[Craig on the left:] You picked me? Yeaaaah!! I'm the original Craig. I fooled you. Ha! That's the clone. [points to the Craig on the right] Get to the alligator pit.
If you woulda picked him, I would have let him live.
[The clone jumps into the alligator pit:] I'm hideous!! Aaaaa! [We hear the alligator munching.]
Spread beauty into the world. Then I would have had another mouth to feed. I wouldn't have let him live.
I'm beautiful. Thank you! Woo! Pound it! [Jumps it up and pounds huge fist that's up on the wall.]
Had that installed. It's really convenient when you have no friends.
Without a doubt, most beautiful in the apartment, right here! Woo!
[Another clone enters:] So what are my chores for today, sir?
So moving on...
[A clickable annotation appears: Click here to pick the other Craig]
[In the background, the latest clone prepares to jump into the alligator pit:] Alright. This seems like an odd chore. [Jumps into the alligator pit. We hear alligator munching.]
[A clickable annotation appears onscreen: Click here to pick the other Craig.]
Now I'm hungry. Clone, make me a sandwich! Oh, that's right. I killed off today's clone batch. Goes to make sandwich. [Mimes as if he's eating a sandwich but he's not holding a sandwich. Just air.] You mean I actually have to do it?!! Gah! [gets up and goes to kitchen] Reality sucks!
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Returns from the kitchen with a sandwich] I gotta give you an update about Prank House. You know, that thing I'm doing during the third week in October when I'm going to a house with a bunch of other YouTube people? It's like a reality video game where you buy tokens and then you can shoot paintballs at us or shock us or release wild animals or something. It's gonna be fun for you! And scary for me. Well, for the next two weeks, they reduced the pricing for tokens. Info in the doobly-doo.
And here's a link to my latest handstand video on my second channel. Now time to eat this delicious sandwich. [Takes a big bite] Mmm. I'm full.
[whale sounds] Here you go, whale. You can have the rest. [goes to throw it into whale tank] Oop! Threw it too high! [The eagle flying overhead swoops and grabs the sandwich in its beak and flies off with it.] Stupid eagle! [whale sounds] Alright! I'll make you another one! [goes back to the kitchen]