|Original Upload date||February 7, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||ItsNedDixon|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. You know what? It's getting a little crowded in here. How about we utilize my new WIDE-ANGLE LENS? WOW!
[looks behind him] Oh, look it, leftover chips! Sweet! [gets up to go get the chips. Walks through a lot of mess to get them. A blow-up doll and Mario Lopez poster are also visible thanks to the wide angle lens] Hey! [bends down and picks up something from the mess on the floor] There's half a sub in here! Alright! Mmmm! [looks around] Oh hey, there's my Mario Lopez poster! I've been looking all over for that. Oh, and then there's [gestures to the blowup doll]... yeah... that... that's... I'm holding that for a friend.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So with this lens I can seem [Leans very very close to the camera] so close now! [calling from the kitchen:] And so far away! [standing in middle of his room, which is clean now:] And so middle. [Notices his bed is unmade. In next shot, his bed is made.]
Now don't ask me where the whale tank is. I told you this before. There's a whale tank cover. I don't want to hear it! No! Not listening not listening not listening not listening! If you try to say anything about the whale tank, I'll slap you with my ear. What's that? Ear slap! [ear slap]
So in the news, I saw this link and I had to click on it. [shows article] "How did Nick Lachey [Craig pronounces it Latchee] propose to Vanessa Minnillo?" La.. lashay? Mineeo? "He got down on both knees, a pose Lachey jokingly refers to as 'full begging position.'" [laughing] Oh, begging position. Hehehehe. Hahahaha. I love it when celebrities say things. Unfortunately, no word yet on who Nick Lachey is. I seriously didn't know but then I looked it up and now I do know and I wish that part of my brain knew something else. So why did I read the article? Because I'm interested in dull things and pointless news. Look at me. I get excited about wide angles. Wangles? Angides? Now don't get me wrong. I'm sure Nick Lachowski is a fine enough individual. I wish him and his marriage with Alyssa Milano all the best. I kid because I love. Jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous jealous.
Wow, I just filmed this video right into eveningtime, didn't I? Cause i had to make my bed.
In other marriage news, AOL acquires Huffington Post. [shows article] "Huffington compared the impending merger to 'stepping off a fast-moving train and onto a supersonic jet." [laughing] Hahaha. Hahaha. I love it when women use transportation similes. Ladies, leave a transportation simile comment. Is that the weirdest request you've ever gotten? I hope so. Still no word yet as to who AOL is.
[Quiet Clone is standing in the background mumbling about AOL.]
[Craig:] Quiet Clone? What are you doing over there?
[Quiet Clone keeps mumbling.]
[Craig:] I can't... I can't hear a word you're saying.
[Quiet Clone is still talking.]
Is that where you hid? Just outside the frame of my old lens? Can't hide there anymore! Where are you gonna hide now? Hehehe.
[Quiet Clone steps out of sight. Craig turns and sees he's gone.]
Where'd he go? He's good.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Some items of business to discussed. First of all... Discussed? That's past tense. Or also disgust as in displeasure. That's not what I want to say.
Beardlovers, there's a couple of items of business to discuss. First of all, I know a lot of you grammar nazis out there are gonna debate whether or not that's a simile or a metaphor that I was talking about. In the article, it says that Huffington compares it to being [title over Craig's mouth: stepping-off] on a train, not that it is a train. But the article only shows part of the sentence so we'll never really know. I'm gonna say simile and Im not gonna listen to what you say. Ear slap! [ear slap]
Secondly, as in possessing qualities that are second like, the Wheezy shoe has arrived for many of you. [holds up a Wheezy shoe] That is awesome. Thank you for purchasing a shoe. Or two. I have been told that one of you has received a prize, which is a flight for two to Chicago and a stay in a hotel. You will know because this [pointing to the beard on the back of the shoe] is embroidered instead of screen-printed. And there's a business card in there. Not in the beard. In the package. Congratulations, winner. You're a winner! My band is playing here April 9th and that might be a good time to... to fly here. Just a suggestion.
Also, remember the job hunt video from OraBrush? There was a contest to win an iPad? You had to leave a comment saying which of the videos I was in from OraBrush that was your favorite? Well, this is the winning comment. [shows comment by reedpo] Congratulations, reedpo. Is that slang for playing a clarinet on a pogo stick or any reed instrument?
Finally, I have a new account on vyou dot com. Link in the doobly-doo. You can ask me questions, and I will answer as many as I can in video form.
Whew! Lots going on, lots going on. This place is a madhouse. [in the distance, a door slamming can be heard. Title on screen: (door slam)] Someone slammed a door. It was supposed to be quiet. That was gonna be the joke.
wangle, angides = words for wide angles
Wheezy Wider on YouTube