Greetings wheezies. It's July 16th.
I'm kinda sick of hosting the show here at this location.
I wanna host it somewhere else. I can host it by my shelf. I can host under the table. I can host it without cable. I can host it in the kitchen. I host where I want. So quit your bitchin'. I can host it in the alley. Like I did when Nate met Sally. I can host it with Don Juan. I can host while on the john. I can host while drinking coffee. I host where I want. So fuck off-ee. I can host it in the road. This is a violent webisode.
Maybe that's not such a good idea.
Let's see what Yours Truly has to say this time. Oh, he says the rest of the world sees America as an ignorant bully.
Oh really, Yours Truly? Didn't know that. Guess it's cause I'm ignorant. I'll show you that I'm not ignorant or a bully! With fire! [Shoots fire from his hands] And lightning! [Shoots lightning from his hands] And numbers. [Shoots numbers from his hands] And all without computer trickery. Just like America.
Other than bullying, there's a more subtle way of getting what you want. It's a phenomenon known by every waiter in the industry. There are certain people that think by being nice to a waiter, it supplements tipping. I would rather have a guest punch me in the face and pay me fifty dollars than tongue kiss me on the mouth and rub my nipples, which I like, and pay me nothing. After all, I could use that fifty dollars to pay someone to rub my nipples later. And still have 17 dollars and 36 cents left for booze and snacks. Mmmm. snacks. [eats chips and salsa] Get drunk!!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Verbal Tip.
The Verbal Tip
[Wheezy the waiter:] Hello, sir. Welcome to [music].
[Customer:] Oh hey. What's your name, sir?
[Wheezy the waiter:] Oh I'm Craig.
[Customer:] Well let me tell you, Craig, you're the best server I have ever had.
[Wheezy the waiter:] I just came to the table for the first time.
[Customer:] I know but I've been watching you, and I told the host to seat me directly in your section because you're so great. And really good looking too. Man, look at you. You have Brad Pitt's eyes.
[Wheezy the waiter:] Are you coming on to me?
[Customer:] No I'm not, but I mean, if I were a girl, I would love you. All the time.
[Wheezy the waiter:] You're not going to tip me at all, are you?
[Customer:] Absolutely not because I'm super friendly, and that's all your looking for is friendship. I tell you what... why don't you get me the cheapest thing you've got cause I'm cheap and friendly?
[Wheezy the waiter:] Awesome. For the next 45 minutes we are going to develop such a close relationship and then we'll never see each other again. Isn't that worth it? I'll be right back.
[Customer:] I love you! [sigh] This is going to be a good day.
Well, I just used up my entire day off. When I could have been playing with this thing. [Shoots a squiggly thing from his hand] Bye now.
wheezies, Veronica Mars, comments, no computer trickery, chips and salsa, "get drunk!", clone, music replaces the restaurant's name, It's a Crazy Crazy Crazy ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Customers, wink
Wheezy references his video when nate met sally.
Verbal Tip on YouTube