The Wonder and Magic of DANCE!

From Wheezy Wiki

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today I wanted to [whale sounds]
[In the alternate camera angle, we see Craig turns towards the whale tank] Shut up, whale! I'm trying to do the intro to my web show!
[Back to main camera angle] As I was saying, I wanted... [We can hear the alligator growling.]
[In the alternate camera angle, Craig turns his head towards the kitchen:] Not now, alligator! I'm trying to do the beginning to my internet thingy!
[back to main camera angle] [We can hear a baby crying]
[In the alternate camera angle, we see Craig turning his head towards the sound] Shut up, crying baby that was left on my doorstep! I'm trying to do the starty to my information superhighway series program!
[back to main camera angle. Sighs.] Okay. Anyway.
[turns to alternate camera angle] Shut up, me!
[Craig in the main camera angle looks confused for a few moments and then looks like he's about to say something.]
[Craig in the alternate camera angle:] Bup bup bup bup bup!
[In the main camera angle, Craig shuts his mouth that was open to speak. He opens his mouth again.]
[Craig in the alternate camera angle:] Bah!
[In the main camera angle, Craig shuts up. Then starts to form a word with his mouth.]
[Craig in the alternate camera angle:] Dee!
[In the main camera angle, Craig shuts up. Then starts to look like he's going to say something again.]
[In the alternate angle, Craig makes another silencing sound.]
[In the main camera angle, Craig moves his mouth like he's going to speak.]
[In the alternate camera angle, Craig makes another silencing sound.]
[In the main camera angle, Craig sighs and gestures for the intro to begin.]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So, September 13th. Happy Programmers' Day! [shows Wikipedia page]
[Craig in alternate camera angle] Programmers' Day? What is that *shirt*?
[Craig in main camera angle] I can't believe you've never heard of Programmers' Day, me from the other angle! It's a national holiday! In Russia.
[Craig in alternate camera angle:] Alright, Josef Stalin. What's Programmers' Day?
[Craig in main camera angle:] Psh! Only the 256th... 56th... 6th... yes, Aunt Judy, this is entertainment! ... 256th day of the year.
[Craig in alternate camera angle:] Whoopadeedoo, Vladimir Nabokov. What is 256?
[Craig in main camera angle:] 2 to the 8th power?
[Craig in alternate camera angle:] Still don't know what you're talking about, Ivan Fyodorovich Michurin. Russian architect.
[Craig in main camera angle:] The number of distinct values that can be represented by an 8 bit byte. [Bites 8 times as the "bites" are counted onscreen.] I'm a dork.
[Craig in alternate camera angle:] What's the significance of that number, Roman Polanski? Oh he's... he's actually Polish. Oh whatever.
[Craig in main camera angle:] It's Fiona Apple's birthday. [shows Wikipedia page]
[Craig in alternate camera angle:] Ooh! I love her! [sings] Heeeeeey what I need...
[Craig in main camera angle sighs]
[Craig in the alternate camera angle, still singing:] .... is a good defense cause I'm feeling like a criminal.
[Craig in the main camera angle:] You'd make a terrible Communist.
[Craig in the alternate camera angle, still singing:] ... And I need to be redeemed to the one I...
[Craig in the main camera angle:] Stop it! I'm too upset right now. I wish the coffee were done. [sniffs] And it is. I love it when the coffee's done! [Gets up and hurries into the kitchen:] WHAAAT?!!
[A clone is drinking the coffee.]
[Craig:] First me from the other angle's a jerk and now you're drinking my coffee?!!
[The clone just stares at him.]
[Craig:] Oh that's right. You're the deaf clone. I guess I'm gonna have to communicate with you through the wonder and magic of dance! [Old-timey piano music starts playing and Craig starts dancing. Tap dancing. Deaf clone looks down at Craig's feet.] [Footage of an amazing dancer's feet.] [Craig turns around and looks at the Johnny Cash calendar on the wall behind him:] How am I doing, Johnny? Oh that's right. You don't dance.
[More footage of the great dancer's feet.]
[The clone starts dancing too. Craig looks down at the deaf clone's feet.] [Footage of a horse's hooves as it's prancing and dancing.]
[Craig:] Okay, you win. [Turns and leaves the kitchen]
[Deaf clone watches him go, picks up the coffee mug, and walks out of frame. We hear a horse's clippity clops as he walks and neighing when he's out of frame.]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig in the alternate camera angle is singing:] Cause he's all I ever knew of love. Ohhh. [stops singing] Happy birthday, Fiona.
[Craig in the main camera angle bites eight times.]

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, whale tank, alternate camera angle, alligator pit, Wikipedia, *shirt*, Aunt Judy, "I'm a dork.", "I love it when the coffee's done!", Deaf clone, wink, outtakes

Related videos

Handstand 16

External links

The Wonder and Magic of DANCE! on YouTube