Tuft Luck

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"Tuft Luck"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 248
Original Upload date February 5, 2010
Running time 0:04:07
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by j0scthecitygal7
Great People
Guests: Ryan Wolff
Matt Weber
Steve Sleeve
Sam Grant
Zaid Maxwell
other party guests
Mike Benedetto
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Panda Express Myself"
Next →
"E Pluribus Football"



[slides in very close to camera/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. It's Friday. [text on screen: TGIF] TGIF. You know what, I'm sick of that phrase. Thank God It's Friday? It's too positive. What if bad things happen to you on Fridays? Like say you get punched in the face. If that ever happens. How about a new phrase? Welcome To Friday. [Text on screen: Welcome To Friday] Yeah, that's better. I don't see anything wrong with that one. At all.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I'm real tufty today. [smoothing down hair, which just pops back up] Tuft go away, tuft go away. Tufty tufty on my head, how I wish that you were dead. [hits the tuft of hair on his head with a sledgehammer] [holds sledgehammer to camera] The new hairspray.
I think I'll call this video Tuft Luck. Haha. That's gonna be funny. Let's see, did I call it that? [looks up at title] Oh yeah, I did.
Suppose I should say something about luck then to make that title make sense. Check it out. See. [holds a drawing he drew up to camera] You know what that is, right? Does it just look like a dude in a hat and beard to you? If it does, well, that's okay. I added detail. [moves finger to reveal the word "Green" with an arrow pointing to the guy in the drawing.] See? Color. It's what makes me an artist. Still don't know what it is? Oh! [moves another finger to reveal the word "Leprechaun" with an arrow pointing to the guy] Oh! See? I remembered all the details. It's a leprechaun [pronounces it lepra-chon] [speaking in an Irish accent] They're always after me Lucky Charms. Hmm. That might offend the Irish. I shouldn't say that. I remember when no one watched my videos and I could be as offensive as I wanted. And my hair could be as tufty as an unbathed poodle. Guess that's just tuft luck. Hahahaha! [points to title] That was really forced.
[holding up drawing again] It's unfortunate that this leprechaun has a dead skeleton hand. Or maybe he's just... [drops his hand from a loose wrist a few times] [says in an effeminate voice:] Whatever. You know what I mean. Is that offensive too?
[turns to alternate camera angle, shaking his head:] What are you gonna do, other camera angle? You know? You.
[turns to another camera angle, whispers:] I hate that camera angle. Don't tell anyone. You're my favorite. [turns back to main camera angle]
What? Oh, that? That's nothing. You got nothing to worry about, baby. [strokes camera] Now I'm talking to camera angles. Have I gone too far over the edge?
[turns to alternate camera angle:] Stop looking at me. [turns back to main camera angle]
Probably gonna get a lot of comments that this video isn't about anything, as I often do. Well, it is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously. Oscar Wilde. Irish poet. Not sure but he might have looked something like this. [holds up drawing of leprechaun but now "leprechaun" is crossed out and "Oscar Wilde" is written beneath it. And "Green" is crossed out and "Poet" is written instead.] There I go being offensive again. I think the coffee might be done. [gets up and goes to kitchen door] Oh yeah! [runs back to camera] I love it when the coffee's done! [runs back to kitchen door.]
[As he walks into the kitchen, he gasps. The partygoers are in various recumbent positions. Ryan is lying on is stomach on the floor, holding a bottle of wine, twitching in his sleep/stupor. Matt, wearing a beer helmet with tubes (which has a beer on one side and a jar of mayo in the other) is sleeping sitting up. The guy who hated the party appears to be sleeping. Amelia's head is resting against the twitching Ryan.]
[Steve:] Hey man, who do I talk to about getting paid? Yo, someone's gotta pay me. I've been DJing for five days.
[Craig walks to his bathroom and opens the door. Sam and Zaid are sitting in the bathtub, with the shower running, under an umbrella.]
[Zaid:] How long you think you could, uh, survive in here?
[Sam:] Well, on just water, two weeks. Yeah.
[Zaid:] Yeah, a couple weeks.
[Sam:] We could survive for a while.
[Craig walks out of the kitchen. Closes kitchen door with coffee in hand.]
Oh *shirt* it's Free Bagel Friday.
[Craig's boss starts cutting bagel, singing to himself. Craig walks up.]
[Craig:] Gimme that bagel.
[Craig's boss:] Oh god... No! Don't punch me again. You don't have to punch me.
[Craig:] Alright.
[Craig's boss:] Really?
[Craig holds up the sledgehammer]
[Craig's boss:] On second thought, a punching is a lesser of two evils. [presents his cheek to Craig, pointing at it]
[Craig:] Really? Okay. [punches his boss, who flies backwards. Craig grabs the bagel.] Well, guess I'll go let the air out of my inflatable sledgehammer. [Turns to go]
[Craig's boss, lying on ground:] And what now?
[Winkers:] Oh shirt, it's Free Bagel Friday. [Winker on left punches winker on right. They wink (ding) (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Check it out. [holds up drawing to camera] Check it out. Check it out. Check it out. See? Or maybe he's just going... [drops his hand from loose wrist a couple of times] [speaks in effeminate voice:] Whatever. [drops his hand from loose wrist a couple of times] [speaks in effeminate voice:] Whatever. You know. [drops his hand from loose wrist a few times] [speaks in effeminate voice:] Whatever. You know what I mean.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, alternate camera angle, "I love it when the coffee's done!", kitchen party, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, wink, outtakes

External links

Tuft Luck on YouTube