[slides in/singing rug]
EXPLOSION! There. I said "Explosion!" I scared you. Now we can move on and get started with this video. EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. Did you know there are many different types of explosions? There's the volcanic EXPLOSION. DIRTSPLOSION. Wednesday Wednesday Explosion Wednesday Explosion, but I'm not sure if that's a thing yet. The jury's still out on that one. I'm also not sure if being unsure if it's a thing yet is a thing yet either. There's the billowing explosion, the bashful explosion, [an explosion starts very small] come on, come on, you can do it, [with encouragement, it starts to explode, step by step] come on, come on, you can do it, come on, [then it retreats] awww, maybe next time. Explosions cool guys don't look at. [Picture of Jason Statham walking away from an explosion] Explosions cool guys do look at [turns his head and watches an explosion. Title on screen: cool guy and an arrow pointing to Craig as he turns and kisses his own bicep and smiles. His smile glints and dings.] Nuclear EXPLOSIONS. Scarlett Johansson. [turns and looks at a picture of Scarlett Johansson] Okay, we got off topic.
Nostril FLARE. [Fire comes out of Craig's nostrils.] FIREWORKS. [A clone in the background is cleaning the door to the kitchen] Spontaneous clonesplosion. [Clone turns his head to Craig before he explodes. Craig laughs.]
[Another clone walks into frame in the background:] Is that gonna happen to me too?
[Craig:] Oh no, it won't happen to you. Don't worry about it. It's pretty rare. [Makes a funny face.]
Upside down explosion. [Explosion] That one was upside down. Explosion of ANGER. [Explosions in Craig's eyes], happiness [explosion in his smile], ambivalence?, sleep. Explosion alarm! Snooze. [Craig taps the explosion. It disappears. Craig sleeps again.] [Picture of Tom Selleck] Tom Selleck chest hair EXPLOSION. Thought explosion. [Craig thinks, strokes his chin, sound of an explosion, Craig's eyes widen, mouth drops open. Picture of Scarlett Johansson slides back into frame.]
House of Representatives Republican takeover EXPLOSION. [Picture of Nancy Pelosi explodes into a picture of John Boehner.] John, don't stand so close to the explosion. You're gonna get burned.
Tardy explosion. [After a few seconds, Craig turns and looks around, sighs, checks his wrist for the time] It was supposed to be here five minutes ago. [Explosion] You're late. What do you have to say for yourself? [Explosion] Typical.
[shows Wikipedia article] Whale explosion. Whale explosion? [reading Wikipedia article:] "The most widely reported example was in Taiwan in 2004 when the buildup of gas inside a decomposing sperm whale caused it to EXPLODE in a crowded urban area." That's nuts! Haha. Get it? Sperm whale? Nuts? I'm in fifth grade. Still, though [whale sounds] [turns to the whale tank] Oh whale, you're not gonna explode. You have to be dead and decomposing to explode. [whale sounds suddenly cease as there's the sound of an explosion] Whale? Whale, are you okay? Are you dead?! [Another explosion can be heard as Michael Phelps starts giggling and whale sounds can be heard again.] Michael Phelps, did you bring an exploding bong into the whale tank again? [another sound of an explosion] Two of them? Geez. Cotton mouth city. I think. I'm not sure how exploding bongs work.
And last but not least, the final EXPLOSION. [Screen goes black for a few seconds.]
Not... not really. That was just an example.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro graphic can be seen as the winker plays the outro theme on wine glasses. winks (hits knife against one of the glasses to resemble a ding)]
After end credit EXPLOSION. So there's another video I did with Morgan, the Orabrush Tongue, over at curebadbreath. I play four different characters. Yeah. I'm a regular Peter Sellers. You don't know who that is. This time we're giving away an iPad. To enter, subscribe to their channel, thumbs up their video, and leave a comment saying which of the three videos I did with them you like the best and why. Those videos are linked at the end of that new video I just mentioned.
[A clone appears in the background cleaning the door.]
An iPad? I kind of want one of those. Maybe I should enter. Nah, it's a disqualification. But I could get a clone to enter... [turns towards the clone as the clone explodes] Geez. Another one? They're really combustible today.
[outtakes:] Tardy explosion. [Craig looks around impatiently. Can hear some people talking in the background. He sighs.] Neighbors talking and interrupting my video EXPLOSION. [Can still hear the neighbors] This is a long explosion.
singing rug, Explosion Wednesday, beardlovers, dinging glinting smile, Scarlett Johansson, clone, Wikipedia, whale tank, Michael Phelps, wink, Orabrush, outtakes
Types of Explosions/Win an iPad! on YouTube