Wheezy iPad

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"Wheezy iPad"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 242
Original Upload date January 28, 2010
Running time 0:03:33
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by pookiemeshell
Episode chronology
← Previous
"State of the Beard"
Next →
"The Month is Over!"



[slides in/singing rug, very close to camera]
Hello beardlovers. It's time for a little peace, love, and understanding. [sound of drum rimshot. Craig turns to offscreen drummer:] What the *ding* is so funny about that? Oh. I see what you did there. Very clever. Very clever. I hate you.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Today, following up on Obama's State of the Union address, he's announcing funds for high speed rail. I love high speed rail!
With high speed rail, I won't have to use my avatar to travel long distances to family functions. Speaking of... [leans back, puts forefinger on forehead, closes eyes]
[Craig's clone runs down street oustide:] Cousins! Aunts! Uncles! Cable TV! [sound of bone breaking] Augh! Oh! [falls down in the street] My leg's still broken from when I got hit by that car. [sound of crying baby] Is that baby still here?
[Craig opens his eyes suddenly and drops his finger, faint sound of crying baby.] Hmm? I need a new avatar. And possibly a baby tank. That's what you do. You put babies in tanks, right?
Wait a second! I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [Craig gets up as a song, performed by him, begins to play.:]
I love it when the coffee's done. [Craig twirls in the air]
It makes me feel like number one. [Down on the floor, Craig moves in a circle]
I used to be number one. [Craig dances to camera, kind of, before entering kitchen.]
Now all I do is go number two, [Craig comes out of kitchen, sipping coffee. Rubs tummy.]
When I'm drinking coffee. [Turns around to go back towards the bathroom]
Eeeeeee. [Craig holding guitar. Smiles.]
[song over]
So yesterday Apple has unveiled its new product, the iPad, which has garnered a lot of jokes online due to its resemblance to a certain female hygenic product that goes... on the... *whistle*.
From now on, we don't mention body parts here at Wheezy Studios. And I mean that from the bottom of my *whistle*.
I heard a review of this iPad and they said it's basically a giant iPhone except for it's eBook capabilities. Now I've been meaning to tap into this eBook market for a while now. I think the world is ready. I've created a portable eBook device right here. [holds up something thick that's wrapped in saran wrap]
With this easy to see through plastic container, I have it turned to my favorite page from Cormac McCarthy's The Road. Underneath you can see multiple books. All you have to do is unwrap and take them out and replace. The selection of books you can purchase with this eBook is much wider than the iPad. Any book ever. That you can find.
Wanna send an e-mail? I can do you one better. Real mail. With an envelope, notecards, and a pen. There's a pen in there.
Wanna listen to music while you read? Check that out! [Holds up the cellophane-wrapped eBook to show off an iPod under the cellophane] Whoa! iPod sold separately.
Now i want to call it something that isn't controversial towards women, so.... [looks at it] it's a wad of things so I'm calling it the Wheezy Wad. The Wheezy Wad. Taking the world by wad. Assembly required. [holds up envelope, notecards, and roll of cellophane.]
[Title: Okay, now for the bearded ladies]
[Winker with beard drawn on her face:] Don't you hate it when your lip gloss gets stuck to your beard hairs? [Winks (ding)]
[Another winker snaps her fingers and her hair becomes a beard. She winks (ding)]
[Winker with a crocheted hat/beard/mustache winks (ding)]
[Emily (winker) with a crocheted beard winks (ding)]
[Winker with a duct tape beard winks (ding). She peels off the duct tape:] Owwwwww.
[Winker winks (ding) and a mustache appears:] Oh! Okay... It tingles a little bit when it comes in. I'd make a handsome dude.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Shot of street from window. We can hear Craig (or his clone) before we can see him. We heard him going down stairs] Cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, cable TV, cousins, aunts, uncles, cable tv [door opening] Cousins, aunts, uncles, cable TV [he walks into frame], aaah... car. Car. [Car passes] Cousins, aunts, uncles, cousins, aunts, uncles, cable TV, aaah. Another car. Busy road today. Busy road today. Another car. Aaah! [another car passes] Many cars. Okay. I think we're good. I think we're good. [Craig (or his clone) run into frame:] Cousins! Aunts! Uncles! Cable TV! Aaugh! [falls in the street] My *whistle* is still broken from when I got hit by that car. Whose baby is that? [Craig (or his clone) gets up, leaves frame.] No one saw me. Awesome. Not going to the asylum today.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, ill-timed rimshot, *ding*, clone, "I love it when the coffee's done!", song, wink, outtakes

External links

Wheezy iPad on YouTube