|Original Upload date||April 29, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||GraceEMHoughton|
[Craig talking to himself] How can I draw in my audience with an intriguing intro?
[slides in/singing rug] Au revoir, beardlovers. That means farewell.
[slides in/singing rug] Farewell, beardlovers. For the remainder of our time together, which is not over yet, I hope you fare well.
[slides in/singing rug] Justin Bieber's in this video. And so are boobs. And money. And power.
[slides in/singing rug] Hey beardlovers. Keep watching please. That's a good one.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Great news. I finally got the pornograph... the internet back. And that's good because what I wanted to was, uh... oh, just wait. I want to update my Twitter. [leans towards his computer] Ha. Someone's cute cat did something cute. Hehe. That's all they said. That's all I need to know. I can imagine cute things. [Craig sits, not talking, with a thought bubble over his head. In the thought bubble, Craig appears, making kissy faces and raising his eyebrows.] [Craig's thought mic:] Adorable. With a face like that, you can go places. Oh! Thought microphone's on. Think about kitties! [Pictures of cute kittens appear in the thought bubble] Think about kitties! [A picture of David Hasselhoff appears] Oh! How did David Hasselhoff get in there? [A picture of Catwoman appears in the thought bubble] Catwoman. How does she stay in there? [purrs]
I'm a little stuffed up today but it sounds like my thoughts are too. [Thought mic sneezes:] Ahh, it's gross in here. Better think up some paper towel and some cleaning fluid. Better make it antibacterial.
Since I have the internet now, let's respond to some comments.
JenLynnLab writes [shows comment] Traveling is spelled wrong.
What?! Let's check yesterday's video. [Excerpt from yesterday's video where he's holding up list of 'Things to stop doing' with the word "travelling" highlighted.]
[Thought mic over the excerpt :] Ooh, look at that mysterious man with gorgeous fingernails and top of head. Oh yeah, the spelling.
Huh. Spelled it with two Ls. I guess it's time for...
[Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stooo... [Craig interrupts]
Nope, not true! I have the stalking machine, I mean internet now, and I looked it up. Traveling with one L is for American English. Traveling with two Ls is for England English. Or English.
[Craig plays guitar and sings]
If you think travelling is swell
And you're from England as well
But you don't know how to spell
You can go straight down to hell
Cause hell's got double Ls
And you can use that as a reminder to tell you how to spell
[A clone pops up beside Craig and another one leans into frame and sing along:] Spell
[All three sing together:] Travelling in England.
[Craig turns and talks to the clones, who are in the kitchen. Only one is onscreen, the other is offscreen.] Thanks for the harmonies, guys. Unfortunately, I don't have enough food to feed both of you. Clone 1, could you push Clone 2 into the alligator pit?
[Onscreen clone:] Right, sir. [pushes offscreen clone]
[Offscreen clone:] No, wait, nooooooooo! [falls into alligator pit]
[Craig:] Wait. [Alligator munching can be heard] You're Clone 2.
[Onscreen clone:] I thought I was clone 1.
[Craig:] You know what to do.
[Onscreen clone:] Cannonball! [jumps into alligator pit] Aaaaa! [more alligator munching sounds]
He was actually Clone 1.
[Clone:] Awww, this is a really painful way to die. [alligator munching]
[Five viewers sit holding mugs with a pot of tea in front of them:] Mmmm.
[One viewer says:] We love it when the tea is done.
[They all sip from their mugs.]
[The five girls all spit the tea in their mouths back into their mugs.]
[Craig:] Alright, I'm with you with the double L thing, but I love it when the COFFEE's done! [Holds up mug. Takes a sip.]
[Viewers:] Sorry, Craig.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
In case you haven't had enough of me yet, you can watch my video I made on my alternate channel over the weekend. [points to a clickable annotation] It's about Asian silver carp, fish that jump up and hit you. If you wanna see my friend Nathan Wells get hit in the crotch multiple times, go ahead and click on that video. Or you can click on this [points to another clickable annotation] to watch yesterday's video. Or you can click on this [points to a third clickable annotation] and watch ... uh... tomorrow's video, but... umm... it's probably not up if it's April 29th right now. If it is up and it's April 29th, that means I used my time machine. And that's awesome. But I don't think I'm going to do that, because I'm lazy. So... better take your pick. Or, you know, just go about your day. Whatever. You can do what you want. I'm gonna go now.
The viewer-submitted video about tea, which includes a wink in their video, doesn't include a wink in the finished WheezyWaiter video. Craig cut it too soon.
Travelllllllllling on YouTube