Where's Sexy Clone?
|"Where's Sexy Clone?"|
|Original Upload date||June 10, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Andrew Santino|
Director of Rise of the Planet of the Apes (offscreen)
[Craig stands on a beach, arm outstretched like he's holding a camera:]
Hey beardlovers. Beaches. Make you ponder about the past. About the future. About your friendships in the here and now. And who knew Bette Midler could act? [poster of movie Beaches] Oh, wait, I'm actually on a beach right now too. That's kinda funny. I was talking about beaches and I'm on a... ha... that's funny how things coincide sometimes. Hahahahahahaha. Ahahaha. It's not that funny.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Still haven't found Sexy Clone. I wonder where he is now.
[Music plays as ripple transition to footage of Sexy Clone riding a mechanical bull.]
So while I'm here in L.A., I figured I would try to... [camera backs up so we see that Craig isn't holding the camera even though his arm is extended like he is. He drops his arm.] Dan, where are you going? You're supposed to make me look like I'm holding it.
[Dan:] You know what? Why don't you just hold it yourself? I don't get it!
[Craig:] Make me look like I'm holding it! Dan! You know I have sensitive forearms!
[Dan:] Come on!
So I figure while I'm in L.A., I'll do some selling out. That's what you do in L.A., right? So I hopped a bus to 20th Century Fox with a bunch of YouTube people. Flashback. [looks at Dan behind camera] Oh, you know what would be good? If you turn the camera, turn it to the water, and like, blurry, make it blurry so it's like a flashback, yeah, yeah, to the water... [Dan turns to the water]
[Dan:] Uh huh
[Craig:] Yeah, yeah, make it blurry. Blurry! Like, zoom in!
[Dan:] I... I....
[Craig:] Zoom in!
[Dan:] This is a prime lens. I can't.
[Craig:] Dude... dude... dude...
[Dan:] I can't blur either. It should be F-22.
[Craig:] Just zoom it in!
[Dan:] You know what? Why didn't you just do like, a... like, a....
[Dan:] Whoosh pan? You could've just done a whoosh pan to make the... better.
[Craig:] Do that! Do that!
[Dan:] Alright. Hold on. [whoosh pan]
[Craig:] Oh, that's pretty good.
[Ripple effect to Craig on a bus.]
So we're headed to talk to the creators of the Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie. [shakes his iPhone and a scream comes out] That was a Wilhelm scream. It is a scream that's used in many many movies. I'm gonna find out if Rise of the Planet of the Apes has it.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] Oh no, that's just multiracial people walking.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] Oh no, that's just two lost old people disowning their daughter who dresses in black.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] Oh no, that's just the back of a sexy cement truck. Yowza!
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] Oh no, that's just a silver horse behind a flatbed truck.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] No, that's just a dog and cat making friends. Sometimes life is sweet.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] No that actually might be the Unabomber. Or a very cold dude.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] No, that might be the silver horse's poo.
Is that Sexy Clone? [looks out window] No, that's texting while driving. Definitely not sexy!
[shooting the back of someone's head on the bus] Sexy Clone? Is that you? Turn around! [Guy turns around.] Oh, it's just Charles Trippy.
While hearing people talk at 20th Century Fox, I wasn't allowed to film so here's a snippet of my emotional rollercoaster ride. I was surprised. [Makes face] Then bored. [Makes a face.] Then happy. [Makes a face.] Then I was concerned about my noisy chair. [chair creaks as Craig rocks in it a little] [Voice in background:] Is everyone connected?
[Another voice in background:] That's funny.
Then I attempted to achieve my goal because I'm a champion. [Subtitle over footage: talking to director of Rise of the Planet of the Apes] Will there be a Wilhelm scream in this movie?
[Voice of director:] Ah, there isn't so far, but we've actually just been talking about this today. The bridge sequence which we'll definitely... [subtitle on screen: The bridge sequence was where that could be.]
[Craig:] That's a good opportunity for a Wilhelm scream. Yeah.
I'm a champion.
Then I drew this picture of Marilyn Monroe and some dude. Oh, no I didn't. That picture was huge and on the side of a building.
Then I saw coffee being done, and I could barely contain myself. Oh god!!!!!!
[Back on beach] So selling out was a lot of fun, but now I gotta go find Sexy Cl... [Music starts to play and camera shakes] Whoa. Did you feel that?
[Dan:] Yeah, that was weird. It kinda felt like sexy.
[Craig:] Sexy, right?
[Dan:] Yeah, it did.
[Craig:] Wow. Wonder what's going on.
[Ripple effect as music resumes and Sexy Clone, in swimming trunks, makes a kissy face to camera and strikes many sexy poses.]
[On beach] I gotta put a stop to this. [Craig starts running across beach, away from camera. Stops and runs back] Oh. Gimme the camera!
[Dan:] No, no, dude! You shoulda gone. It was, like, a hero shot.
[Craig:] No, no...
[Dan:] It woulda been perfect!
[Craig:] No I need it!
[Dan;] Oh come on!
[Craig:] This is gonna be solo.
[They talk at once, fighting over camera. Craig grabs it and films Dan.]
[Dan:] You know what? I quit. I'm gonna pull a Patrick Swayze in Point Break and swim to my untimely demise. [runs towards ocean]
Wow. He's actually really going for it. Is that a shark? [Sound of scream] I gotta go find Sexy Clone.
[Andrew Santino sings the Wheezy Waiter outro and winks (ding)]
[Music plays poolside near cabanas and stuff. Craig walks through, looking at the people, and looking around. In one cabana, he sees Sexy Clone with two women, who are smiling and drinking as Sexy Clone nods. Extreme closeup of Sexy Clone as he spots Craig. Craig looks down for a moment, then back to the cabana, where the two women are alone and playing on their phones. Craig shakes his head and keeps walking.]
[Title on screen: to be continued...]
Where's Sexy Clone? on YouTube