[slides in in a different location/singing rug is not angelic]
Hey beardlovers. I'm in Seattle. That's why the carpet sounds a bit grungy right now.
Grunge is a type of music that was popularized [shows Wikipedia page] in Seattle by bands like Nirvana, Soundgarden, Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, and [blue text appears next to these bands names] Driftless Pony Club.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Not a lot of people know that my band helped popularize grunge.
[Clone enters frame behind him:] Is that because it's not true?
Why did I bring the cloning machine? Get to the sasquatch pit! Everyone in Seattle has a pet Sasquatch apparently. I didn't know that either. [In the background, the clone jumps offscreen.] I didn't even think Sasquatch existed. That's amazing. [Growling sounds from offscreen]
[Clone:] Actually, this is a bear. [Whatever it is starts munching] Waaaaaaaa!
Eh, whatever. As long as it eats clones, I don't care if it's Kurt Cobain. Actually, that'd be awesome.
[A clone plays a keyboard in the keyboard as Craig begins to sing:] What else could I be? Clones are fun to eat. What else could I say? Let's gnaw on some clones today. [song over] Get to the Kurt Cobain pit.
[Clone:] You mean the bear pit?
One thing I did while in Seattle was go to a real authentic Seattle Asian restaurant with a real authentic Seattle Asian girl.
[Cynthia waves her chopsticks:] Ni-hao! 'Sup?
Well, she's HALF Asian.
Also did a little wandering.
[Craig walking down street:] There's something about walking around in Seattle in the rain. It makes me want to track down serial killers with Morgan Freeman. Oh! There's one now!
[Psycho music plays as Craig makes an intense face. He stops.]
Actually just turned out to be a street vendor. But he was holding a sickle! [Psycho music/intense face] Of flavored ice. I believe they call them popsicles. But it was lemon-flavored! [Psycho music/intense face] I don't like lemon flavor.
In non-Seattle-related news, [shows article] Cruise ship barely squeezes under bridge. Royal Caribbean's Allure of the Seas passed under Denmark's Storebaelt Bridge ... I want you to make fun of me for how I pronounced that. Do it! ... with about a foot to spare, drawing applause from people on board the ship. The captain called it "the great excitement of the day."
So that's all it takes to excite an audience these days, huh? Barely get under something? I can do that.
[Runs towards arched doorway. Jumps up so he passes under it with his head closer to the arch. Audience applauds and laughs. Craig walks back towards camera and waves. They applaud. He goes to punch himself but ducks. The audience laughs and keeps applauding. He punches himself for real. The audience starts booing and yelling.]
In Supernote news, the contest is over, and it may be another day or so for them to tally the results, but when they closed, we were over 100,000 seconds, and we were doing really well. Really well. Really well. Well well well.
Best thing about being in Seattle? I'm away from that stupid eagle. I'm gonna take a drink of water now randomly for no reason and leave the camera running. [Goes to take a sip from a glass that has a bird on it. When Craig sees the logo, he reacts in fear and surprise and drops the glass. Holds up glass again.] Actually, that looks more like a crow. [holds up another glass that looks the same] Hey! That's a crow too! [Craig takes one glass and hits the other glass with it, dropping both of them.] I hated Crow 2.
[Three guys sit on a couch together. The guy in the middle speaks:] Hello Wheezy Waiter, this is the No Parents TV Supernote submission for Team Beard. [Guy 1:] Oooo... [Guy 2 harmonizes:] Ooooo... [Guy 3 harmonizes:] Oooo.... [Text on screen: 32 seconds] [Guy on the right:] No! [Guy in the middle:] Yeah! [Guy on the right puts his hands over his mouth. Guy in the middle puts his hands over his ears. Guy on the left puts his hands over his eyes. Guy on the left takes his hands away from his eyes, winks (ding), covers his eyes again.]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
Also made the most of my time at the Gameworks Arcade.
[Craig is in the arcade:] I'm at the Gameworks in Seattle and I got forty bucks. Yay! [Runs through the arcade and back to camera:] All gone. Let's go.