The screen test

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"the screen test"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 40
Original Upload date August 21, 2007
Running time 0:06:01
Intro chips and salsa intro
Outro outro
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Great People
Guests: Inclement Weather (includes Ryan Wolff)
Studio audience (including Matt Weber, Zaid Maxwell, Amelia)
Sam Grant
Episode chronology
← Previous
"lost in trainsnathan"
Next →
"Wheezy Western"



[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
[Title on screen: OZARK COUSINS WEEK!!!]
Good morning wheezies. It's August 21st. I'm too lazy to put my face on this morning. I've been quite busy lately. I'm too lazy to even think of what I did. Hey window, a little help, please.
[Picture of Benzine t-shirt appears in the window.]
Oh yeah! A few days ago, I presented the Benzine t-shirt in front of a live studio audience.
[Wheezy from a few days ago, holding up the Benzine t-shirt with Inclement Weather standing behind him]
Ladies and gentlemen, standing right behind me is Inclement Weather, winners of the Benzine t-shirt for their chips and salsa song. [Wheezy drops the Benzine t-shirt to reveal eight people behind him, the studio audience, who all shout in unison:] Danzig!
Congratulations! Here's the Benzine t-shirt. [Hands t-shirt to Ryan while he and the studio audience applaud and woo-woo.] Anything to say for yourself?
[Ryan nods and takes a breath to begin to speak]
[Cut to Craig again (the studio audience behind him is now all wearing Benzine t-shirts)]
Thank you, Inclement Weather. Now let's hear it for me. [The audience applauds and woo-woos.] Woo! Yeah!
[back to Craig today:]
Yeah so that was pretty fun. Hey window, anything else?
["Ozark Cousins" appears in the window.]
Oh yeah... Ozark Cousins. Ozark Cousins is the reason my movies have been fewer and far between recently. Stupid Ozark Cousins! I've mentioned Ozark Cousins a few times before. Here's what it's all about. At the end of last year, I helped make a rock album with a few friends of mine. There's a link to Ozark Cousins in the sidebar where you can download the entire album free. We decided to make a silent movie set to the entire album. So we spent the last half a year making it. Stupid Ozark Cousins! And I spent the last few months editing it. And now we're done and we're premiering it this Saturday. I'll post information for those of you in the Chicago area who'd like to see it. And it will definitely be up on the internet sometime.
Yesterday I interviewed a cast member of the movie. Sam Grant, who played the role of Rowdy number two. There's a pivotable ... there's a piti... there's a pitiful ... there's a pivotal moment in his scene where he has to pull an object out of a glass. I don't want to give anything anyway so here's a clip with the object blurred out.
[Clip from Ozark Cousins The Movie] [Object is blurred out with an image of Veronica Mars]
Moving performance, eh? Alright, here's a little time to compose yourself. Okay.
Fun Ozark Cousins trivia. Sam actually tried out for the starring role, The Musician. Here's actual footage of his tryout.
[Sam Grant Screen Test 10/17/06.] [Wheezy is playing the director.] [speaks into a megaphone] Next!
[Sam enters, wearing a wig and cowboy hat.]
[Wheezy:] Say your name.
[Sam:] My name's Saaaam.
[Wheezy:] What part are you trying out for?
[Sam:] The Musikian.
[Wheezy:] The Musician? Turn to page 17.
[Sam shuffles pages, dropping one.]
[Wheezy:] Alright, act out the scene.
[Sam:] Musician pulls gun out on suddenly and shoots beer cans musician wakes up and ...
[Wheezy:] Sir. Sir. Those are actions. This is a silent movie.
[Sam:] Silent movie.
[Wheezy:] Please act out those actions.
[Sam, speaking a little louder and more quickly:] Musikian pulls gun on subtly and shoots at beer cans
[Wheezy:] Sir, you're still reading the actions. Really act it out.
[Sam:] Musikian wakes up in seat of car and begins driving away.
[Wheezy:] Alright, alright. Let's just move down to the part where he drinks the shot. Okay.
[Sam:] Musikian does shot of whiskey. I don't drink.
[Wheezy:] Okay, that's still reading the actions.
[Sam:] I don't drink.
[Wheezy:] Just act like you're doing a shot.
[Sam:] I didn't bring a gun.
[Wheezy:] No, no, that's not what I meant.
[Sam makes a gun with his fingers]
[Wheezy:] Okay, just do the scene where you shoot a gun.
[Sam mimes shooting a gun. Badly. Then speaks:] Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakessssss?
[Wheezy:] Okay, that's a line from Indiana Jones. Again, this is a silent movie. Do it again.
[Sam mimes shooting a gun then speaks:] Roads? Where we're going, we don't need any roads.
[Wheezy is exasperated. Sam is very proud of himself.]
[Wheezy:] So we asked you to prepare a scene for us. What do you got?
[Sam:] Yeah! I got something for you! Check this. One chopstick. Two chopsticks. Ralph Macchio. Pat Morita. I'm Pat Morita. Right now two chopsticks, one fly. Imaginary fly. It's here but it's not here. Check this shit. [Sam mimes trying to catch the imaginary fly with the chopsticks] Wait for it. [His hat falls off. He dives out of frame.] Got it!
[Wheezy:] That's my shoelace.
[Sam on the floor holding Wheezy's shoelace in the chopsticks:] Yeah!!
[Sam, sitting back in the chair, drinking from a glass:] So I get the part?
[Wheezy:] No.
[Sam takes an ice cube from the glass and hurls it at Wheezy. As it hits Wheezy, his mouth opens in wonder.]
[Wheezy:] Wow! Do that again!
[Sam takes another ice cube from the glass and throws it at Wheezy.]
[Wheezy:] WOW! Yeah!
[Sam takes another ice cube from the glass and throws it at Wheezy.]
[Wheezy:] Wow.
[And again.]
[Wheezy:] I like it. Yeah!
[Sam throws his hat down and storms out.]
[Wheezy:] Wait, come back! Come back!
[Sam pokes his head back in]
[Wheezy:] You can really pull stuff out of drinks! Have we got a part for you!
[Sam:] Really?
[Wheezy:] You're just what we've been looking for.
[Sam dances in happiness.]
[Fade in to Wheezy and Sam from yesterday]
[Wheezy:] And then Sam got the role of Rowdy number two in the Ozark Cousins movie. And the rest is history. So Sam, tell me, where did you learn this uncanny ability to pull objects out of drinks?
[Sam:] Well, you see, my dad ... he dropped a lot of stuff in his drinks. [Wheezy nods.] Oh! And I would ... I would pull it out.
[Wheezy:] Yeah.
[Sam:] Yeah. I learned? I... I... I just... I ch....
[Wheezy:] Great. Well, this has been a... another episode of the... [Sam lunges forward and tries to pull something out of Wheezy's drink, knocking it over and spilling it]
[Sam:] Fly.
[wink (ding)] [Sam puts the fly in his mouth]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]

Recurring elements

Ozark Cousins, wheezies, Benzine t-shirt, chips and salsa, "danzig!", Veronica Mars, wink

External links

the screen test on YouTube