Tour de Beard 11: Seattle
|"Tour de Beard 11: Seattle"|
|Original Upload date||October 13, 2009|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||Unknown|
[Title on screen: Portland, OR]
[Sam:] Portland to Seattle? Easy peasy. [Throws sleeping mat weakly. It doesn't go far in the air. It lands on sidewalk. He looks confused.]
[Matt walks up:] Hey.
[Matt:] Don't... don't get too upset about it, pistol grip. You just need to train. You're outta shape. You look terrible.
[Sam:] You look terrible.
[Matt:] I know but I don't have to throw things.
[Matt:] Let's train.
[Sam holds sleeping mat on his shoulders. Swings back and forth, does bends from waist, all kinds of movements.]
[Matt:] Yeah, stretch. Work it out. Gotta get the tension out of your muscles. Gotta be loose. Gotta be soft. You also gotta be hard.
[Sam does one-handed push-ups]
[Matt:] Do it! Do it! Do it better! Harder! Come on, you mother*ding*er! Come on, swizzle stick! Gimme some effort! I wanna see you! I want you to give me your all. Fill me up! You look really good now. You look really really good.
[Sam is attempting to open a car trunk with his hand.]
[Matt:] You can do it. I believe in you. I know you. Strength inside of you... welling up. [Sam opens trunk] There you go! Yeah!
[Matt:] Thanks man. [reaches in and grabs a ring of keys] I swear, I'd forget my own head sometimes. Let's get back to training.
[Matt holds Justin's arms behind his back as Sam punches Justin.]
[Matt:] Yeah! Keep doing it! Yeah!
[Justin grunts in pain.]
[Matt:] Yeah! Don't stop!
[Justin coughs gutturally.]
[Sam starts punching Justin in the crotch.]
[Matt:] Don't let the [unintelligible] stop you.
[Sam and Matt back on the sidewalk, by the Aveo.]
[Matt:] Alright, I've got one last thing for you. You gotta drink this. [hands Sam a bottle of water]
[Matt:] Just take a big gulp.
[Sam takes a gulp and instantly spits it out in disgust.]
[Sam:] What is this?!! This tastes like noodle boiler!
[Matt:] It's water.
[Sam:] This is... It tastes like the stuff that comes out of the sink.
[Matt:] It does come out of the sink. You're supposed to drink it. Like almost every day.
[Sam:] What?! No!
[Matt:] You're really dehydrated, man.
[Sam:] This isn't for people.
[Sam holds the sleeping mat.]
[Matt:] Are you ready? [Sam shakes his head] You can do this. [Sam nods.] This is what all the training's been leading up to. [Sam shakes his head.] I know you can do it. [Sam nods.] Don't fail on me. [Sam takes a few steps and throws the sleeping mat. Matt raises his arms in euphoria.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
We played in Portland last night, home of Voodoo, the makers of the maple bacon doughnut. Thanks Martha. I'm gonna eat this after we show the beards.
[DPC song plays while Sam, Matt, Justin, and Craig do their profiles and look straight at the camera to document their beard growth. Craig points to his nose. Camera zooms in to document Craig flaring his nostrils.]
Okay, i'm gonna eat it. [takes a bite] Mmm.
[Justin:] Did you get bacon in your first bite?
[Craig:] I did.
[Justin:] How was it?
[Craig:] it's good.
[Craig:] It's weird.
[Justin, laughing:] I know.
[Craig:] Salty and sweet.
[Justin:] It slowly becomes the best thing you've ever eaten.
[Craig:] We'll see. [takes another bite] Two separate flavors. They remain separate in my mouth. But equally delicious. [Justin laughs] The doughnut is good. The pig seems well-made as well. [Craig takes another bite]
[Justin:] I think there might be a hair on there.
[Craig:] Oh. That hair is well-made as well. [looks at doughnut] Why is this GOOD? I kinda even wasn't hungry when I started eating this. [takes another bite]
[Justin:] Good. You're doing good.
[Craig:] Thank you.
[Justin:] Fill yourself up.
[Craig:] And done. [Puts rest of doughnut back in the bag.] Ate the whole thing. Boy, I'm full.
I'm just gonna put the rest of these doughnuts aside. Eat 'em later. Does cooked bacon go bad? Tell me in the comments. Cause we've had these for a while already. [rubs stomach]
[Viewer-submitted wink (high-pitched ding)]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[Title on screen: Seattle, WA.] [Sam is waiting on sidewalk, ready to catch. Sleeping mat flies in, hitting him on head. Matt runs up.]
[Matt:] Looks like you need some catch training! I'm gonna go get the eggs! [runs off down the sidewalk] And the grenade!
[Justin walks by, holding his crotch:] It still hurts, you know?
[Matt runs up sidewalk and by camera:] Wrong way.
Tour de Beard 11: Seattle on YouTube