The Other Side of the Van

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"The Other Side of the Van"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 539
2011
Original Upload date August 8, 2011
Running time 0:03:33
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by theoregonshow
Great People
Guests: Jeff Samuels
Matt Weber
Sam Grant
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Wizard Uncle"
Next →
"Drumstick of Destiny"

Video

Transcript

[Jeff, who's driving:] Guys, I have something to tell you. I'm moving in emit hgourth sdrawkcab [Craig, who's sitting in another seat in the back from where we've seen him before looks confused]... I mean backwards through time.
[Craig:] You told us that already.
[Jeff:] I will?
[Craig:] You did.
[Jeff:] Oh yeah. I will. I mean... this is all very confusing. [sighs] At least that horrible smell finally went away.
[Craig:] What smell?
[Matt yawns and stretches his arms above his head. Craig covers his mouth in disgust. Sam ties a t-shirt around his mouth and nose.]
[Jeff:] Ugh! Ugh!
[Matt, whose arms are still raised:] What's that smell?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Hey beardlovers. I'm sitting on the OTHER SIDE OF THE VAN! OTHER SIDE OF THE VAN! Everything's better over here! I got this nice little shelf to hold my elbow or my chin. [Sam, on the side that Craig normally sits on, goes to rest his elbow but there's nothing there so he falls over.]
Closer to cars going the other way! Helps keep my neck limber. [Sam turns to keep watching cars that are going by but hurts his neck and cries out in pain.]
[Sam:] Oww! Ohhh. My neck!
[Craig:] A CD player that used to work. It's CD played. It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based life form. [These words appear beside Craig as he says them: It's better to have a broken CD player that worked once than to never have evolved into a self-aware carbon based lifeform. -Craig Benzine]
There's money over here!
[Matt:] Can I get that 50 cents you owe me?
[Sam:] Oh yeah, definitely. I've got... [looks down beside him. No change.] ... never mind.
[Matt:] I hate you!
The grass is always greener when it's covered in money. [These words appear beside Craig as he says them: The grass is always greener when it's covered in money. -Craig Benzine]
A pen here for writing down reasons why the other side of the van is better.
Over here tiny elves massage my feet. Oooh! Oh, that's just Sam. [shot of Craig stepping on Sam's foot.]
[Sam:] Oww! That's my hand!
Over there you gotta pull down two shades to block the day. Who has time?
[Sam pulls down a shade:] Nap time already?
Over here? One pull. [Pulls down shade] Day averted.
[Sam puts his head down on the pillow near the window on which he hasn't yet pulled the shade. Sun shines on him. He squints and closes his eyes.] Oh god.
So yeah, this side's totally better. [Opens shade]
Had a great show in Provo a few days ago. And Colorado Springs. [Picture of Scarlett Johansson to DPC music. Text on screen: Sorry, lost the footage, but here's something nice to look at.] And had a last-minute acoustic show in a Denver park. Click here to open a new window to watch a song from that. [points to clickable annotation] Thank you, AJ. It turned out awesome. So check it out if you appreciate music and/or fun. And if not, wow, I had no idea MTV executives watch my videos.
Tonight we play in Omaha. And then tomorrow in Minneapolis. And then on August 10th we play our final show in Madison, Wisconsin where our band formed many years ago. Remember that, Matt?
[long long pause]
[Matt:] Yes.
Remember that, Jeff?
[Jeff:] I'm from the future.
Remember that, Sam?
[Sam:] Can't live in the past.
Movin' on.
The Madison show is 18 plus unless you're accompanied by a parent. But if you don't have any parents or hate them, we've decided to do another acoustic show in Madison. We're gonna play earlier that day at 5 o'clock at James Madison Park. If you can bring acoustic guitars, that would be wonderful. If not, that would be... we won't play.
Hey Jeff, how were those upcoming shows that haven't happened yet?
[Jeff:] They were great. Except no one brought cupcakes.
[Craig:] Can we still change the future... your past?
[Jeff:] I guess that's up to you. [Looks in the camera.]
[Craig:] Oh, I have a nut allergy.
[Jeff:] No nuts, please.
[Viewer plays outro theme and winks]
[The van is parked now. Craig walks up.] Hey Matt, been meaning to tell you, good tour so far, buddy.
[Matt:] Yeah, it's been good.
[Craig sips from a drink he's holding.] Mmm. Hey, you know what else is good? This drink.
[Matt nods:] I'm sure it is.
[Craig:] You should drink some of it.
[Matt:] No, I'm good, thank you.
[Craig:] Take a drink of it.
[Matt:] I just drank like a whole...
[Craig:] Drink it!
[Matt:] ... bottle of seltzer.
[Craig:] Take a drink of it!
[Matt:] No, I'm good. Thanks, though.
[Craig:] If you don't drink this, I'm going to fire you from our friendship.
[Matt:] Can you do that?
[Craig:] Yes.
[Matt:] I'll try it.
[Craig smiles and hands Matt the cup. Matt takes a sip.]
[Matt:] What is this?
[Craig:] It's my specialty.
[Matt takes off lid to reveal a sock in the cup.]
[Matt:] Ohhhhhhh! Not good! Not good!
[Craig makes a rock sign to camera. Title on screen: Rawk Sawk!]
[Matt:] Ohhhhh! Augh! Not good! Not good at all! [takes another sip]
If you can bring acoustic guitars, that would be wonderful. If not, that would be... we won't play. [Craig and the guys laugh.]

Recurring elements

Driftless Pony Club (DPC), tour video, beardlovers, Craig quotes, Scarlett Johansson, wink, Rawk Sawk!, outtakes

Related videos

The video from their acoustic set in Denver that Craig points to is Acoustic Pluto vs Neptune.

External links

The Other Side of the Van on YouTube