Where we are Going

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"Where we are Going"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 533
2011
Original Upload date July 28, 2011
Running time 0:04:47
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by SuperTortoisedude
Great People
Guests: Jeff Samuels
Sam Grant
Matt Weber
group outside Trunk Space in Phoenix
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Drifting"
Next →
"Meteor!"

Video

Transcript

[Sam and Jeff speak in unison:] Craig, I'd really like to commend you on your seat-belt wearing. What? Stop it! Stop copying me! Stop copying me, Jeff! Why are you...? Please, just... just... stop. Okay, Sam. Thank you, Jeff. Liar! You... lying... jackal... buzzard. How do you know what I'm going to say?
[Jeff turns to camera:] It has already been said.
[Sam and Jeff in unison:] Shut up! God, Jeff, ugh!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. Guess what time it is? Sam, do a trumpet sound. [Sam makes a sound that doesn't sound like a trumpet.]
[Craig:] That sound means... that was more like a wookiee. Can you do a trumpet sound?
[Matt makes a trumpet sound while Sam makes another sound.]
[Craig:] Matt, I didn't ask you.
[Sam makes a trumpet sound.]
That sound means it's time check my pants hole! [shot of hole in his pants] Oooh... looks like we went from trendy to obscene. [Pulls back flap of jeans near the hole to reveal his boxer shorts.] No, no, no one wants to see that.
So first of all, a lot of you awesome people have been coming to our shows, and I wanna thank you for that. And some of you can't make it. That's understandable. However, we've been noticing lots of comments of people disappointed they missed our show because they didn't know about it. Or asking us to go to places where we are actually scheduled to go. That info has been in the doobly-doo for doobly dozens of days. Now you don't have to come to the show. That's fine. It'll just give me more time after the show to drink and cry myself to sleep. Because I'm so lonely because you're not coming [starts crying] to our show.
So in case you don't feel like looking down there, here are the dates right here. [A list of dates and cities appears on screen.] That... Maybe that's not big enough. Here, how about... how about now? [The list is even bigger.] Okay, how about now? [The list is really big now and Craig occupies a small corner of the screen.] I'm smaller now. How's that? Is that better? [Craig is now super super tiny.] I'm one pixel big now. How's that?
[Standing in front of a dinosaur statue. Tour dates are superimposed over statue.] Look! Here's the tour on a dinosaur. Does that get your attention?
Perhaps an EXPLOSION will get your attention over there. And it's not even a Wednesday, not that that's a thing yet, if ever.
I just... I just don't like seeing you upset in the comments. I wanna help you out. Most places are charging at the door, so you don't have to worry about ordering tickets online or anything. Just play your Farmville or what else do people do online?
[Sam:] Order Driftless Pony Club tour tickets?
{Craig:] No! They don't... they're not... don't do that.
[Sam:] Do!
[Craig:] Don't!
[Sam:] Do!
[Craig:] Don't!
[Sam:] Do!
[Craig:] I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO COME TO THE SHOW!!
The Madison, Wisconsin show is 18 plus unless accompanied by an adult. All the other shows are all ages. Literally all ages. 12. 87 is one you could be. What else? What other ages are there?
[Sam:] 2.
[Craig:] That's all the ages.
[Sam:] Bronze.
[Craig:] Bronze... oh... Bronze Age.
[Sam:] Golden.
[Craig:] Golden Age.
We're traveling to Phoenix, Arizona. Tonight we're playing at the Trunk Space. Doors are at 7:30 PM.
If it's tomorrow and you're watching this video and you're about to comment that you missed the Phoenix show. I tell you what. How about we play in Tempe? That's 20 minutes away from Phoenix.
That's right. Tonight we're playing in Phoenix. Arizona. Tomorrow we're playing in Tempe. Arizona. Info on the screen. It's right there.
And then we're going out west to L.A., up to Seattle, back down through Utah, back to... the... If you live in the Midwest or the western United States, we might be coming to your town. Check one of those cities that's actually on the screen right now. Also, you'll notice a new addition to our tour in San Francisco July 31st. We just got that one. Also we're gonna have a show in Portland on the 2nd. To be announced. That's the second of August. Portland, Oregon.
Sorry I'm getting a little bit angry. I think it's time for Rawk Sawk! [Makes a rock sign with his hand. Title appears: Rawk Sawk! Episode 2: The Deal] Episode 2. The deal.
[Craig:] Hey Matt, let's make a deal.
[Matt:] No.
[Craig:] Yes!
[Matt:] Okay, deal.
[Craig:] That... that wasn't the deal.
[Matt:] What... what deal did you wanna make?
[Craig:] How about I give you two dollars and you give me three dollars?
[Matt:] No! That's unfair.
[Craig:] I give you three dollars and you give me three dollars.
[Matt:] That's just a waste of time.
[Craig:] How about I give you four dollars and you give me three dollars?
[Matt:] Like four dollars in one dollar bills?
[Craig:] Yes.
[Matt:] Is that American legal tender?
[Craig:] Yes.
[Matt:] One dollar denominations?
[Craig:] Yes.
[Matt:] Which presidents are on those?
[Craig:] George Washington.
[Matt:] And how many of them have that president on it?
[Craig:] 100 percent.
[Matt:] Do they have any diseases?
[Craig:] Probably not.
[Matt:] Can I fit 'em in my pocket?
[Craig:] If you fold them.
[Matt:] You don't mean four doll hairs, do you, funny man?
[Craig:] No.
[Matt:] Okay. Deal. [Matt puts out his hand to shake.]
[Craig smiles:] Alright! [Shakes Matt's hand with his hand in the sock. Matt smiles. Then looks down. Craig smiles, anticipating Matt's reaction. Matt looks down again.]
[Matt:] Ohhhhhhh! Not good! Not good!
[Craig:] Haha! Yeah! Rawk sawk! [Makes rock sign with his socked hand]
[Viewer-submitted outro theme and winks (ding) (ding)]
[Craig gets out of the van in front of a building.]
Yeah! [Looks around] Where is... where is everybody? [yells to someone offscreen] Hey! You wanna come to our show? No? Oh, okay. That's cool. It's getting late. People should be here by now. [Craig starts sobbing. Shouts to no one:] We're playin' a show! [sobs] Come watch us play a show! [Lies down in the parking lot, crying. A group of people walk up.]
[Craig:] Hey, who are you?
[A woman says:] Hey Craig.
[Craig:] Who are you guys? You guys are here for the show? [Various affirmative responses] Oh, wow! Yeah!
[Group:] Yeah! Woo hoo!
[Sam walks up.]
[Craig:] Yeah!
[Group:] Yeah! Woo!
[Sam:] Yeah!
[Sam walks away.]
[Craig:] Alright. Sam, where are you going?

Recurring elements

Driftless Pony Club (DPC), tour video, beardlovers, doobly-doo, Explosion Wednesday, Rawk Sawk!, wink

External links

Where we are Going on YouTube