Youtube Gets Paid
|"Youtube Gets Paid"|
|Original Upload date||April 17, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Donna|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Alright listen up, beardlovers. Apparently YouTube is losing a lot of money whereas Hulu, which has many less viewers, is making money. Or losing less money. I've been reading up on this stuff cause I'm real thinky.
The problem is YouTube isn't attracting the money-soaked advertisers like Hulu is. Apparently advertisers have a problem with putting their ads on things like a hamster that turns around, people passing out on news programs, or super awesome dudes that like to punch themselves.
[A version of Craig wearing sunglasses leans in from the kitchen:] Don't get cocky! [punches Craig]
Oww! That was more of a slap.
So to combat this problem.... comBAT, COMbat? ... so to combat this problem, YouTube is going to focus on actual TV shows that you can watch for free. Taking the focus off of user-generated content like I make and you make. Unless you're a dirty Hollywood producer.
I really have no beef here with YouTube or TV. They have to do what they have to do to make money. My problem is with advertisers. Why do you advertisers think my videos and other user-generated videos aren't good enough to advertise on? I think you might like one of my reoccurring songs. [singing:] Buying stuff is awesome! Buy some stuff! [gives thumbs-up] YouTube, feel free to use that when you're pitching advertisers.
What's the matter? You more comfortable with high quality television production? Well, I got some primo *shirt* going on right here. You see how I advertised my shirt? Thinky!
Heard of the show 24? Well I do a show called 4, where each season is 4 minutes long and every episode is 10 seconds. Here's a clip ... err... or entire episode.
[Dramatic music throughout] [Shot of Craig on the phone is side by side with a shot of a pan on a gas flame]
[Craig:] I gotta go! I'm cracking this egg! [puts down phone, cracks egg, sighs]
[Voiceover over title card for 4:] Next time on 4, Tim Power fries the egg! [shot of egg being slid into the pan]
Heard of that show Lost? They stole that from me.
[Sound of waves. Extreme closeup of Craig's eyes opening.] No matter how hard I try to leave, I'm always brought back. I'm destined to be stranded on this godforsaken [Craig is sitting on top of the kitchen table] kitchen table? Okay, this is dumb. [thump sound over LOST title card]
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles? Dude, time travel is, like, my thing. Speaking of which [puts on sunglasses] here we go.... [closeup of Craig's floor as his feet leave it as he jumps. shot of empty room. Title on screen: 1 minute 40 seconds ago]
[Craig is vlogging. Time-traveling Craig leans in from the kitchen:] Don't get cocky! [punches Craig]
[Title on screen: now]
[Lands back in his apartment. There is something on his glasses. He takes them off.] Had a mishap. Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig's boss walks up to the bagels. Craig walks up to him.]
[Craig's boss:] Ahhh, are you gonna punch me again?
[Time-traveling Craig lands besides them:] Ohhh! Too far in the future!
[Craig and Craig's boss look at time-traveling Craig. Craig's boss hits his sunglasses with a plastic knife with cream cheese on it. They all look at each other again. Time-traveling Craig jumps away. Craig punches his boss who flies backwards, knocking everything over. Craig takes the bagel and leaves.]
So advertisers, come on over to user-generated content. We know how to sell your *shirt*. [pauses] I probably shouldn't have called it *shirt*. We know how to sell your shirts. Or whatever you sell.
Donna Smith, care to close this out with a wink?
[A cat blinks. The cat's eyelids chime.]
[Craig:] Donna, you look a lot like a cat. [Cat blinks again (chime)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
This video marks the first installment of 4.
Youtube Gets Paid on YouTube