[wheezywaiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
[Wheezy sitting in the dark]
Hey beardlovers. It's August 18th.
Since I've lost the internet, my soul has gone dark. So I keep my apartment that way too to reflect my inner turmoil. The only light is cast from my laptop screen, always displaying 'Server not found.'
When you don't have the internet, you notice a lot of things. Like, did you know you can watch tv shows for free on TV? No download time. But there's certainly a lot less free porn. None. So I've been losing a lot of money paying for all that.
So, in the news today, ummm.... uhhhh... Marshall lost his job on a rerun of How I Met Your Mother. At least I think it was a rerun. I can't look it up to find out.
[Wheezy fake crying] Why? Why? Help me!
Sorry I haven't been on here for a while. I've been doing various projects, like a wedding for John and Vonnie. [Footage of them on their wedding day]
[Vonnie:] You ready?
[John:] Oh god.
[Vonnie:] One, two, three...
[John and Vonnie in unison:] Get drunk!!!
Ah finally, something you don't need the internet for. [takes a sip of beer]
Also, if you're on wheezywaiter dot com, look at the post below. One of my movies is being shown at a film festival here in the Chicago area at the Portage Theatre on Thursday. Details are below. Come on out and watch if you want to see me like five thousand times this size. I haven't looked up the exact calculations. No internet.
[Fake crying] Why? Why?
So, now time to end this thing.
[Footage of John and Vonnie on their wedding day. Vonnie is pointing at the camera, then points at John's eye.]
[John:] Do it. Wink for me. Do it to camera.
[Vonnie turns to camera, winks, and laughs.] [wink (ding)]
[John dramatically points at her eye that is winking and winks himself.] [wink (ding)]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
[outtakes:] I've been doing a ... uh ... video for my friends Johnny and Voddie. [makes a funny expression] Also... also I apologize for not doing a...
beardlovers, "get drunk!", wink, outtakes
The Wheezy Knight on YouTube