Wheezy in Wonderland
|"Wheezy in Wonderland"|
|Original Upload date||June 11, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||freik7|
[slides in/singing rug] [Craig has a white fleck of something on his forehead.]
Hey beardlovers. Am I sweating pearl again? Did you guys know I sweat pearl? I eat too much calcium. Have you heard of mother of pearl? I'm like the daddy. Get off me! [rubs his forehead so fleck falls off] An absent daddy.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Okay, beardlovers. Here's the thing. I make clones. And I make those clones do me chores. Do me chores? [talking like a pirate] Aye, do me chores! [talking normal again] Do my chores. And then I kill them. But there's this one clone. He hasn't done his chores yet. And he's becoming very demanding. And I'm feeling very impressionable today. So I might kill him before he makes me do things.
[A clone comes out of the kitchen.]
[Clone:] Hey, let's go!
[Clone:] Let's go!
[Craig:] Go where?
[Clone:] Just follow me. Come on!
[Clone:] Let's go!
[Craig:] Alright. You make a compelling argument. I'll go.
[Craig walks into the kitchen, following the clone.]
[Craig:] Wait. Where are we going?
[Clone:] A magical land of mysterious mystery. Come on!
[Clone:] It's gonna be awesome! Yes!
[Clone:] Why not?
[Craig:] I don't wanna!
[Clone:] Lao Che!
[Craig:] Seven... Character from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom?
[Craig:] Alright. Let's go.
[Clone:] Excellent. [They turn to go]
[Now in the basement]
[Craig:] Whoa, dude, are we in the basement? I'm not going.
[Clone:] Come on! It's just right around the corner.
[Clone holds up a dollar:] One dollar.
[Craig:] Let's get going.
[Clone:] Come on, it's just right over here.
[Craig follows him. The camera stays in the passageway, but we can hear music playing. We hear Craig.]
[Craig:] Oh my god! This place is amazing! Look at those dancing girls.
[Clone:] Actually, those are guys. But...
[Craig:] Who cares? They look like beautiful dancing girls. Is that a talking bear?
[We can hear the talking bear. Camera is still in the passageway.]
[Talking bear:] Hi Craig. How'd you know I could talk?
[Craig:] Is that a giant bowl of applesauce?
[Clone:] Actually, no. Sorry.
[Clone:] It's plum sauce.
[Clone:] Go ahead. Jump in.
[Craig:] I don't want to get dirty.
[Clone:] That's the beauty of it. You can jump in and not get dirty.
[Craig:] Really? Here I go. [We can hear him running. And a splat.]
[Back in his apartment, Craig sits down.]
Wow. Thank you, demanding clone. [Clone walks up to kitchen door] That magical wonderland place you took me to was amazing.
[Clone:] Yeah, that place was pretty cool. But remember, it's the journey that's the destination. Waaa! [falls in the alligator pit]
[Craig:] Apparently the alligator pit's the destination. I'm glad you accidentally fell in there because I would've felt bad having to push ya. Not that bad, though.
Oh *shirt*, it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig's boss walks up to the bagels. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] Gimme that bagel.
[Craig's boss:] Just punch me quick. This is a place of business. I have a really important meeting to get to.
[Craig punches his boss, who spins and flies through air, landing on top of the knocked-over recycling bin. Craig grabs the bagel. Craig's boss immediately goes from landing from being punched to standing up, albeit very wobbly on his feet, and goes to leave.]
[Craig's boss:] I appreciate your quick turnaround.
[An animated Craig says:] I love it when the coffee's done. [The animated Craig winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Alright. For those of you who miss the old outro music, I'll play that one too.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro with the new music]
Oops. That was the same one. You're probably really annoyed by that.
The white fleck on Craig's forehead at the beginning of this video relates to the previous day's video Feelings 101.
Wheezy in Wonderland on YouTube