There's Something out There
|"There's Something out There"|
|Original Upload date||September 28, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||snowhomie|
|Camera work by||
[slides in/singing rug] [He has an intense expression on his face.]
Ladies and gentlemen, it's Explosion Wednesday. [As he says 'Explosion Wednesday,' the apartment around him explodes leaving starry sky behind him except in the right hand corner, where we can still see his apartment.] Maybe. If I decide to make it a thing. I'm still trying it out. [The right hand corner of the frame explodes leaving starry sky where his apartment used to be.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Head back, Craig is sleeping in his chair. Snores loudly. Wakes suddenly] Oh! I dreamed that I was floating around in the universe. And based on what we talked about last week, there's satellite parts floating up there. The universe is spacious. And by spacious I mean filled with space parts. Look out!! [As he says this, the words appear onscreen beside him: The Universe is spacious, and by spacious I mean filled with space parts-LOOK OUT! -Craig Benzine]
In the news today, [shows article] Amazon's Kindle FIRE tablet to sell at $199, challenging iPad.
It's a big competitor because it's cheaper [Text appears onscreen: 1) Cheaper], they can sell it on their online store [Text: 2) Sell on Amazon.com] , it's pretty much guaranteed that they're gonna lead the market in the Amazon rain forest [Text: 3) Name Solidarity].
That was a clever marketing technique. The Amazon has a way bigger surface area than California's Apple Valley.
But the key feature that sets the new FIRE tablet apart is the new flash button on the side. Pressing the button allows the tablet to spontaneously combust. [Picture of the tablet explodes.] Awesome!
Yeah, so you lose the tablet. No big deal. I could buy two more to match the price of an iPad.
Be sure to wear fireproof clothing. Try to avoid combusting one on your head like this guy must have done. [Closeup of the bald CEO of Amazon]
In other news, [shows article] Roseville gas leak spouts FLAMES on road.
[Speech impediment guy:] Why's the woad wheh weweasing fi-oh Wheezy Waitoe?
[Craig:] I don't know, speech impediment guy. Why don't you ask the governor?
[Speech impediment guy:] You suh-mise Awnoed Schwawzeneggoe would wegale the weason?
[Craig:] Maybe. He might be like, [talks in Schwarzenegger accent] Everybody down! There's fire in the road!
[Speech impediment guy:] I'm not sotain he'd say that.
[Craig talking in a Schwarzenegger accent:] Look out for the sparks!
[Speech impediment guy:] You'ah being widicuwous Wheezy Waitoe.
[Craig talking in a Schwarzenegger accent:] Do not inhale the fumes!
[Speech impediment guy:] Is that weally a pwobwem?
[Craig speaking in a Schwarzenegger accent:] No, it's not a fumer. It's not a fumer.
In other news [shows article] Satellite debris entered atmosphere ever southern Pacific Ocean.
Ah phew phew phew phew, the skies are safe forever. [Behind him, a flaming ball of something enters the apartment, landing on the floor.] Jamba Juice! [Craig gets up and looks down at what just landed in his apartment] That looks like a satellite part if I've ever seen one. That was supposed to go in the Pacific Ocean! [Closeup of the part, which has a lightbulb extending from it and appears to be duct-taped with red and blue tape.] [Craig starts singing:] Satellite in my eye... Like a diamond.
[A clone enters and starts sweeping it away:] Ugh, what a mess.
[Craig:] You're just gonna throw it away?
[Clone:] Yeah. It's junk. And it's really messing up my feng shui.
[Craig:] But it could be worth something. Cha-ching? Cha-ching?
[Indiana Jones clone jumps into frame, wearing his hat and wielding his whip:] It belongs in a museum! [He tries to crack the whip.]
[Doctor clone enters suddenly:] [???]
[Clone:] Where did all the clones come from?
[Doctor clone:] It could be infected wtih space diseases.
[Craig sneezes:] Oh my god! I'm infected with a space disease.
[Indiana Jones clone sneezes. Then the clone with the broom. He sprays Windex on his hand where he sneezed.]
[Craig:] Or it could be the changing of the seasons. What do we do? We can't just change the seasons!
[The doctor hangs up a sign that says Quarantine Zone!]
[Doctor clone:] Phew. Quarantined. Once the disease kills us all, we'll have no one left to infect. The world is saved. For now.
[Craig:] Since this looks like the end, I wanted to tell you guys, I know I haven't been the best clone master at times. Other times I have been the best. But... I... [A bright light appears over the satellite part.] Long John Silvers! What's that?
[Clone with the broom:] Is that beaming up? Oh, take me! Take me!
[Indiana Jones clone:] Shut your eyes, Marion! [Gestures to cover Marion's eyes, who he thinks is standing next to him.]
[Craig:] Wait a second.
[Indiana Jones clone realizes Marion's not there.]
[Craig:] All is not as it seems.
[Craig steps into the bright light and looks upwards. The eagle is in the sky overhead, holding a flashlight that is beaming the light downwards.]
[Craig:] Ah ha! That's what I thought. Eagle, what are you doing with a satellite part? [The eagle squawks.] Let me get this right. You're telling me you constructed an improvised explosive device and dropped it into my apartment in order to kill me? On Explosion Wednesday of all days. [turns to camera] Not that it's a thing. [Text onscreen: NOT THAT IT'S A THING] [looks back up at the eagle] Well, looks like it's a dud. I guess it's hard to make a bomb when you don't have any hands, huh? Hahaha! You know what else is hard when you don't have hands? [Jumps up into the sky and punches the eagle, who spins away. Lands back in his apartment.] Well, that's done. Everyone to the alligator pit! Hey, cleanly love, could you grab this? It's ruining my feng shui. [Cleanly clone picks up the device.]
[Indiana Jones clone:] I'm not going without a fight! [Whips whip again. Craig shoots him. He falls backwards and into the alligator pit as we hear the Wilhelm scream. We hear the alligator munching. Cleanly clone, still holding the device, stands in the kitchen, facing the alligator pit as Craig sits down.]
Stupid eagle. I gotta do something about him. [Cleanly clone jumps into the alligator pit] Good thing that was a dud [we can hear the clone yelling as he falls downwards] or I woulda been dead... [Sound of an explosion] Guess that wasn't a dud.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Alligator, you okay? [Alligator sounds.] Oh good.
So beardlovers there's a movie coming out called Machine Gun Preacher based on a true story about an ex-con who saves children in war-torn Sudan. Virgin Mobile is donating four water wells to orphans in Sudan to help them have clean, safe drinking water. If you follow the link in the doobly-doo, you can go to this page and pledge to see the movie. [Closeup of eagle on Facebook page] Agh, eagle! [Punches the Facebook page out of frame.] Despite the eagle, it's for a good cause. And if you pledge to see the movie, your name will be engraved on one of the wells. That's it. That's the easiest possible way to have your name engraved on something. Other ways include dying, being a fancy old stone building... That's it. Thank you, and keep looking out for falling debris.
There's Something out There on YouTube