The Wig Sleep

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"The Wig Sleep"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 610
Original Upload date January 24, 2012
Running time 0:05:05
Wink submitted by
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Strangers and Echos, Stranchos?"
Next →
"Piggy Back"



[Camera fades in on snowy sidewalk. Black and white. Jazz music plays. Noir Clone walks down sidewalk. Noir Clone speaks in voiceover.]
The story so far. [Clips from previous videos play as voiceover continues.] Craig makes clones do chores and then he sends them to the alligator pit. He has a friend who went missing. Craig with a Wig. I'm a clone who volunteered to find him lest I be summoned to the alligator pit myself. I discovered through time travel that Craig is Craig with a Wig without even knowing it. My theory is since Craig got a new clock, the structure and monotony of time brought to light with the endless tick tock tick tock have replaced Craig with a Wig in Craig's own mind. I threw the clock away to test this theory. [Screen goes black] Okay, now pay attention 'cause here's the rest of the story.
To avoid any suspicion, I placed an artist's approximation of the clock back on the shelf. Spot on. I put the wig in its place and then I waited. I went for a walk. I came back, and he was asleep. So I woke him up.
[Noir Clone:] Wake up!
[Craig wakes up with a jolt:] Doh!
I went for another walk. Came back. Asleep. Wake up! Walk. Back. Sleep. Wake. Walk. Back. Asleep.
[Noir Clone:] Wake up!
Wake. Walk. Back. Asleep. Bake. [Noir Clone puts a hot tray of cookies on the counter.] No, not... I... I mean, wake... [Noir Clone looks at camera.] I meant... I meant wake.
[Noir Clone:] Wake up!
[Craig opens his eyes.]
Since he was always asleep, I decided to observe. He worked for a bit. Looked at the clock. And went to sleep. Worked. Looked. Slept. I guess 11:30 was his nap time. Fine. I decided to remove the clock, no matter how beautiful and accurate it was. He worked for a bit and looked at the clock. [Turns to clock that's not there.]
[Craig:] Where'd the time go? [Looks around his desk.]
He looked around his desk. And went to sleep.
[Noir Clone:] Wake up!
He woke up, looked under the couch, went to sleep. I decided to let him sleep for a day. I needed the rest too. I took a nap on his new chair. It's weird to think that I'm actually newer than this chair.
As soon as I hit my head to the cushion, I was swept away. I dreamt that I had my own video blog. [Color footage of his video blog plays as the voiceover continues.] It was a travel blog. I went all over the world. Taught all my viewers about exotic places. India. Brazil. Branson, Missouri. Someone's kitchen? Umm... a... a rave? Also I juggled. Sort of a combination travel-how to juggle vlog. Eventually my videos inspired world peace. And a cure for eczema. I really did something. I was happy. [Black and white footage returns.] I woke up. Went for another walk. I felt great. Invigorated. Ready to take on the world. Just as soon as I figured out this mystery and Craig set me free.
I returned to the apartment. And there he was. Asleep in the chair again. Removing the clock wasn't the answer. Craig wasn't even awake long enough to become Craig with a Wig. What was different about now from a few weeks ago that made Craig with a Wig disappear? The chair! The old chair caused pain and discomfort from which Craig needed to escape. Or perhaps the magical new chair beckoned slumber to such a degree that nothing else could interfere. Like the siren song to Odysseus. Or booze to Snooki. Or... lots of chocolate to somebody who really likes a lot of chocolate on things. It certainly drew me in. It had to go.
[Noir Clone:] Craig! Wake up!
[Craig wakes with a startle:] Why do you keep doing that?
[Noir Clone:] I think the coffee's done.
[Craig:] I love it when the coffee's done! [Craig gets up and runs towards kitchen. Grabs coffee pot. Noir Clone grabs the chair and starts rolling it towards kitchen.]
I headed for the alligator pit. Maybe the alligator would like a chair. He could be the first alligator ever to learn how to sit in a chair. It could be awesome. He could be on Letterman.
[Craig:] Coffee's empty! Why did you... [turns and sees Noir Clone rolling chair towards alligator pit] Gasp! What are you doing?
[Noir Clone:] This chair is poisoning your mind. It has to go.
[Craig:] But that chair's soft and elegant on my buttocks. When I sit in it, I feel like an airplane pilot.
[Noir Clone:] If this chair goes, Craig with a Wig will come back.
[Craig:] What are you talking about?
[Noir Clone:] Trust me.
[Craig:] No! Maybe you're the problem. Ever since you showed up, Craig with a Wig was nowhere to be found. Maybe you should get into the pit.
[Noir Clone:] What?
[Craig:] Jump! Go on! Hop right in there. Go in there. [holds up coffee pot] This is the pit. [holds up mug] This is you. Woooo. [Acts like mug is falling into the coffee pot.] Except... well.... except you'll fit. You'll fit.
[As Craig continues making gestures and sounds like the clone jumping into the alligator pit, Noir Clone walks towards alligator pit, peers inside.]
[Craig makes falling and splat noise:] Dead. Go on. Jump in.
[Noir Clone slowly turns, seeing Craig with a Wig's wig on the table.] [Craig:] Go on.
[Noir Clone looks from the wig to Craig. Then back at the wig. He takes off his gloves and puts the gloves in his pockets. He picks up the wig from the table. Craig looks surprised. Noir Clone puts the wig on and looks at Craig, who gasps. Noir Clone edges around the table as Craig continues looking surprised. He sits and folds his hands in front of him.]
[Craig:] It was you all along. I knew it!
[Craig with a Wig/Noir Clone:] I hate knowledge.
[Craig:] Oh happy day! [Grabs his chair and rolls it out of the kitchen, smiling. Sees empty space on top of bookshelf.] Oh yeah, my clock.
[The chair spins as he leaves the apartment. Dissolve to the clock half-buried in the snow. Craig grabs it. Dissolves back to the apartment. Craig puts clock on bookshelf again. In the background, we see Noir Clone/Craig with a Wig at the table. The tick tock resumes.]
[Craig with a Wig/Noir Clone turns to the camera angle at his left, into which Craig with a Wig usually smiles.]
[Noir Clone voiceover:] Aren't the best lies the ones the liar actually believes?
[Craig with a Wig/Noir Clone turns back to staring in front of him. Fade out.]
[Title onscreen: Special Thanks to CHYNA PATE & CHRISTOPHER DAVIS]
[Fade out]

Recurring elements

film noir video, Noir clone, clone, alligator pit, Craig with a Wig, time travel, "I love it when the coffee's done!"

Related videos

This is the conclusion of the trilogy that began with The Wigged Man and continued with Tick Tock.

External links

The Wig Sleep on YouTube