[Jazzy music as Craig slides in from the left of frame]
This carpet sounds a bit swing. [turns to camera. Because it's daytime, he is just a silhouette against the window] This angle isn't going to work, is it? Hey commenters, how many tongues am I holding out? [talks with his tongue(s) out] You have no idea.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. I made the mistake of happening in Vegas. Now I have to stay. [makes a frowny face] The good news is I didn't have much scheduled to do today so that gave me lots of time [points from himself to camera a few times]... to take a nap. Which I did. For two hours. And now I'm hungry so I'm gonna go eat. On the way, I'm gonna gamble these five dollars. [holds up five one dollar bills] I'll let you know how I did.
Done. You think I lost it all, don't you? Doubled it on video poker! [holds up voucher for ten dollars] Boom! Except that's a voucher which means I'll probably put it back in the machine later and then lose it all. [singing:] Doublin' my money... [sniffs air] I think the coffee's done. [gets up and runs towards the door] [shot of walking towards a Starbucks coffee] [Craig inside the Starbucks:] I love it when the coffee's done. [Swings camera to show salesperson helping another customer]
[Salesperson:] Hi. What can I get for you?
[Outside:] There's escalators everywhere in Vegas. In fact, it's Vegas' main mode of transportation. I wonder where this one goes. [turns camera to an escalator nearby] Let's find out. [films himself going up escalator] Where am I going? Ohh! [Craig rises up from below the frame in his hotel room, filming himself, looks around, confused] I'm back.
So... [leaps onto the sofa, puts finger to his forehead] vlogmesilly writes [shows comment] "I spy the crappy Fountain Bleu hotel/casino in the background which is a hotel that went bankrupt and hasn't been worked on in probably over a year now." [jumps on another sofa] You're absolutely write, vlogme. Talk about going green. [assumes a reclined posture that is untranscribable] Imagine how much energy that building would use if they actually had people in it. That's a pretty good idea. Ugh, I hate people. [turns and sees his own reflection in the mirror] Except for you. Hey, you. That's what I said! That's what I said!
This hotel room has a lot of mirrors in it. [In bedroom, filming wall of mirrors] I could never be lonely here. Right, face on the wall?
[Shot of painting on wall of a face.]
[Craig looks surprised]
[Craig sitting on bed, staring at himself in wall of mirror] Why am I reminded of The Shining?
[lying on bed with legs up in the air] Speaking of buildings, I got a chance to look at the Trump Tower. [shot of Trump Tower] I don't know how I feel about naming a tower after yourself and having your name tower over everybody else. [image of Trump Tower at night] That's kinda arrogant. [lying on bed, facing mirror] I think if I were to name a building, I'd name it Craig Is Awesome. Cause then at least they'd know why my name is towering over them.
[sitting on bed looking at himself in mirror] I realize I'm saying all this while looking at myself in the mirror and not at the camera. [standing in front of mirror] I guess the point of all of this is that since I've come to Vegas, I've fallen in love with myself and I've gone completely insane. I'm also really late. I gotta go film some more of the conference.
[Winker winks (ding) and someone comes up from behind, grabs the guy's head, slams it down twice, throws guy to the side, and winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig jumps onto the sofa, puts finger to his forehead] vlo... [gets up]
[Craig sitting on bed, staring at himself. Puts his hand on the mirror.] I wanna be you.
singing rug, beardlovers, "I love it when the coffee's done!", comments, wink, outtakes
VegassageV on YouTube