To Garch or Not to Garch

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"To Garch or Not to Garch"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 314
2010
Original Upload date May 19, 2010
Running time 0:02:27
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by tofugofa
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"How It All Ends"
Next →
"Blame-o"

Video

Transcript

[Craig is sitting in his chair. Head back. Not moving. For five seconds.]
Haha. You totally thought I was dead, didn't you? Nope. I'm gonna live for a long long EXPLOSION!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Once again, it's Wednesday [explosion in Craig's palm] [turns to alternate camera angle and holds up a calendar] Wednesday [Explosion on Wednesday] [zooms in camera so there's an extreme closeup of his mouth] EXPLOSION [explosion comes out of his mouth] [turns back to main camera angle, licking his lips with a disgusted expression on his face] Whew! [waves his hand in front of his mouth. Gets up goes to bathroom. Takes a swig of mouthwash and swishes it around in his mouth. Spits it out. Gargles. Spits. Breathes into his hand and smells.] That'll help me get the ladies. Now if only they had a personality and sex appeal wash. [sits down. Points to his very tufty hair.] Mm? Wednesday! [Explosion. His hair is smoother.] That's better.
In explosive news this past week, [shows article] the shuttle Atlantis BLASTED off for the last time. The last time? [starts crying and fireworks come from his eyes. He stops.] Oh that's right. I cry fire on Wednesdays. Careful.
[shows another article] Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Astrophysics created a 3-D model of an EXPLODING star. In Garching, Germany. Apparently they weren't able to do that before.
Two things that are cool about that article. One, exploding stars. Duh. Two, Garching, Germany? Never heard of that town. And it should be a verb. Commenters, what does it mean to garch?
And if I'm pronouncing it wrong, don't even tell me. The verb is garch.
One thing that troubles me. [shows exploding star images] if this is all the frames of the 3-D model, [edits them in order as an animation on the screen] not a very good animation, guys. Back to the drawing board. Literally. [suppresses laughter]
Oh yeah, I gotta add exploding stars and garch to my list of things that are cool. Not with this exploding pen. This exploding pen is super explodey. [throws it and prepares for impact. It lands without exploding.] Huh. Alright. [picks up another pen. Starts writing. Holds up list to camera.]
Let's see. In other exploding news...
[A clone comes out of the kitchen.] Haha! I got your pen, mother*ding*er. I'm gonna go write things.
[Craig says in monotone] Oh. No, wait. Don't, clone. That's really dangerous. I don't care.
[Shot of the street below from the window.]
[Clone:] I'm writing things! I'm writing things! I'm writing things outside! I'm writing things! I'm writing things! [The clone runs into the street] I'm writing things outside! [The clone explodes]
[Craig, looking out window:] Huh. How did he get his shoes on so fast? Oh *shirt*! What am I gonna feed the alligator? Gotta make another clone.
[Viewer, with a wig on, eats waffles:] It sucks that these waffles aren't circular. [Theme song:] It's Chrisity Chris, Chris with a Wig. [toy piano key] [Chris with a Wig smiles and winks (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Astrophysis ... Researchers at the Max Planck Institute of Astr... Of or for? [checks computer] Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Exploding Stars... No. Researchers at the Max Planck Institute for Astrophysis... Why is this so hard to say?

Recurring elements

Explosion Wednesday, alternate camera angle, headlines, exploding pens, lists, clone, *ding*, *shirt*, alligator pit, wink, outtakes

Lists

Things that are cool
- Explosions
- Things that are exploding
- Things that exploded
- World Peace
- Lists
- Paratroopers
- Things that come in pairs
- Things that come in pairs
- Guitar monies
- Garch
- Exploding stars

External links

To Garch or Not to Garch on YouTube