[Craig is in the kitchen. Sees the camera]
Oh, hey beardlovers. Oop! My clones forgot to put the whale tank cover on. Alright. [Jumps and flies through the air and lands in his chair] Aaa! Ooo! Aaa! Wind burn. [Craig's face turns red. Really really red.] Wind burn! [winces]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
Guess what? It's time for another edition of...
[Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stoopid... uh, Stoopid! [audience laughter and applause]
So in yesterday's video I said this. [black and white clip from yesterday's video:] Scarlett Johansson, [The word "idiot" appears on screen with an arrow pointing to Craig] widower of the late Ryan Reynolds.
What I meant to say was 'widow.' A widower would be a man. Scarlett Johansson is a man? [looks disgusted] Eww ugh ugh!
I don't have the internet right now. I can't be expected to remember everybody who's a man or a woman or a dog. For a while yesterday, I thought Diane Sawyer was a dog's name. Sorta sounds like a dog. [as if he's calling a dog] Here, Diane Sawyer! [whistles] Here, Diane Sawye... Okay, not at all.
I don't even know why I'm telling you about my mistake. Not many of you noticed. [shows a page full of comments pointing out his mistake] It's just one innocent mistake. It's not that big of a dea... [fights back tears] a dea... [whimpers] a deal. [starts sobbing. Turns on radio. Sad music starts. He sobs. He reaches for his yellow cup, takes water out of it and splashes it onto his eyes] Why am I so stupid? [Cries]
[Title on screen: 3 hours later] [Craig is still crying] I can't... I can't keep crying like this. I'm gonna dehydrate. What should I do? Should I drink this water? [holds up yellow cup and a clickable annotation for 'Drink water' appears over it] Should I drink this water? Should I go do my clones' chores? [A clickable annotation for 'Do clones' chores' appears over the kitchen] Take my mind off of it. Which one should I do? Should I...? Pick one. [whale sounds] See, my whale's even upset now. [Keeps crying] Which one is it? Better hurry or I'm gonna dehydrate. Fine. Not gonna pick? I guess I'll just dehydrate and die now. [The annotations disappear and Craig falls out of his chair onto the floor.] Now I'm dead. Thanks a lot.
[A clickable annotation appears on screen: Click here to try again]