[Wheezy Waiter dot com chips and salsa intro]
[Steve:] Greetings beardlovers. It's October 4th. I'm the Wheezy Waiter.
Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?
[Steve:] I'm Steve Sleeve from The Hood Internet. Greetings beardlovers!
I stopped saying 'beardlovers' a long time ago. It's 'greetings wheezies' now. Level 5 beard reducer. [Wheezy shoots a flame at Steve and his beard disappears, leaving a considerable handlebar mustache.]
[Steve:] Why is my face cold?
Wait a second. The Hood Internet? You guys are pretty hip right now. I better gussy myself up.
All you need for instant coolness is faux hawk, aviators, tallboy, and obscure reference on tight t-shirt. Cool.
Whoo! Alright, now we can do an interview.
[Steve:] An interview. Cool. Hey, what do you want to talk about?
Shut up. I need to do some research first.
Let's see. Hood internet. [Types 'hood' into Google. Looks at many pictures of car hoods.] Oh I get it.
Car hoods. [Takes pictures of car hoods] Steve is going to love this.
Alright, to the interview table.
Hey Steve, welcome to the super cool [music]. Get drunk!
[Steve:] Okay. Boing! [Beer can appears in his hand.] Let's start the interview.
No interview necessary. I mastered the art of The Hood Internet. [holds his phone up to Steve]
See... that's the hood of a Buick. That's a Nissan. That's a Subaru. I don't even know what that is.
[Steve:] No, dude, not car hoods. The Hood Internet. It's music mashups.
Mashups? [Pictures of MASH posters and Alan Alda start appearing near Wheezy's head.]
[Steve:] The Hood Internet is a website where we have music mashups, where we take one song and another song and put parts of them together to make a new song. Stop picturing MASH.
Oh sorry. Could you give me an example of this mashup thing?
[Steve:] Let's say I take "What You Know" by TI and "Transparent Things" by Fujiya & Miyagi and put them together to create "What You Know About Transparent Things."
Oh, so you're stealing!
[Steve:] Uhhhh.... danzig?
I can do that too. Here's the Veronica Mars theme song. Here's "Since You've Been Gone." Here's them together.
[Steve Sleeve starts throwing up.]
So what else can we mash up?
[Steve:] Peanut butter and jelly. [Steve and Wheezy eat sandwiches. Wheezy wipes some crumbs off of Steve.] Oh thank you, thank you.
[Steve:] We need butter.
I think I know of a tree with butter on it.
[Steve:] Beard hair.
Shower usage. [Steve and Wheezy in the shower together with their beers.]
Apocalypse Now and Then. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer Hunter. That Thing You Dune.
[wheezywaiter dot com outro]
beardlovers, wheezies, music replaces the restaurant's name, "get drunk!", "danzig!", Veronica Mars, song, wink
Wheezy's comment about a tree with butter on it is a reference to his video Butterball.
The Hood Interview on YouTube