|Original Upload date||January 17, 2012|
|Wink submitted by||—|
[Video starts off with black screen. Jazz music plays. Fades in on footsteps on a snowy sidewalk. The video is black and white. Noir clones walks by. He speaks in voiceover:]
The story so far. This is Craig. He makes clones do chores for him and then he sends them to the alligator pit. He has a friend, Craig with a Wig. I'm not sure why Craig with a Wig is his friend. From what I've learned, all he ever does is sit in the kitchen and hate life. Well, he did before he mysteriously vanished. I'm a clone of Craig, looking for a way out, so I volunteered to look for Craig with a Wig. I talked with other escaped clones: Revenge Clone, Quiet Clone, and Sexy Clone. They have never even seen Craig with a Wig. Ever. I decided the best way to get answers was to travel back in time to a point at which Craig with a Wig existed. [Screen goes black]
So here we are. Or there we were. In the dark time machine room. I traveled back to some time last December. I saw Craig with a Wig in a video that was uploaded then. So he must have been here somewhere. It was time to step out.
[The door slowly opens, revealing an empty kitchen. Noir Clone looks over at Craig, who's on his computer. Noir Clone emerges from the time machine room. Looking around, he walks to front door and exits. Down in Revenge Clone's lair, he sees Revenge Clone Quiet Clone, Sexy Clone, and two other clones hanging out.]
[Revenge Clone, eating:] Nabisco! I love it! [Makes nomming sounds. He's eating Triscuits.]
[Sexy Clone takes a tiny bite of a cracker.] I'm full.
[Quiet Clone eats fig newtons. Silently.]
[Revenge Clone:] Oh, you would be eating fig newtons. [Takes another bite of his Triscuit.] Now watch this. [He hands a Triscuit to Quiet Clone, who bites into it. It doesn't make a sound.]
[Revenge Clone:] Amazing!
[Sexy Clone:] How does he do that?
[Revenge Clone:] Everything he does is quiet.
[Clone:] Hey guys, I got a variety pack. I got Gushers and fruit rollups...
[Revenge Clone:] You imbecile! That's made by that tramp Betty Crocker.
[Sexy Clone:] Slut.
[Quiet Clone swears. Silently.]
[Clone:] They're still good. I mean, we...
[Revenge Clone shoots the clone, who moans as he doubles over.]
[Revenge Clone:] Who brings Betty Crocker to a Nabisco party?
[Noir Clone leaves. His voiceover resumes.]
Talking to them wasn't gonna get me anywhere. [He reenters the apartment.] Strange. It seemed even in the past, Craig with a Wig didn't exist. I guess it was time to head back to...
[Craig speaks suddenly.]
[Craig:] I don't think this clock is right. Hey, Craig with a Wig, you know the time?
[Noir Clone freezes. Looks at Craig with a Wig's chair, which is empty. Craig gets up. Noir Clone hides in the time machine room, peering out the door. Craig walks up to Craig with a Wig's chair, grabs the wig, puts it on, and sits down.]
[Craig with a Wig:] Events happen. Then are located further and further into the past. Time is used to sequence and allocate these events. Science fiction writer Ray Cummings wrote in 1922 "Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. And that's great. 'Cause I hate everything. [He looks down. Noir Clone waits a few moments. Craig with a Wig is still looking down at the table. Noir Clone emerges from the time machine room and moves towards the kitchen table.]
[Noir Clone:] Craig with a Wig?
[Craig with a Wig:] What?
[Noir Clone:] So... So you ARE Craig with a Wig? [Craig with a Wig:] Technically, we're all nothing but yes, that's what people call me.
[Noir Clone:] Happen to have any travel plans? Going away for a while? Leaving for good?
[Craig with a Wig snorts:] Yeah! Traveling's great. I get to see all the other places I hate. Agh. That was sarcasm. I hate sarcasm.
[Noir Clone:] So you're not going anywhere?
[Craig with a Wig:] No.
[Noir Clone:] Okay. [starts to walk away]
[Craig with a Wig:] No one is.
[Noir Clone:] Okay, but yeah... But non-metaphorically speaking, you are staying here.
[Craig with a Wig:] I will never ever leave the kitchen.
[Noir Clone:] Okay. [He smiles slightly and turns to go.]
[Suddenly, Craig with a Wig sits up, takes off the wig, and Craig, totally ignoring Noir Clone, walks back to the computer, sits down.]
[Craig:] Actually, I was just asking for the time. But whatever.
[Noir Clone heads back towards the time machine room.]
[Craig turns and looks at Noir Clone:] What are you doing? Didn't you already clean the time machine?
[Noir Clone:] I... I... I forgot my broom.
[Craig:] Carry on. [turns back to his computer]
[Noir Clone goes into time machine room, peers out at Craig. Voiceover continues:] So Craig was Craig with a Wig all along. And he seemed to be unaware of it. So why did Craig with a Wig go away? What was different in this time from present day? I traveled back to present day to find out.
[Clock wipe to present day. Jazz music plays as Noir Clone emerges from time machine room. Craig stretches in front of his computer, sits down in his chair. In voiceover, Noir Clone speaks.]
What do we notice? What's different here? [Craig is asleep in his chair.] The clock! Craig has a new clock. In the past, he asked... [clock wipe to clip from past]
[Craig:] Hey, Craig with a Wig, you know the time?
[clock wipe back to present]
[Noir Clone's voiceover continues:] He doesn't need to ask anymore. Or maybe there's more than that. Craig has clones do everything for him. He just dances and plays around on his computer. His life is a childish playground. [Clips from old videos play.] Craig with a Wig was his escape. Not from, but to monotony. Now he doesn't even need it. Now he has structure. The tick tock of the persistent clock. To bring back Craig with a Wig, I must get rid of the clock. [Noir Clone puts gloves on and starts moving stealthily towards the clock. He is about to grab it when Craig wakes suddenly.]
[Craig:] What are you doing?
[Noir Clone:] Oh, there's a spot here. Just cleaning it. [rubs side of bookshelf with his sleeve]
[Craig:] Okay. [turns back to his computer]
[Noir Clone grabs the clock and leaves the apartment through the front door. He walks down snowy alley and puts the clock in the trash bin.]
Now all we have to do is wait.
[Title: To be continued...]
This is a continuation of the previous day's video, The Wigged Man. The continuation of this video is The Wig Sleep.
The clips from previous videos used in this video come from The Wigged Man, Granolja Boy, Spin Zone, and Fun.
Tick Tock on YouTube