|Original Upload date||April 13, 2012|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Ze Frank|
[Rises up from below the frame and speaks increasingly loudly/excitedly]
Oh my god, it's another episode of WHEEZY WAITER!!!
[A clone (or Craig) emerges from the bathroom:] What are you doing?
[Craig/clone in front of camera:] Testing out new intros.
[Craig:] But you're a clone. You're not even supposed to be making videos.
[Clone:] But I... But I just wanna...
[Clone:] But I...
[Clone:] But I just wanna...
[Clone:] But I...
[The clone holds up his hand, blocking Craig in the background:] Well, now I can't even see you anymore. So. So there. [He drops his hand. Craig is way closer behind him now.] How'd you do that?
[Craig:] I'll never tell.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So beardlovers, many of you know that my biggest inspiration to get started on this whole thing that we do here at Wheezy Waiter Industries is money and power... I mean, a guy named Ze Frank.
[Speech impediment guy:] Wheezy Waitoe, pwease wemind me of the whoabouts of Ze Fwank.
[Speech impediment guy:] It's a woed.
[Craig:] No, I don't think it's...
[Speech impediment guy fumes at the camera.]
Okay. Ze Frank is a guy who five years ago did a thing called "the show" in which he did a video almost every weekday for an entire year.
Who would be dumb enough to attempt something like that? [As Craig turns to his right, an arrow pointing at him pops up to his left with text "This idiot in 2010"] Hmm? [Craig quickly turns his head to his left. The arrow and text disappear, replaced by text that says "nothing"] Oh, I thought I saw something. [He turns away again. The arrow and text "This idiot in 2010" return.] Hmm? [Craig turns his head quickly to his left again. The arrow and text disappear replaced by text "nothing"]
He and his audience of sports racers made songs, dressed up vacuum cleaners, made a frickin' earth sandwich. Where someone put bread on one side and someone put bread on the exact opposite side.
Yes, the earth is two-thirds water, making it quite a soggy sandwich, but listen, you're gonna like it 'cause you're gonna end up having lots of beer. Lots of beer. And Jägerbombs.
But after Ze Frank made videos for a year, he stopped.
[Craig looks sad and then emits a single sob, and words fly out of his mouth: gah hhuh uh]
Seeing what he did inspired me to start making videos. And it ended up making my life very not not good.
He talked about going from zero to one. Getting started. Making things instead of thinking about making things until those thoughts turned into brain crack. And you never act on those thoughts. You just go out and do Jägerbombs.
So why am I talking about this? Well, after a long time, Ze Frank is back. And he's backer than ever!
He went from zero to one again. He's already made three videos for his new A Show. And it makes me so elatergasted that I made up the word elatergasted.
It's awesome and wonderful! I quit. [Zoom and dun dun dun music]
What's the point in going on anymore? You got Ze now. My work here is done. And that's good because it gives me time to pursue my true passion.
[Music plays as outside, Craig dances. And dances. He rolls on the ground. Spins in air. Holds out his hat like he's taking tips. He dances some more. He makes his fingers dance. He does that hand game where it looks like your'e removing part of your finger. He keeps dancing. A wind chimes sound is heard as an apparition of Ze appears hovering in mid-air.]
[Ze:] Craig, stop it!
[Craig:] Ze Frank? Is that you?
[Ze:] Yes. I am the ghost of me.
[Craig:] You died?
[Ze:] Yeah, but only for a moment. You ever seen the movie Flatliners?
[Ze:] Well, it's sort of like that. A team of hot actors is about to revive me. Ghost messaging is way cheaper than mobile.
[Craig:] Okay. You're starting to bore me now. Get on with it.
[Ze:] Alright, listen. Don't stop making videos. The world needs more bearded freaks like you, no matter how old, balding, or stinky you are.
[Craig:] I'm not always this stinky. I just haven't showered since the breakdancing.
[Ze:] Well, use antiperspirant then! I consider myself an open-nose-minded person, but I've never smelled anything like that before. It's disgusting.
[Ze:] I hate it. You smell like the armpit that my armpit has. If it had an *pants*hole. [suppresses laughter] Listen, just go back to making videos. In this increasingly segmented world, a diverse breadth of content is necessary and useful because... [contemplates for a moment] Well, the world just doesn't need to see you breakdancing.
[Craig:] But you haven't seen this move.
[Drops to the ground and does a move?]
[Ze:] Seriously, dude, stop it! You look like a tiger muskie flopping around on a Tilt-a-Whirl.
[Ze:] Ah crap, dude, they're reviving me. [Chimes sound as he starts to dematerialize] Listen. Forgot to tell you this has been a collect call. So you'll be getting a bill in four to six weeks. Crap, I just remembered I have a hangnail. It's gonna hurt like hell when I come out of this. Ah, life. Blessing and a curse. [Pops away]
[Craig is still lying on his stomach on the ground]
Leave it to Ze Frank to make me come to my senses. I realize my true calling now. I'm gonna be a ghost.
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Ze growls and winks (ding)]
I have to apologize. You're probably confused. The humor in this video is supposed to be that I was terrible at breakdancing but it turns out I'm actually amazing. So...
Anyway, you should subscribe to Ze Frank's channel, zefrank1 on YouTube. [points to annotation] Click here. Go watch Ze Frank. He changed my life.
I'm a ghost now. [Craig dematerializes and pops away.]
[Zooms in camera. Makes upset expression. Makes another upset expression. Zooms out.]
Here are the other videos in which Craig mentions or talks about Ze Frank:
Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know About Wheezy Waiter
Pixar and Youtube
The Most Inspiring Video on Youtube
Ze Frankliners on YouTube