[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. [looks down at himself] Oh, the sun's being all crazy. [looks out window] Sun! Chill out! Chill out, sun! [The fiery sun enters Craig's apartment and looms over him.] Oh, what are you... I'm not that afraid! I've been working out. I'm bigger now. How big am... Zoom out. Let's see how big we are! [As camera zooms out into space, Craig is teeny tiny and then invisible next to the huge looming sun.] Oh. I guess you are a bit sizeable. [Camera zooms back in.] Plan B. EXPLOSION! [The sun is still looming next to him.] Hmm. That didn't seem to work. It worked on paper.
[Craig is sitting at his kitchen table drawing a picture of the sun with a frowny face, which he places onto a plate.] EXPLOSION! [The piece of paper is on fire.] Yeah, Plan B's SO gonna work. [Text on screen: DON'T DON'T DON'T try at home] I'm not even gonna need it, though. I'm totally as big as the sun. Totally.
[Back to the present as the sun looms close next to Craig] Alright. I apologize that I tried to explode you. Could you just cool down a bit? Thank you. [The sun retreats.] So. Today... [A cold wind blows as snowflakes start falling.] Oh crap. Ice Age again.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Ice Age over! You're welcome. I made a deal with the sun. Let's just say I don't have any more legs. I do. [holds up leg] But let's just say I don't but not talk about any other body parts I may have lost.
So we here at Wheezy Studios have been testing out this thing maybe once or twice called EXPLOSION Wednesday. And we've reached a conclusion. More tests are needed. We're not sure if it's a thing. You know, the old tortoise and the hare... slow and steady wins the race. If there's actually a finish line.
Now, one thing we would do on Wednesdays is report on news that has to do with EXPLOSIONS or has EXPLOSIVE words in the titles. Such as....
[shows headline] Trial SPARKS ticket stampede
That's an article linked to a video of people frantically trying to get tickets for the Casey Anthony trial. It was filmed, I assume, [zooms in on symbol for camera next to headline] by this robot with no eyes but could hear very well on his left side. Judging by his red mouth, he's probably fueled by cherry Jolly Ranchers or the blood of the innocent.
I just find it disturbing that people would barrel down the hallway excited as a double TW - TWeen at a TWilight convention - to get a ticket to a trial of a woman who murdered her child. Aren't people supposed to try to avoid the courtroom? I mean, haven't you ever committed grand theft auto to get out of jury duty? I have. Twice! Didn't get caught, though. I got a couple nice cars now. So...
Now don't get me wrong, I'd get excited for tickets for a lot of things. Chips and salsa eating contest, Scarlett Johansson festival, eagle punch party, EXPLOSIONS: live in concert, Twilight convention, the trial of Casey Anthony, Scarlett Johansson. Just... just her. But not the trial of Casey Anthony! That's just disturbing.
I guess people just love drama. And it's a shame. And I blame Hollywood. And anyone that perpetuates big flashy spectacles EXPLOSION EXPLOSION. We need to put an end to this. EXPLOSION.
[A girl:] What day is today?
[A younger girl:] Wednesday.
[A girl:] Explosion Wednesday!
[A younger girl:] Explosion Wednesday?
[The two of them in unison:] EXPLOSION WEDNESDAY! RUN! [They run and dive as the tv behind them explodes]
[Wink (ding) wink (ding) wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So we here at Wheezy Studios have been... So we here at Wheezy Tudio... Tudios? [sings] Tudios... That's the sequel... to Wheezy Studios. And then there's WheeThreedios, and WheeFourdios, aaaand WheeFivedios, and then there's WheeSixdios, which is known as Wheezy Balboa cause it mimics the Rocky series. What am I talking about? EXPLOSION!
singing rug, beardlovers, angry sun, Explosion Wednesday, headlines, chips and salsa, Scarlett Johansson, eagle, wink, outtakes
Why no Handstands?
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