Video Every Weekday in January
From Wheezy Wiki
|"Video Every Weekday in January"|
|Original Upload date||December 31, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||
Happy last day of the Gregorian year. Or old year's night. Or new year's eve.... if you follow the Gregorian calendar. Unless, I suppose, you're about 10 time zones east of me. It's probably already New Years Day. Oh... so, yay!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Woo! Happy New Year! [pops the cork off a bottle of wine] Woo! Oh. This is wine. No bubbles. Idea! [pours seltzer water into a wine glass.] Woo! [pops cork off bottle of wine while holding his wine glass. Seltzer water flies up in the air and wine and water are spilled on him. He turns to camera.]
[Standing, with paper towels] New Years resolution [Bending down, wiping up mess] Don't do stupid things.
Nope, that was a bad example of a New Years resolution. A lot of people don't like to make resolutions because it sets themselves up for disappointment and it puts too much pressure on them. When you make a New Years resolution, you have to be more specific.
Don't say something like: [clip of him from a moment before:] Don't do stupid things. [back to now:] How about, don't be a dumb person? No, that's less specific.
Okay, how about, read labels before you buy booze? Close.
How about, don't buy booze drunk. That's what I did. That's not what I did.
How about, don't break into a friend's home and steal their booze? In the dark. Bring a flashlight. And wear clothes. You could do without the public indecency ticket you got afterwards.
But you also have to be honest with yourself. Make sure you can achieve the goal or you will set yourself up for disappointment.
Okay, if I'm gonna steal booze from a friend, I'm gonna be naked. It's who I am. But I am gonna bring a flashlight. Baby steps.
Other New Years resolutions: Stop wearing t-shirts I've been wearing for the past 8 years.
[putting on a new shirt] End of the year lists.
First list. Top five best public domain pictures I find in the next five minutes.
Number five, girl eating yogurt. [photo of a girl eating yogurt] Whose daughter is that? What kind of yogurt is she eating? What's she looking at? So many questions. So adorable.
Number four, hand holding a house. [photo of a hand holding a house] They're holding a house!!!
Number three is penguins. [photo of penguins] You can't argue with penguins. It's the right choice.
Number two. Money. [picture of a hundred dollar bill] So appropriate for the times we live in. Think of the times.
And number one. The human brain. [graphic of brain with different colors for each brain area] The big winner of the last five minutes. Color-coded human brain. Good enough to eat. I'm not a zombie.
I'm starting to think penguins should have been number one. Alright. Flip brain and penguins.
If I had a nickel for every time I said "flip brain and penguins".....
[pulling on an argyle sweater] Argyle? What do you think? Too preppy?
Another New Years resolution. [gets up and walks to camera, which is in a new place, pointing towards his closet] Break out of my comfort zone... meaning move the camera away from my desk at least once every video. It gets a little stagnant. Stagnate. Weird word.
Top five best things in my sink right now. [Turns to go to kitchen]
[At kitchen sink]
Number five, this fork. [picks up fork] Awesome.
Not this plate. [moves a plate in the sink[ I hate this *ding*in' plate.
This spoon. [holds up spoon] Number four.
Whiskey glass, number three. [holds up whiskey glass]
Number two, this plate. [holds up plate] It's better than the other plate.
Number one, Settlers of Catan mug. [holds up a mug with an image from Settlers of Catan] I'm a dork. Thanks Martha.
[to camera that's pointing towards closet:] Another New Years resolution.
[turns to camera that's pointing towards windows now:] A video every weekday in January. My belt is unbuckled. [buckles belt] That's weird.
[sits down in his regular spot]
This has been an amazing year. Thank you all for watching and commenting and subscribing. You're gonna see a lot more of me in January so I'm gonna shut up now.
One more thing. As you may know, I end my videos with winks. I have a lot of winks right now. I'm gonna try to use them as much as possible. But I'm changing the way winks work. From now on, if you'd like to send me a wink, make it a video response to the latest video. And I'm gonna pick the best one for the next video. So, please, send me a wink as a video response to this video. [smiles]
Now let's have a wink.
[Taylor winks and blinks several times (many dings) and smiles]
You know what? Let's have another wink.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Let's have a wink.
[Winker:] Well, we all know what Wheezy Waiter's mother would say about this weather.
[clip of Craig as his hypothetical mother:] It's snowing like a mother*ding*er out there.
[Winker winks (ding)]
Hey. We should have a wink.
[Winker winks (ding) and winks again (ding):] Mmm, golden.
Now I think I need some coffee. Could someone make me coffee and then wink? Don't drink any of it. The coffee, not the wink.
[Closeup of Folgers classic roast. Winker makes coffee. Pours coffee into mug with sign on it "Coffee for Weezywaiter.' Winker holds it up to camera, winks (ding), and takes a sip.]
I said don't drink any of it!!!
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Wow! This video will never end. One more thing. Please leave a comment telling me what your resolution is because one of my resolutions is to respond to more comments. Be specific. I don't want something like "be a better person," "eat better." I want specific goals.
My lips are red because I've been drinking wine.
[whispers:] Happy New Year.
[title on screen: please leave a video response wink on the latest video]
The clip of Craig as his hypothetical mother that one of the winkers included in their wink came from Breakfast 5: Flock of Bagels.
Video Every Weekday in January on YouTube