|Original Upload date||December 7, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||mmasonghistudios|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today I wanted to... hang... hang on a second. [moves tongue around in his mouth] Got something in my teeth. [Roots around in his mouth some more with his tongue. Mumbles. Then spits an explosion.] Whew. I shouldn't have been chewing on exploding pens earlier. Actually, it's probably okay. They help fight the gum disease gingivitis. And they turn your cold sores into just sores.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
You guessed it. Today is EXPLOSION Wednesday. Trial run. To see if I wanna make it a thing officially or not. Though it has been a very brief trial run, I know some of you are growing impatient. Just know that in the future...
[shows comment by gelleighbean:] You never follow through with anything. [The anything in the comment is spelled with many Gs]
I do so! I totally follow through with blah blah I'm done with this sentence. I'll even finish your entire comment. [shows comment again with an arrow pointing at the Gs that he overpronounces] Anything-guh-guh. Do I have bad breath? [breathes into his hand and sniffs it] I should brush my teeth. [gets up and walks towards the bathroom. Stops suddenly in the kitchen.] Cookies? Hmm. Maybe I better have a cookie before I brush my teeth for several reasons. [turns to another camera] One. It will taste bad after. [A list begins onscreen. Text onscreen: 1) Taste bad after] Two. It will immediately brush off the cookie resin promoting proper dental hygiene. [2) Brush off cookie] Three. It will something something I forgot. [3) ] Cookie time! [starts to open cookies] Ooh, that's a brand. People are gonna think that's a sponsor but it's not a sponsor. I'll blur it out later. [It's not blurred out. They're Oreos. Eats cookies while making nomming sounds.] Needs milk. [Opens fridge. Looks down.] Oh no! Cookies on the floor. Better sweep that up so I don't get the... There's the broom and the dust thing. [Sweeping] Sweep, sweep. I hate that last bit that doesn't get in the dust... I'm leaving it. Whatever. [Goes to throw out cookie he just swept up.] Oh, trash is kinda full. Better not throw this in there yet. [Puts dustpan down on table. Goes to grab the trash bag.] Grab the trash. Tie it up. Not. [Carries the trash bag, untied, part of the way down the stairs.] Ooh, kinda chilly. I better get a coat. [Puts trash bag on step and runs back up steps. About to enter his apartment, he turns to camera. In the apartment behind him, the fridge door is still open and the dustpan is still on the table:] There haven't been many explosions in this video yet, have there? In EXPLOSION news, [shows headline] Pearl Harbor attacks remembered 70 years later. Hmm. Seems a bit insensitive to make light of that. Too soon. I'll come up with something later. Whatever. [Enters his apartment]
There's my coat, right where I absentmindedly tossed it. [Picks coat up off floor.] Ooh, this would go better than blue jeans instead of black jeans. To the hamper! Leave that there for now. [Throws coat back on the floor. Walks to hamper. Tips it over. The fridge door is still open, by the way. Grabs jeans from clothes that have spilled out of hamper. Starts to put them in washing machine.] What am I doing? This is clone's work! [Walks to cloning area door. Enters the cloning area. Closes door. Buzzing sound. Craig exits.] This door handle's wobbly. Screwdriver.
[A clone exits. He's super short. We don't see him from waist down.] Hey! You only made half of me!
[Craig, who's got a cabinet door open, presumably looking for screwdriver:] Shut.
[Top-half clone:] Shut up?
[Top-half clone:] Affirmative? You're not finishing your words.
[Craig:] Col.. frig do o mus shut or.
[Top-half clone:] Cold and must shut the fridge door.
[Craig walks up to the fridge to shut door. He steps on cookie crumbs and looks down. He babbles. Sounds like.] Oh. Cru shou sha mu wa. [Doesn't shut fridge door but heads for sink.]
[Top-half clone:] Crumbs on shoes. Must wash.
[Craig runs water in sink and lifts his leg and puts shoe in running water. After a moment, he babbles again. Sounds like:] Ah ra wa nay ha pay. [Leaves the sink with water still running.]
[Top-half clone:] Running water makes you have to pee. I don't have that problem. [Looks down at the bottom half of body that isn't there.]
[Craig runs past overturned hamper and open washing machine to the bathroom. Lifts lid on toilet.]
[Top-half clone:] Uh, you didn't shut the door all the way. Shut the door. Oh! Oh, now you're going! [looks away] Okay. Oh god. [sneaks a peek] Now you remembered you didn't brush your teeth? And now you're going to... OH! You're still going! You're going to the toilet! Ugh! Oh god! I'm not cleaning that up! No! Oh... oh god! [covers his face and cries]
[Wheezy Waiter shadow outro with yet another outro theme of Craig singing:] Wheezy Wai... Ow... ow... hangnail... ow. That's probably good enough.
[Winker:] EXPLOSION! [Winks (ding)]
[Craig comes out of bathroom brushing his teeth:] Beardlovers, we are so close to our goal of ten thousand dollars to help end youth homelessness. Go to dowhateverittakes dot org. Link in the doobly-doo. Please donate. Also my band Driftless Pony Club is playing a show on Saturday the 10th. Info in the doobly-doo. [looks at Top-half clone] What are you looking at?
[Top-half clone has his hand in the air blocking his view of Craig. He looks away, disgusted.]
[Craig:] My pants are undone, aren't they?
[Top-half clone, still not looking at him:] Uh huh.
[Craig:] Hang on a second. I gotta spit. [Turns and goes into the bathroom] I haven't showered yet today. I'll spit after I shower.
The title of this video is "Unfinished Busi____" but for some reason the wiki displays the title above as Unfinished Busi. It won't allow these characters _____ to be used in the title. Weird.
Unfinished Busi____ on YouTube