|Original Upload date||February 11, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||elenorsturtle|
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig's head and apartment are upside down so that the top of his head is at the bottom of the frame.]
Hey beardlovers. A weird thing happened to me. I grew out a full beard but I lost my mouth, my room is upside down, my eyebrows moved below my eyes, and my nose is above. But I guess I won the contest. [title on screen: contest = beard growing competition]
Thank you for all of your one-word comments yesterday. I was overwhelmed. That was way more comments than I've ever gotten.
This is very weird. I really want to drink this orange juice [holds up a cup of orange juice, which is also upside down, obviously] but I don't have a mouth and why isn't it falling out of the glass? How is gravity working right now?
Did your rooms turn upside down too?
Hmm, this really makes me want to sit and ponder. [rubs the top of his head, which is now his chin, like he would his beard] My beard hair is really thin.
I look like a football player, you know, with those black lines under their eyes. How am I even talking right now if I don't have a mouth?
I guess I'll just have to learn to get used... [suddenly everything is right side up again] oh! [gets up so we can see his whole face.] Back to normal. [rubs his beard] Yeah, I guess that'll do.
I think I need to do some more beard-stimulating forms taught to me by Raaa-bertson. [Does some punching and kicking. Spins his arms and he moves across the floor.] I want the beard! I want the beard! [puffs out his cheeks and appears to be trying to force the beard to come out faster] I want the beard! [puffs out his cheeks again] I'm sitting in a chair and I'm thinking about my beard. [Rolls his head around a lot. Spins.] Beard.
That'll do for now.
So there's this internet videografist like me who lives across town here in Chicago. That's what we call it here. Makes us sound tougher. Videografist! [makes a fist] Chicago's a pretty tough town. His name is Consumatron, and he wrote me a letter in one of his recent videos. Well, I got it right here. [holds up envelope] Let's see what he wrote. Okay. [pulls out note and hums as he opens it. Reads it.] Mm mm. That's the nicest thing I've ever read. I'll never show it to anybody. It's like that suitcase in Pulp Fiction. Just assume it's the most beautiful thing you could ever see. Oh, there's something else in there. Oh yeah, he mentioned that in his video.
[Consumatron's video:] p.s. Please deliver the other contents of this envelope to that guy who looks just like you and punches you all the time. [Consumatron punches the inside of the envelope]
Oh. haha. I got you. [Craig and a clone sit by side by side. The clone is holding the envelope.]
[Craig:] Hey buddy, there's something else in that envelope for you.
[Clone:] Oh, well, thank you.
[Fist emerges from envelope and punches Craig]
[Craig:] Agh! I had it turning the wrong way. Owww.
Well, that's enough videografizing for today. Elenorsturtle?
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding) with fingerguns (shooting sound)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
Consumatron's letter-writing video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRvljrkzlP0.
Videografist on YouTube