|Original Upload date||December 14, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||TheNewsboysRule|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today... [looks over his shoulder at the couch. One cushion is sticking out more than the others.] Ooh. Couch cushion's crooked. EXPLOSION! [It's pushed in now, but the couch cushion is on fire.] There we go. Explosions solve every problem. [looks over his shoulder again] Ooh. Now it's on fire. EXPLOSION! [Flame changes form a little bit but the cushion is still on fire.] There. At least now it's a different fire. Ooh, I have an itch on my back. EXPLOSION! [Craig's back is on fire. He yelps in pain.] Ah ah aaah aaah! [jumps into the whale tank] [whale sounds] [An arrow points towards the whale tank with text beside it: whale tank (in case you've never seen a wheezy video)]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Ahhh. [sits back down] Now I'm all wet. EXPLOSION! [The right side of his head is on fire. He yelps and jumps into the whale tank] [whale sounds] [An arrow points towards the whale tank with text beside it: whale tank (in case you have the worst memory ever)]
[Clock wipe to Craig drying himself off with a towel as a clone sweeps in the background.]
Ahh, there we go. Dry as the sky.
[Clone:] The sky isn't dry. It's actually filled with moisture.
[Craig:] Yeah but it rhymes. Okay, fine. Dry as ... a pie.
[Clone:] Pie? Pie crust maybe, but not the rest of the pie.
[Craig, angry:] Well, maybe the pies I make are all crust!
[Clone:] That's not very appetizing. Gross.
[Craig:] Well, you know what is appetizing? You to the alligator.
[Clone:] What? Oh. I see what you're saying. Clever segue. I gotta go... [unintelligble because Craig starts talking]
[Craig talks to camera:] So today is Explosion Wednesday...
[In the background, the clone, still holding the broom, jumps into the alligator pit, yelling as he falls:] Aaaaaaaaa. [Alligator munches]
[Craig:] Which I'm not a hundred percent sure I wanna make a thing, but in explosion news... [shows article] Can motors in wheels SPARK electric car revolution?
I suppose motors in every wheel makes cars energy efficient and crap, but more importantly, does that mean you could spin one side one way, one side the other, and twist around? That'd be so awe.... [spins in his chair a full rotation:] Who am I? Where am I? [spins another full rotation:] ... some.
Do you realize what this means? First they have the Smart Car, and now the Twirly Car. We're getting closer and closer to the transportation dream. The Tilt-a-Whirl. But why's it taking so long? We've had the technology for years. And trained experts to operate them. It's time for Congress to act!!
In other news, [shows article] Amazon planning Kindle FIRE updates to fix complaints.
Apparently Amazon is discovering that it's a consumer relations jungle out there. [Emphasizes 'jungle'] Ahahahahaha. I have no friends.
Anyway, rife with complaints of touch sensitivity and accidental turn-offs, ex-girlfriends... [shakes his head and corrects himself] customers are disappointed. And they've taken to seeing other people... [corrects himself again] leaving comments in the forums.
That's the beauty of the internet age. If something's unsatisfying, we can immediately go blab every little detail to all of our mutual friends in a status update [getting angry] despite promising that we wouldn't tell anyone... [corrects himself] I mean, let our complaints be heard.
And the internet customer is always right.
To prove it, here's some comments on my wheezywaiter YouTube show channel comment feed thread.
[shows a comment by cimedance:] Grt8 channel!
Oh thank you. I strive to make my channel the grt-8est.
[shows a comment by stevethecow:] shoe
Mmm. So true. So true.
[shows a comment by BagboyTim:] Wheezywaiter, why you dead?
I'm dead? [In the background, a clone is cleaning in the kitchen.] Oh my god, I've been dead all along. That makes so much sense! That's why no one responds to me or calls me or anything. Example. Hey, clone!
[Clone:] Hey Wheezy.
Okay, I'm not dead. I guess I just don't have any friends. So what are you talking about then?
[shows comment by cristiananana:] Where are you, Wheezy? We miss you.
Oh you're referring to how I didn't put up a video yesterday. Well, that's an interesting story. I tried to make a video but it didn't work out. [Ripple effect] Flashback. Nope! [Ripple stops] We' re actually gonna watch yesterday.
[Craig stands by his television on which footage of himself is playing.] Here it is. It took me years to make but I finally did it. A window through time. We are actually seeing yesterday right now. I was making an exercise video so there's me doing jumping jacks. Ah, so young.
[Past Craig on the TV:] Now it's time for pushups.
Then I moved on to pushups.
[Past Craig on the TV gets in pushup position but when he lowers himself to the ground, he falls asleep and snores loudly.]
Yeah. That's why I didn't finish the video. Failure. Wait! I have a time machine. I can just secretly wake myself up and change the past and then upload the video. Okay! I'll wake myself up with these exploding pens. [Opens door to time machine room. As he steps into the time machine room, he says:] I just gotta open the door on the other side.
[On the TV/time window, we see the door of the time machine room open. Craig sticks his head out of the door for a moment (in the past) while Past Craig continues to sleep on the floor. In the present, Craig comes back out of the time machine room and throws a pen into the time machine room that explodes in the past. Past Craig snores. Craig throws another pen. It explodes in the past. And another.] You're kidding me. Not waking up? I guess I'll just go make the video. [Craig walks into the time machine room and we see him on the TV/time window emerge into the apartment in the past. Past Craig sleeps.]
[Craig:] I guess I'll start with jumping jacks again. And 1... [starts doing jumping jacks] And 2... And 3... And... [falls onto the couch and sleeps, snoring as he falls. He snores loudly on the couch.]
[Wheezy Waiter shadow outro]
[Winker:] EXPLOSION! [Winks (ding)]
[In the TV/time window, we see Craig asleep on the couch, snoring loudly. Past Craig wakes up on the floor.]
[Past Craig:] Gah, clones snore loudly. [gets up] Sleeping on the job too. [Craig snores.] I was gonna wear that shirt tomorrow. [As Past Craig heads into the kitchen, he notices that the door to the time machine room is open.] Why is this door open? Did someone leave the time machine on? [He enters the time machine room as Craig continues snoring on the couch. He walks out of the time machine room into the present.]
[Past Craig in the present:] There we go. Shouldn't leave time machines on. They can cause paradoxes. Okay, where was I? [gets down like he's going to do pushups] Pushups. [Does pushups. In the time window, we see and hear Craig still snoring on the couch in the past.] 1... 2... Whew. All done with exercise. I think this video's gonna go viral. Exercise videos are super popular. What time we got here? [Past Craig pulls his phone out of his pocket and looks at it.] It's Wednesday? [looks around. Looks at the time window.] What's going on?
Craig forgetting who he is when he's done a full rotation spin in his chair is a reference to the video Spin Zone.
Time Window on YouTube