|Original Upload date||March 23, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||cherubicwindigo|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. How are you today? You're looking really good. Really good. You gonna eat that? Right there? No? You're not? Thank you. [pulls a plate of Eggo waffles away from camera] Alright. [eats a bite of waffle] Mmm. Yep. Well, see ya later, ugly. [gets up and walks to kitchen eating waffles]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[From main camera angle, we can see Craig sitting at kitchen table, back to camera, eating. He turns.] Oh. [sits down with waffles] I'm sorry. Did I call you ugly before? I forget to pretend to be nice when I'm eating. [takes a bite] Mmm. Mmm. You are so stupid. I did it again!
All done. Veil of kindness back on. I like you.
You may be wondering how I was able to do this... [shows clip from moment before of him walking to kitchen] when yesterday I did this... [shows black and white clip from previous day's video] Cannonball! Woo! [cannonballs into the whale tank] ... into my whale aquarium. Well, I have a wooden panel cover. See? [gets up and jumps up and down on the wooden panel cover, which after a few jumps, breaks.] Cover's broken! [Craig falls in the whale tank. He climbs out and his face and hair is all wet.] Thank goodness for water-resistant clothing.
Worst part is Michael Phelps found out I had an aquarium and he just hangs out in there. Every time I go in, I have to deal with so much peer pressure to smoke a bong. Now he got my whale into it. And the worst part about that... [whale sounds] ... ugh, here's your bacon bits... [drops bacon bits into the whale tank] Whale munchies. [whale sounds]
Phelps, don't eat the bacon bits! I said get your own!
Michael Phelps is a hungry man. [turns back to whale tank where whale is continuing to make noise] What do you want now? Oh, ranch sauce. No! [throws bottle of ranch dressing into the kitchen] Ever since my whale became a stoner, my salad is so bland.
Today Obama signs his new sweeping health care legislation into law. [holds up a picture he drew. It's a man's face (with a beard) smiling.] That's supposed to convey happiness.
That's right, I'm for it. I don't want to get too much into it right now but I'm curious to know what wheezywaiter subscribers think. Some of you might be like, Yeah! He's on my side! And some of you might be like, [makes an angry face and angry noises] because you ate a lot of cheese, which has been known to back ya up... a little bit. You should probably lay off of that.
It's not a perfect bill, but I think it's a step in the right direction. Not that anything could ever be perfect but what I mean is it doesn't have everything in it that I would like. Whatcha gonna say, commenters? [whale sounds] My whale is even for it. [sound of laughter] And that is Michael Phelps' laughter of approval.
In whale language the word for 'gimme bacon bits' and the word for 'I approve of the sweeping health care legislation despite its imperfections' is the same word. It's a very efficient language.
Last night on my alternate channel wheezynews, I asked you to ask me questions or tell me to say something. Well, [turns to alternate camera angle. myeyeshadowisodd's comment is shown at bottom of screen] Geoff, Natasha doesn't want to talk to you anymore so stop commenting on her Facebook wall posts. Everybody knows that. [turns back to main camera angle. Then turns back to alternate camera angle.] Geoff, I understand. Cheer up buddy. There are plenty of fish in the sea. [whale sounds] Or whales. Sexy lady whales. [sound of Michael Phelps laughing] Or Michael Phelps.
[A cat blinks (ding) (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [shows comment from heathmcateer at bottom of screen] I'm outta here dudes! [runs into kitchen]
[Camera in window films street below as MrMurderification's comment is shown on bottom of screen. Craig runs down street:] Go Team Venture!
This is the first reference to (and offscreen appearance by) Michael Phelps.
The clip from the previous day's video comes from H2 Uh Oh.
Whale Munchies on YouTube