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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 347
Original Upload date July 12, 2010
Running time 0:03:57
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by IwanttoliveinParis
Winkers: Kristina Horner
Luke Conard
Great People
Guests: John Green
Hank Green
The Gregory Brothers
Ze Frank
Heather (FaeryFaith)
Bill (doctornoise)
Todd (Toddly00)
Caitlin (MimieSky)
Kristen (bombsfadeaway)
Mitchell Davis
Charlie (charlieissocoollike)
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Craig Ave."
Next →
"Handstand 101"



Hey beardlovers. I'm here on the balcony of my Hollywood hotel. I'm here for VidCon. There are way more famous people around me than when I'm at home in Chicago. I've never met any of them, but just knowing that they're there is good enough. So goodbye friends and family. I've decided I'm gonna stay here forever.
[Back in his apartment] Ah, traveling by blinking again? Oh crap! [sees camera. smiles.] Hi! I... think... I'm back home... friends and family. It's probably for the best. All that sun makes me squint... [shows image from him on the balcony with an arrow pointing to his eyes that are squinting] ... apparently.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. I know I was just here, but I thought I'd go over there and slide back in because... you know... [makes raspberry].
So it's been a while since I've put up a video. But I have a legitimate excuse. I was in California and... [glances at alternate camera angle in middle of a long pause, then looks at main camera angle as the silence continues. Makes raspberry.]
So... what did I do last week? Well, I went to Disneyland. [shows footage] I saw Alice and the Mad Hatter and an EXPLOSION! Did I mention it was Wednesday? It was Wednesday. In line for the Haunted Mansion, they had these gravestones with super clever names and an EXPLOSION!
I found the explosion in the middle of the scene transition in Aladdin to be a little out of place. [Explosion during scene transition during Aladdin. Craig jumps, startled.] And someone was only wearing one pant leg. [An arrow points to a person behind Craig who has a bare leg]
On Thursday I went to Magic Mountain. [looks off camera] Hey you! Roll the footage! I'm pointing at nobody. Go on! Roll it! [black screen] Just kidding! There is no footage. I'm not gonna bring a camera into a roller coaster park. Geez. Jeepers. Wow. [Breathes in and out very rapidly in extreme closeup] But I will reenact it. It was basically like this. Whoaaaaa! Whoaaaaaaa! [Image spins around] Gets off roller coaster. [Banjo face] [Serious face] [Banjo face] [Serious face]
Then the main event! The online video convention known as VidCon put on by the vlogbrothers, Hank and John Green. [shows footage of John and Hank on stage] While there, I saw Auto Tune the News [shows footage], Ze *ding*ing Frank [shows footage]. Look how close I was. [Not that close at all.] We were practically hugging. Went over to the DFTBA booth where they were selling stuff [a picture of DPC's EP Expert is superimposed over footage for a second], including my band's CD, Driftless Pony Club. Link in the doobly-doo. I just had to keep them in line.
[Craig:] Todd. [Todd looks over.] Wave. [He waves] Now stop waving. [He stops.] Now wave. Now stop. Now wave now stop. Wave stop. Good.
And Mitchell Davis informed me of his nametag mixup.
[Mitchell:] Hey, so I printed this thing and it says Mitchell Davis, and then the other one [flips it over to show another nametag] is Mitchell Craig. And then I wrote "with a Wig."
And Craig with a Wig was there. I finally got him out of the kitchen. It went well.
[Craig with a Wig looks completely freaked out. He's lying on the floor of the hotel room.] Ohhhhhhhh.
[Theme song:] Craigity Craig, Craig with a Wig. [Craig with a Wig turns his head and smiles.] [toy piano key] [Turns his head back and keeps moaning:] Ohhhhhhhhhh.
He never left the bedroom.
I didn't film everybody I met, and I met a lot of you. Too many to name. But it was really nice to meet all of you. Especially you. [points at camera] You were my favorite. You know, the one with the clothes. And the face. And the gender.
And it was nice to put a face to all of you that watch [music starts in the background]. It's... It's an honor, and I'm really glad that you enjoy... what I do... It's just... ah... [starts getting emotional] ... I gotta.... I just... [Cuts to a shot where we can see a clone behind Craig playing the guitar]
[Craig turns to him] Stop the sappy music! [punches the clone]
[Clone:] Ahhh! Oh! [Craig smiles as clone backs out of frame]
Anyway, it was nice to meet all of you. And to those of you I didn't meet, it was not nice to not meet you. Double not nice. Wait, that's a double negative. It was triple not nice to not meet you.
Now if there's a VidCon next year, I'm putting my name in early. Hank, John, I want to present at VidCon and I want my band to play. And I want a number two animal style at In-N-Out Burger, which I ate four times while I was in California. No joke. This is serious. Serious!
But either way, I will attend next time. Especially since I left my suit coat in my room. If anyone's still there, could you talk to the front desk and see if they have it? Thanks.
[Voice behind camera:] Kristina? Okay. [Kristina winks (ding)] Nice. [Pans camera to Luke.] You want to wink for Wheezy? [Luke winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
One more thing. I met this guy named Andrew Slack at VidCon. He is a co-founder of The HP Alliance, also known as The Harry Potter Alliance. They're a charity organization that has done lots of things to help Haiti. Currently they're in a contest put on by Chase Bank for 250 thousand dollars. All you have to do is vote to help them win. I think they're gonna do good things with that money, and I'm gonna vote for them. Link in the doobly-doo. The deadline is midnight tonight, eastern time. Not Easter time. Eastern time. Easter time doesn't exist. In that time I was stupidly talking about Easter, you could have already voted.
[Shot of Charlie at Disneyland.] Hey, was that YouTube sensation charlieissocoollike? And an explosion? [Explosion]

Recurring elements

beardlovers, singing rug, alternate camera angle, Explosion Wednesday, breathing being his thing, banjo face, *ding*, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), doobly-doo, Craig with a Wig, clone, wink

External links

Vidcon on YouTube