Tron Premiere

From Wheezy Wiki

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Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
[Quiet Clone starts mumbling quietly:] Hey beardlovers. Today we're gonna talk about...
[Craig walks in from kitchen:] Back home from L.A. Quiet Clone, what are you doing?
[Quiet Clone:] I'm doing a video blog 'cause you're in L.A.
[Craig:] What?!!
[Quiet Clone:] I'm doing a video blog 'cause you're in L.A.
[Craig:] How's that?
[Quiet Clone:] I'm doing a video blog...
[Craig:] Come again?
[Quiet Clone:] 'cause you're in L.A.
[Craig:] Speak up!
[Quiet Clone:] I'm doing a video blog 'cause you're in L.A.
[Craig:] Oh my god! I hate you so much! Oh wow!
[Quiet Clone:] I thought I could do [mumbles quietly]
[Craig:] I hate you also as much as I hate you.
[Quiet Clone:] I'm talking as loud as I can talk.
[Craig:] My ears hurt from the yearning to hear what you say.
[Quiet Clone continues mumbling quietly.]
[Craig:] Oh god! Danzig! Oh god! Humphrey Bogart! God!
[Quiet Clone:] Now you're just yelling random celebrities.
[Craig:] Jose Canseco!
[Quiet Clone:] Oh no! Oh no!
[Craig is suddenly sitting beside Quiet Clone and punches him.]
[Craig:] How could someone so quiet be so annoying?
[Quiet Clone:] How'd you get over here so fast?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Ahhh. feels good to be back home in the painfully freezing weather of Chicago. [Eagle squawks.] I missed you, eagle. Hugs. [Jumps up in the air as the eagle flies overhead, still wearing Craig's cowboy hat.] Oh that's right, I hate you. [Punches eagle, who spins off.]
So in the news today... wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait [picture of a waiting room] wait wait [pictures of people in line, picture of a waiter] wait wait [picture of "Wait" in Craig's logo, picture of a weight] wait wait [picture of another weight] wait Waits [picture of weight, picture of Tom Waits] wait [picture of weight] wait wait.. . Disney asked me to attend the premiere of Tron last week. [Makes funny face] Let me tell you about it. Cue generic public domain music.
[Footage starts playing]
It took place at the historic El Capitan Theatre, which may or may not be historic. Alongside the blue carpet was my name in print [shows his sign] though it was upside down. When I first got there, I was overwhelmed by all the hustle and bustle. But I saw a bunch of hot girls dressed in tight shiny clothing. Then everything was a-o... more overhwelming. I decided to distract myself by looking at the decorations. But then I thought I needed to get my eyes checked. But then I enjoyed it. Then I put the camera down.
I decided to practice my reactions if I should I interview any of the stars. [Craig nods.] Interesting answer. Hmm. Oh really? Bad answer! Good answer. I didn't interview anybody. I saw Michael Jackson doing a bad moon walk. [White guy walking backwards.] But then it turned out to be Super Dave Osbourne. But then it turned out to be not him.
More shiny girls.
I got to eavesdrop on an interesting interview with Will Ferrell.
[Will walks down the carpet. A woman's voice yells:] Will, what's your favorite video game? [He keeps walking. Craig laughs.]
I assumed these people were famous. And I liked this guy. He was mysterious.
Michael Sheen coughed at me. [Michael Sheen, a few people away, turns and coughs in Craig's direction.] So I coughed back. Thought we had a thing going. Ah, must have been allergies.
Hey look! Laura Dern and Courtney Cox! [Arrows point to two women that aren't Laura Dern or Courtney Cox] This guy was the director of Troy. I mean Tron.
Then I interviewed Jeff Bridges. [Jeff walking down the carpet.] It went very well. Just like when I talk to women. [He walks on by.]
Wait! That's one of my clones! [A clone walks down the carpet.] What the... uh... what?
[back in Craig's apartment]
Ugh! Gotta make sure I kill them all before they become bigger stars than me.
So, that was my entertainment news venture. Eat your heart out, Entertainment Tonight. I don't... is that still on? I don't watch very much TV. But I might start now! Google sent me this. [Pulls a big tv into frame] It's a Google TV. Now I can finally watch quality TV and it's connected to the internet so I can watch myself! [The TV falls into the whale tank.] Whale tank cover broke. [Whale sounds] Are Google TVs waterproof?
Hey whale, could you hand me that TV? Are you watching Gossip Girl? I didn't know you were part of their demographic.
Guess I'll have to enter the contest to get another one. Yeah, there's a contest. Link in the doobly-doo for all the info. I'm telling you about it really late, though. You have until tomorrow. [text on screen: December 22nd] I apologize. I've been away.
Another thing I did in L.A. was a bunch of Project for Awesome videos on the Project for Awesome YouTube channel. In one video, P4A was shaved in my chest. [Lifts his shirt and shows P4A shaved in his chest hair] It itches horribly. That video has more views than any of my videos. [Rubbing his chest] I guess you guys are the moneymaker.
Let's see what was in the news while I was away.
[shows article] Scarlett Johansson, Ryan Reynolds grew apart.
Oh those celebrities. They get together, they break u... aaaaahhhh. Wha.... [Craig looks stunned and speechless.] Try... to speak words.... that express my feelings. [Opens his mouth wider but no sound comes out except a little peep.]
[Viewer:] As you can see, it's been ahh... pretty snowy these days in France. [Sings outro theme as shows he wrote "Wheezy" in the snow.] Wheezy Waiter [Winks (ding)]
[Craig is still sitting stunned, his mouth open. After a few moments, he speaks slowly, but without looking at camera and still clearly stunned.] Here's a bunch of links. [Annotations appear onscreen.] to the Google contest and Project for Awesome and a video I did with Julian Smith. It's really funny. Check it out. I had a good time in L.A.... meeting lots of people... from YouTube and people who make YouTube videos. It was a good time. Good weather. Don't regret it. I'd like to return again some time. And... have... other... good... [starts yelling at himself] I squandered my time in LA!! I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I can't believe they broke up! Oh my god! [Looks at camera]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]

Recurring elements

singing rug, Quiet clone, beardlovers, "danzig!", eagle, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait..., clone, whale tank, doobly-doo, Project for Awesome, headlines, Scarlett Johansson, wink, collab video

Related videos

Video where P4A is shaved into Craig's chest hair: http://youtu.be/0Y-Q_i3uwOg
VIdeo with Julian Smith: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCVrhKGxKkU
Handstand 62

External links

Tron Premiere on YouTube