[Opening credits read 'Wheezy Waiter presents... The Trophy Thief.' The song 'Alec Eiffel' by The Pixies plays over the credits and continues to play first 20 seconds or so of the video.]
[Wheezy wakes up, grab his notebook, and reads his 'Stuff to do' list,' which reads 'Stuff to do. -Polish Participation Trophies. -Buy Nintendo WII.' Craig gets up out of bed. Six trophies sit on the kitchen table. Wheezy sprays Windex onto a rag in preparation for polishing them. Suddenly he notices that one is missing. He looks up to see a clone polishing one of the trophies. Craig reacts in surprise. Zoom in on the trophy the clone is holding (Readathon 1989-90). The clone begins to run away. Craig chases him. The clone runs down the stairs, and Craig is right behind him. Craig runs down the sidewalk and into the alley, looking for the clone, who has hidden behind the trashcan. The clone runs to the white Corolla, gets in, and drives away.]
[Craig:] Hey, that's my car! That's my car!!
[Craig sees his white Corolla parked nearby.]
[Craig:] That's also my car.
[He runs to the car, gets in and drives off in pursuit of the trophy thief. The Pixies song 'Alec Eiffel' plays over footage of the car chase. Craig is chasing the trophy thief, who is happy to be in front at the moment. While driving, Craig reacts in surprise.]
[Craig:] Nintendo Entertainment System. [Shot of Nintendo Entertainment System, which is lying in the road. Both cars pass it. More car chase ensues.]
[Trophy thief:] Oh!
[Shot of another video game console lying in the street.]
[Craig:] Super Nintendo Entertainment System?
[Trophy thief:] Super Nintendo!
[Both cars pass the Super Nintendo system. Craig is right on the trophy thief's tail in a long shot where we can see one car directly behind the other.]
[Craig:] Nintendo 64!!
[Shot of Nintendo 64 in the road and the two cars approaching it and passing it. More car chase.]
[Craig:] Give me back my trophy!!
[Trophy thief kisses the trophy and laughs.]
[Craig:] Nintendo Wii?
[shot of Nintendo Wii in the street. The trophy thief passes it, but Craig stops the car, backs up, grabs the Nintendo Wii, and continues on in pursuit of the thief, whose car is just ahead of him. More car chase. Craig hits the steering wheel as his car begins to slow down. The check engine light and oil light are both on. The car comes to a stop. Craig bangs the steering wheel with one hand, holding the Nintendo Wii in the other. The trophy thief laughs, looking over his shoulder, and brandishing the trophy. Craig pull some stuff out of his car and runs down the street as the trophy thief laughs.]
[Trophy thief:] Ha! He's gone! Hahaha!
[Craig runs into the street, depositing boxes and other cardboard in the street.]
[Trophy thief:] Haha! Born free!
[Craig runs back to his car for more obstacles, this time grabbing a laundry basket and trash can.]
[Trophy thief:] As free as the wind blows!
[Craig arranges the laundry basket, trash can and other obstacles in the street just as the trophy thief's car rounds the corner.]
[Trophy thief:] As free.... aaaaugh!!
[Brakes squeal as the trophy thief attempts to stop the car. He hits some of the obstacles. Craig pumps his fist in triumph as he looks on. The door to the trophy thief's car opens and he falls out onto the pavement.]
[The trophy thief gets up, trophy still in hand, and runs into a nearby building. Craig chases him. The trophy thief runs up the stairs. Craig follows. The trophy thief runs into one of the rooms in a hallway, looks around, and sees a statue of an owl watching him. Closeup of owl's eyes. Closeup of the trophy thief's eyes. He's momentarily transfixed. Or creeped out. Or something. Craig runs down the hallway and kicks the door open. The trophy thief looks at Craig. Craig looks at the owl. The owl stares. Craig looks back at the trophy thief. The trophy thief looks at him. Craig looks at him. Trophy thief looks at him. The owl stares.]
[Craig lunges at the trophy thief, punches him. The trophy thief punches Craig, They fight, punching each other back and forth, until finally the trophy thief falls, loosening his grasp on the trophy. Craig grabs it. The trophy thief begins to cry. Craig looks confused.]
[Trophy thief, crying:] I never get anything.
[Craig looks sympathetic, nods slightly, and walks out of frame. The trophy thief continues to cry. The owl stares. Craig returns and offers the Nintendo Wii to the trophy thief. The trophy thief takes it.]
[Trophy thief:] Nintendo Wii? [smiling] Thank you.
[The two walk back to the car together. Craig gets in the drivers seat, the trophy thief in the passenger seat. The trophy thief happily holds up the Wii. They both smile. The car drives off, passing the other white Corolla. Iris-in on the car as it drives away and then iris-in even more to black.]
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