The Lottery

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"The Lottery"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 75
2008
Original Upload date July 28, 2008
Running time 0:03:05
Outro wheezywaiter.com outro
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Video

Transcript

[The film opens on a street scene at night. Black and white. Title on screen: The Lottery]
[Craig walks down the sidewalk, towards the camera. As he passes it, a figure steps out from beside the building. It's also Craig (but in a sportscoat). He follows Craig. The Craig without the sportscoat walks down the sidewalk with the Craig in a sportscoat not far behind, following him. Craig in a sportscoat runs a little bit, then hides, as he follows Craig without a sportscoat down an alley. Craig walks up to a door, takes out his keys, goes inside. Craig goes up the stairs, unlocks his apartment door, and goes inside. As he steps into his apartment, he sees a figure sitting at his kitchen table, sitting in the shadows, eating chips and salsa.]
[Craig:] Who are you?
[The figure leans forward into the light. It's Craig with the sportscoat.]
[Craig with the sportscoat:] Hi!
[Craig:] What's going on?
[Craig with the sportscoat:] I'm you. Two months from now.
[Craig:] What? That's crazy.
[Craig from the future:] I'll prove it. [pulls out a gun and shoots Craig in the arm.]
[Craig:] You shot me!
[Craig from the future:] I shot me too. [His arm is in a sling.] Still hurts. Owww. What hurts more is the doctor bill.
[Craig:] What do you want? Money?
[Craig from the future:] I want something more than just money or valuables or... wait, no, wait, I do want money.
[Craig:] If you're who you say you are, then you know I don't have any.
[Craig from the future:] Uh uh. I got some good news. For me. Which is also you. And some bad news for you.
[Craig:] Which is also you.
[Craig from the future:] What? Shut up. That lottery ticket in your pocket, pull it out. That's going to make us rich.
[Craig:] What? Is it a winner?
[Craig from the future:] Yes indeed. But don't cash it in right away.
[Craig:] Why not?
[Craig from the future:] Well, that's what I did. Kinda spent it all on food and booze.
[Craig:] You spent 203 million dollars on food and booze?
[Craig from the future:] Oh, and hookers. But the booze was really good.
[Craig:] That's amazing that you were able to do that.
[Craig from the future:] Oh yeah, and I also carved my face... and your face ... in Mount Rushmore. Had to pay the government a pretty penny for that one.
[Craig:] Well, that's pretty cool.
[Craig from the future:] Yeah it is. Spent a long time on that nose, though. Probably shouldn't have done that. It was a little too crooked. I digress. Anyway, give me the ticket.
[Craig:] What? No!
[Craig from the future:] Seriously. I'm going to cash it again in the future so I can enjoy all that money again. [eats more chips and salsa]
[Craig:] What about me?
[Craig from the future:] Yeah, sorry, man. You're just going to have to wait.
[Craig:] No way!
[Craig from the future:] You'd do the same thing. Trust me.
[Craig:] Like hell! [pauses] Well, I guess I probably would.
[Craig from the future:] You would.
[Craig:] If you know me so well, then you know I'm going to do this. [Turns to run out of the apartment]
[Craig from the future shoots Craig]
[Craig:] Oww... you shot my other arm!
[Now with both arms in the sling, Craig from the future says:] This one hurts more.
[Craig opens the door to run.]
[Craig from the future shoots again]
[Craig falls.]
[Craig from the future laughs:] Heh. Hehehehehe.
[Craig from the future walks up to Craig, who lies on the floor motionless with the lottery ticket still in his hand] Gotcha. Alright, now give me the ticket. Oh wait, did I kill you? [Craig from the future starts to fade away.] Aww sh.... [Craig from the future disappears.]
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]

Recurring elements

film noir video, chips and salsa, time travel, standalone movie

Note

This video is entirely in black and white.

External links

The Lottery on YouTube