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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 548
Original Upload date August 26, 2011
Running time 0:05:11
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by Hank Green (kind of)
Great People
Directed by Craig Benzine
Corey Vidal
Written by Craig Benzine
Camera work by Ethan Wane
Corey Vidal
Edited by Jim Vaylin
Guests: Matt Weber
Sam Grant
Jeff Samuels
Alex Day (nerimon)
Bobby (themefund)
Shannon (shannancy)
Chyna Pate
Corey Vidal
Dave Ackerman
Hank Green
Charlie (charlieissocoollike)
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Quitting 101"
Next →



[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig is on stage at Vidcon.]
[Craig:] What do you want me to sing?
[The audience yells out various things, including "Bananas."]
[Craig replies but he's away from the mic so we can't really hear him:] Sorry.
[Then he starts strumming the Bananas song and starts to sing. Matt, Sam, and Jeff walk out on stage as the song starts.]
Bananas, bananas,
They're sitting on the fridge,
Bananas, bananas,
They look just like a bridge.
Bananas, bananas,
You can throw them on the floor,
[Matt throws a banana down on the stage]
Bananas, bananas,
You can not throw them on the floor.
[Sam picks up the banana and holds it up.]
Yum, yum, yum, yum,
Coats my belly.
When I wake up
With coffee cup
And Regis and Kelly.
Ohhhhhh how it feels
[Sam, Jeff, and Matt caress Craig's head with banana peels.]
To be buried
In the peels.
Bananas, bananas,
They grow out of the earth.
Bananas, bananas,
Shaped like expecting birth,
Bananas, bananas,
You can eat them all at once.
{Matt shoves a banana in his mouth]
Bananas, bananas,
There's an unsuspecting dunce.
[Sam throws a peel on the stage. Matt and Craig walk around and over it a few times without tripping.]
Oh, a banana peel!
[Craig leans down, picks up the banana peel from the stage and shoves it in his mouth. After a few moments, he spits it out and continues singing.]
Bananas, bananas,
You can make them into bread,
But if you eat too much,
You'll be banana dead.
Bananas, bananas,
They help you count your time.
One banana, two banana,
Three, oh that's a lime.
Ohhhhh how it feels
[Sam, Jeff, and Matt caress Craig's head with banana peels.]
To be buried
In the peels.
[They place the banana peels over Craig's head and shoulders and walk away.]
Ohhhhhh how it feels
To be buried
In the peels.
[The audience applauds as Craig gets the banana peels off himself.]
So I asked Hank, um, if I could be on the mainstage so I got the opportunity to divulge my 17 deepest darkest secrets. [The audience whoops in approval.] So secret number one. When i was seven years... wait... [sniffs the air] I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! I gotta go!
[Craig runs off the stage. A video plays on the large screen above the stage. Craig runs out from backstage and sees another YouTuber walking by.]
Oh my god! Nerimon?
[Alex:] Hello.
[Craig:] Oh! Big fan! [shakes his hand] Big fan! I gotta go. I gotta go. I gotta get the coffee! [Runs away from Alex]
[In the kitchen, Craig runs into a guy (Bobby). Momentarily stuck because the guy is standing in front of him, he shoves the guy out of his way.] I gotta get coffee! [Runs through kitchen]
[A woman (Shannon) with a mic in front of the YouTube backdrop sees Craig coming:] Oh Wheezy! [She extends her mic as Craig runs past. He runs back and grabs the mic.]
[Craig:] Hey. [He smiles and looks at the camera]
[Shannon:] Hey!
[Craig:] I gotta run. The coffee's done.
[He takes off running.]
[Shannon:] Oh. Oh.
[Running past a woman (Chyna), Craig grabs some food out of her hand and eats it as he keeps running. We can hear her calling after him:] Hey jerk! Hey jerk!
[He runs until he encounters the escalator, which he gets on and stands completely still, checking his wrist as the escalator heads upwards. Standing on the escalator, he checks his wrist impatiently.]
[A voice calls out:] Wheezy!
[Craig turns to look at the escalator that's going down that's right across from him. It's Corey Vidal.]
[Craig:] We meet again.
[Craig and Corey battle with Craig wielding a frying pan and Corey brandishing an umbrella.]
[Craig:] There's no time! [He runs up the escalator.]
[Corey:] Sorry!
[Craig gets off the escalator and runs through the crowded lobby. He runs into an elevator and punches a button. The doors close. He runs out of the elevator and down a hallway in the hotel.]
[Craig:] Coffee!
[Dave Ackerman, in a towel, standing in front of a food cart in the hallway:] Craig!
[Craig, as he runs past:] Scratchmybackerman? What are you eating?
[Dave calls after him:] We're brothers!
[Craig:] No we're not!
[Dave:] We're brothers!
[Craig:] No we're not!
[Dave:] We are brothers!
[Craig:] We're not brothers!
[Hank sips from a cup of coffee. Craig runs into the hotel room, whipping off his badge. Hank stands up.]
[Craig:] How'd you get in here?
[Hank:] I'm the king of Vidcon! I can get into every room!
[Craig:] You can take my room, but you'll never take MY COFFEE! [Craig rips open his shirt to reveal the Hank corndog shirt. Hank stares at him with the same expression as the shirt. Shot of the shirt. Shot of Hank. Shot of the shirt. Shot of Hank. Craig punches Hank, grabs the coffee, and runs onto the balcony. He falls off the balcony. Now wearing just swimming trunks and his glasses, he lands in a cannonball form into the pool, still holding his cup of coffee. He takes a sip underwater. He rises out of the water with the coffee cup raised. Takes another sip. Runs through the pool area.]
[Shot of Charlie with some food.]
[Charlie:] Oh, Craig's not actually coming. We... we filmed this yesterday. I'm just eating leftovers. [Raises the fork to his mouth]
[Craig runs into the lobby, through it, and onto the escalator, still wearing just his swimming trunks. He looks around on the escalator. He runs through the area outside the doors to the mainstage area as people cheer. He runs back into the ballroom as the audience cheers. And he runs back on stage. Stands at the mic as the audience cheers. Takes a sip of coffee. Spits it out.] Tastes like Hank backwash.
[He waves and walks off the stage as the audience cheers.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Shot of Hank with the same expression as the corndog shirt. Hank winks. Sort of. (ding)]

Recurring elements

song, "I love it when the coffee's done!", wink

Related videos

This complete version of the bananas song was introduced in Wheezy Goes More Bananas.
Craig and Corey battling with a frying pan and an umbrella is a reference to Craig vs Canada.
Dave Ackerman insisting that he and Craig are brothers is a reference to A Family Affair.

External links

WheezyCon on Youtube