[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Good morning good morning good morning good morning good morning beardlovers. We have very little to do and an adequate amount of time to do it so let's get started.
You know, thinking about my pathetic failure in the beard competition reminded me of my poll on wheezywaiter dot com. Third on the list of reasons you're not doing your pet project is that you're afraid of failure.
See, that is one thing that should not keep you from doing your pet project. Unless your project is lion taming. And who doesn't want to be the next Siegfried or Roy? Am I right?
When you start a new project, you are most likely going to fail. You have to fail if you're gonna get good. I fail at stuff all the time. Let's take a ride on the fail boat.
Good morning good morning good night beardlovers! No!
Good night good...
Good morning good morning good morning ... [looks out of frame] Line! *ding* you beardlovers. I kid. I kid.
Good morning good morrow ... good morrow?
Good morning good morning good b... arrrgh
To be or not to be that is the question whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them, beardlovers [pauses] Doh!
[Attempts to slap a slap bracelet on his wrist unsuccessfully. It falls to the floor.]
[Slaps the slap bracelet again but it doesn't slap correctly, assuming a strange shape on his wrist.]
[Slaps the slap bracelet against his forehead.] Aaaagh.
On the count of 3, I'm going to jump real high on one leg. 1... 2... 3. [sits down and assumes the pose of The Thinker] Oh... aaaugh!
You know the thing about Chicago water? It's not too bad for city water. [As he sips from the cup, the title "orange juice" appears on screen, pointing at the cup. Wheezy takes a sip, smacks his lips, and nods contentedly.]
I'm wearing the same shirt I was wearing last night. That's a wardrobe fail.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go the bathroom. [gets up and exits frame to the left] [Title on screen appears with an arrow towards where he went that says "< CLOSET"] Oh gross!
The best way to learn something is through your mistakes. I peed in the closet eight or nine times before I moved on to the kitchen table. That's one step closer to the kitchen sink! And a whole lot farther away from out the window.
It's time for a wink. Charlie? What took you so long?
[Charlie:] Now that I've got an HD camera, I finally have the confidence to send you a wink. You ready? [winks (ding)] Oh yeah!
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]