|Original Upload date||December 8, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Andrew Rinke|
|Camera work by||
Fill up your bowl with kibbles and vlits. This video's coming at ya vloggy style. [points at camera]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro logo as Craig raps a theme:] Bow wow wow yippee vlow yippee vlay bow wow yippee vlow yippe vlay.
Forgive me, beardlovers. I'm getting over a cold and I'm a bit nasally.
[sips from mug] Mm. This gin and juice needs a bit more ice. [holds up tray of ice cubes. drops ice cube into mug. sips again.] Where's my endo? [looks around] Huh. Must have had my mind on my money again.
If you are unaware of the artist Snoop Dogg, then I will apologize for the first 23 seconds of this video. After you apologize for living under a rock.
So recently, I took a trip out to L.A.
When you hear L.A., you know what comes to mind. [pause] Los Angeles. Acronym.
As many of you know, I won a contest and was given a Ford Fiesta for six months. I went out there because the Fiesta people had this awesome event in honor of us returning the cars to them. But I had fun! [to emphasize his point, Craig holds up his index finger.]
[still holding up his index finger] And yes, my index finger represents fun. [holds up middle finger too] This finger represents something else. *Ding* you. That's what it represents. I'm not saying that to you. [sighs] Teaching sign language is so difficult. That's not what I'm doing.
Anyway, let me show you the fun.
I stayed at The London West Hollywood [shows sign]. That location is confusing.
[shot of a guy with the camera pointed at Craig] I filmed a Ford guy filming me filming him filming me filming him filming me. It's infinite! Infineato. Infinify? Infiniterrific? Maybe a pun isn't appropriate here.
And then I had to give up the Fiesta. I handled it like a man... [Craig, standing over his Fiesta, weeping. He hugs the car] ...who has lost all self-control.
But hey, I put my name on one of those balls [shot of a bunch of small balls] for a chance to win a new Ford Fiesta. And I did win! More on that later.
Prominent YouTube personality Olga Kay did a thing. [shot of Olga Kay doing a thing]
[shooting skyline] And on the roof of the hotel was this gorgeous, spectacular, absolutely beautiful view of the buffet table. [camera pans to buffet table]
Then it was time for a hip Hollywood event.
[Craig:] I'm at a hip Hollywood event. [shoots over his shoulder at a bunch of people standing around. Lifts camera] See? Look at how eventful it is.
Caught a brief glimpse of my barren future... [Shooting a guy's bald spot] but then narrowly avoided the paradox of my future self seeing me thus destroying the universe. [As the guy with the bald spot turns around to see Craig, Craig pans the camera to film the marquee.]
[Craig:] Oh, sorry.
You're welcome. I'm a dork.
[Craig:] Now I am inside the Hollywood event. [shot of a car at the event] A car? In the middle of the dance floor? [shot of a car at the event] A car... in the middle of the dance floor! [shot of a car at the event] A car??? In the middle of the dance floor??? Wow!!
Look at that. That's my Indiana Jones movie playing on a loop on the big screen! [shot of a big screen where Craig's Indiana Jones movie is playing] Believe me when I say no one was more excited than me. [Craig is transfixed by his own movie.] Hours of entertainment. Swoon.
That video also won me this award. [holds up an award] Best beard. It's a Frisbee. [closeup of where award says: Best Beard Craig Benzine Dec 09]
Okay, now let me tell you about the car that I won. I didn't win. I lied.
Thanks to Morgan Sherwood aka flawedartist for helping me film some of that stuff.
Now here's a wink from my main contact for the Fiesta Movement, Andrew Rinke. Or RInkay. Rink. I don't know. It's a Rink wink. Or a Rinky winky. Rinkay winkay.
[Music pounds. Camera moves across a Fiesta. Turns to Andrew, who winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Bow wow wow yippee vlow yippee vlay. Bow wow yippee vlow yippee vlay.
Must have had my mind on my money again. Or was it my money on my mind? Aren't those both the same thing? [singing:] With my mind on my money and my money in my wallet. With my mind on my money invested in an IRA. [turns to camera] See, that's better. Two different things. And a wise investment for a secure future.
infineato. infinify, infiniterrific
Craig's Indiana Jones movie that was playing on the big screen at the event (and that won him the award) is Indiana Jones & Raiders of the Lost Summary.
Vloggy Style on YouTube