Wrong Turn

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"Wrong Turn"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 656
Original Upload date June 14, 2012
Running time 0:03:50
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by Zachaarr
Episode chronology
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"Real Laughter"
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"Save the Whale"


Transcript (in progress)

The following is a Private Service Announcement. Cleaning ladies, make sure you get behind the toilet too. You can't see it, but it's still dirty. This has been a Private Service Announcement.
Alright beardlovers. The following is an example of something that super annoys me every time it happens but it's also an allegory for how you should live your life in every aspect of it.
You know when you're driving somewhere or someone's driving you somewhere or you're driving someone somewhere? And it's somewhere you've never been so you gotta follow a GPS or a list of directions someone gave you?
And on your way there the driver or, if the driver is you, you make or makes a wrong turn.
Now for some people this is fine. But on most occasions when this happens, somebody freaks out.
Oh god! That was the turn! What do we do? There's no way back!
How much water do we have? How much food do we have? Do we have pretzels? Do we have dipping sauce for said pretzels?
We're gonna be driving in circles forever! I don't have any vertigo medication!
If I die I want you to eat me. Save yourself. If you die, I'm certainly eating you. You look delicious.
Are you saying I'm fat?
No. I'm saying you're properly seasoned.
Are you saying I'm old?
Okay. I'm saying you're fat.
This in unprecedented. I thought we would make it there without incident. No one has ever made a wrong turn before. What do you do?
They ignore the fact that if they have a GPS it will reroute them. Or if you don't have a GPS, you could use your cell phone. If your cell phone doesn't work, you could ask for directions. And if you don't have a GPS, you probably have a map. If you can't find anyone to ask for directions, you can probably drive around and eventually find your way.
The point is you shouldn't freak out.
How would one wefwain fwom wampant hystewia Wheezy Waitoe?
Here's the trick. If you're going to a destination you've never been to in an area you're completely unfamiliar with, expect to make a wrong turn. At least one. No, at least four.
It's part of the process of getting somewhere. Learning where not to go so when you do make a wrong turn, you won't think, Oh god! It's over! It's over!
You'll think it's part of the journey. This is part of the process of getting somewhere.
But here's the thing. All roads are connected on the same continent. Even multiple continents. North America and South America... it's connected.
So if you are on a road, that means you're already on your path to your destination. There are... looks up on Google... 4.04 million miles of road in the U.S. according to a random statistic I found.
So chances are good you are going to go down some of the roads that are the wrong roads to the way to your destination. But they're not even really the wrong roads 'cause they're connected.
My eye turned red I'm so passionate about this.
And I just pointed to the wrong eye!
So, rule of thumb. If your car's on a road, fairly well you will bode. Yeah. I'm proud of myself.
Certainly there are instances where you make a wrong turn and then there's not a way to turn off for a long time and you go way out of your way but you know what? You made it back. You're okay now. Right?
Unless you're still out there driving for days and days. Well, first of all, congratulations on your amazing gas mileage. Secondly, you're watching this. That means you can use Google Maps.
Also, and this might be even more important, if you're a passenger and the driver makes a wrong turn, you shouldn't freak out either.
Their freakout might just be because they're worried about your freakout.
You made a wrong turn, idiot! What an idiot. I'm a perfect human being. And now I'm gonna be late. I told everyone the I Call People Idiots Convention was gonna be at 3. They'll probably all be late anyway. Bunch of idiots.
Remain calm. Make rational decisions. Eat foods that don't make you gassy 'cause you're gonna be in a car. And enjoy the journey.
As I said before, this applies to everything. And something I've talked about a lot. Failure.
It's a part of trying to succeed at anything. It's more important how you react when you go down the wrong path.
It's not even the wrong path. All roads are connected.
Only on continents not divided by large oceans. Oh, just looked it up. Turns out you can't drive straight from North America to South America. There's a thing called the Darien Gap in the middle. Failure. I quit. I should go to that convention where they call you an idiot.
I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done!
Navigate my way to the coffee. Let's see here... Turn right here. Oh, that's the bookshelf. Nope, that's the point of departure. Okay... That's how you do the hokey pokey.
I'm lost! I'm lost!
We're gonna be driving in circles forever. And there's cars honking everywhere! It's really annoying when you're trying to make a video. Am I gonna be doing this take forever while the car makes noise outside? I'm panicking!

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

Wrong Turn on YouTube