[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. Did you know that tomorrow is the day that Christopher Columbus discovered the Americas?
He hasn't discovered it yet?
No, it is an annual celebration of the day he discovered it, which makes today Columbus Day Eve.
How do you celebrate Columbus Day Eve?
I celebrate it by getting drunk! Wooo! [takes top off beer] Happy Lonely Day! [sips] Mmm. Did I say Lonely Day? [sad face/sad music. Stops himself. sad face/sad music]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
It's always so quiet in here when I'm not talking to the camera. See? Listen. [whale sounds] Except for the whale. [alligator sounds] And my alligator. [eagle squawks] Stupid eagle! But no humans.
[Clone leans into frame:] Hey, you wanna play a game?
[Craig:] Shut up, clone! You're ruining my loneliness example! Get to the alligator pit!
I wish there were some way to have more people around.
[The clone jumps into alligator pit and as he falls, he yells:] What about meeeeeee? [Alligator munches.]
Anyway, let's talk about the news.
[shows article] How to brand a disease and sell a cure.
This article is about how instead of branding a drug to cure a disease, you brand the disease so that people think it's much worse than it actually is and then they buy the drug. Speaking of, I need to take my neck pills. I have this neck problem where my head only turns this far on both sides. But I'm taking some pills to get rid of the problem.
I think this problem started when I was about seven, around the time I saw The Exorcist.
I also discovered that I came down with antispaceyolous after I saw The Usual Suspects.
It's a rare disease one catches when they're bitten by a certain South American mosquito. You know you've come down with antispaceyolous when you look in the mirror and you see that you are not Kevin Spacey. I'm paying a doctor a lot of money to work on this with me. We're making good progress so far. [Craig smoothes his hair back and a picture of Kevin Spacey enters the frame so it's side by side with Craig]
I'm glad these drug companies are doing such a good job of marketing these diseases that I didn't know or cared existed. But now I'm terrified of all of them. [Frightened face/Psycho music]
In other news today... [eagle squawks] Shut up, stupid eagle!! Gaaaah! [Jumps up into the sky, brandishing his fist, looks around for the eagle, who's not visible.] Where is he?
[The eagle slides in/singing rug] [The eagle squawks] [Closer shot of the eagle squawking] [Closer shot] [An eagle clone enters the frame and squawks] [The two eagles squawk] [The eagle clone hovers near the alligator pit and then dives in.] [Alligator munching.] [Eagle squawks] [Craig lands, punching the eagle out of frame]
Get away from my vlog! [Craig sits down and looks up] Just because it's Columbus Day Eve and you're the mascot of our country doesn't mean you get your own web show!
[Viewer:] Ooooooo.... [Text on screen: total: 81 seconds] I almost forgot the most important part of the video. [Winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So we are still doing super amazing in the Supernote competition. If you haven't submitted a Supernote yet, or you don't know what I'm talking about, go here to watch this video [points to annotation] and leave a video response Supernote and end with a wink. Please? We're gaining on Shay Carl. But ssshhhfffttbbshh... don't tell him. Don't tell him.
One more thing. Prank House, which I was supposed to do in a week, has been postponed.
No, not postpwned [text over his mouth: pwned]. Postponed [text over his mouth: poned].
I'll let you know when it's gonna happen when I find out. [banjo face]
singing rug, beardlovers, sad face, whale tank, alligator pit, eagle, clone, headlines, Supernote, wink, banjo face
Wheezy Eagle on YouTube