The Comments That Cried Wolf

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"The Comments That Cried Wolf"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 634
2012
Original Upload date April 9, 2012
Running time 0:03:31
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by Tech4lif3
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Background Music"
Next →
"Heartthrob for Hire"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. OMG Wheezy Waiter's sitting down again! Calm down. Hold onto your butts. I'm only sitting on Mondays from now on just to avoid a certain habit of mine. Here's the thing.
Monday is derived from the Old English word monsdaeg which means moon's day, day of the moon.
Moon? Come on. On a day like that, I can't be expected to leave my buttocks in my pants. Therefore I'm sitting in order to resist temptation and distract my clones from their chores.
[A clone emerges from the bathroom wearing sunglasses:] Oh thank god I don't have to wear these anymore. [He takes off sunglasses.] You should seriously consider a tanning booth, by the way.
[Craig:] Oh, should I? [Stands. A bright light emanates from his buttocks, focused right on the clone.]
[Clone:] Oh god! It burns! Physically and emotionally!
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
I hope that sort of lowbrow bottom of the barrel comedy didn't hinder... hinder your enjoyment. [As he makes various butt puns, pronouncing words wrong or emphasizing syllables of words, a title in the corner in the screen called the pun counter counts the puns onscreen. "Bottom" was number one. "Hind" was number two.] I always strive for that kind of cheeky [Pun count: 3] humor you can get behind [Pun count: 4]. So that you feel rearing [Pun count: 5] to go when you get to the tail-end [Pun count: 6] of my videos. Assuming [Pun count: 7] you're a fan and you like the jokes I crack [Pun count: 8]. Or even if you're just fannish. Or fanny. [Pun count: 9] I didn't mean to rumple [Pun count: 10] any feathers with inappropriate humor. I know some of you are just knee-high and others are high-knee. [Pun count: 11] If I do something you don't like on this channel, call me out. You're in [accidental Pun count: 12] control. You hold the key. The key man. The keyster. [Pun count: 13]
Sorry about all those bad buns.[Pun count: 14] Puns.
One more thing. Poop chute. I couldn't figure out how to work that in.
I guess we can only move up from here. So today I wanted to talk to you about...
[shows comment from juan1999945:] HI!!!!
[Craig:] Wow! Geez. Why are you talking so loud, random commenter from my previous video?
[shows comment from thomaswni:] 52th
[Craig:] What? What are you...? Oh, you're using a 50-tooth circular saw, aren't you? You should probably turn it off if you're gonna have a conversation. You won't have to yell so loud.
[shows comment from Niekpas1:] I love the smell of potential in the morning!
[Craig:] That's not potential. That's sawdust. And you should probably wear a mask to prevent respiratory problems.
[shows comment from dudeedwin8:] Noobs.
[Craig:] What? If you're referring to me, I think you mean noob. I'm just one person. Unless by noob, you're referring to my ninja boobs. [Title onscreen: Ninja + Boobs = Noobs] Because they're not there. 'Cause they're so stealth. 'Cause they're ninja. But of course they're not there. I'm a man. Why would you even...? You're the noob! You're the one who doesn't even know how to properly protect your lungs from sawdust when you're using shop equipment.
[shows comment from Seboctoid:] First
[Craig:] Well, no, you're new to it. You're not the first person to use a circular saw.
[shows comment from froman46992:] Pitchfork.
[Craig:] No, you're not the first to use that either. Maybe the first to use both at the same time. No, actually, that's me. It counts when you're drunk.
[shows comment IFoundTheAxe. As he reads it, he makes an exhale sound:] Hhhh
[Craig:] Oh no! I see that your lungs are already reacting to the sawdust. Okay, the important thing is to stay calm. WHAT DO WE DO?
[shows comment from thegr8ification:] Standing rules!
[Craig:] Okay, I'll stand up. [Stands] Does that help?
[shows comment from videocatcher234:] Stop standing! I like you better sitting.
[Craig:] Okay. Sitting down. [Sits]
[shows comment from BurningThroughTime:] Serious face. [The comment has a serious face emoticon at end.]
[Craig makes a serious face.]
[shows comment from SayNoobInc:] Why so serious?
[Craig:] Oh. Alright. [Banjo face]
[shows comment from SuperMegaEgg:] Wheezy! Why has there been so little banjo face?
[Craig:] Oh. Okay. How about this? [Craig does banjo face again, but his head is enlarged.]
[shows comment from LazyLonderLayla. It's the emoticon : | ]
[Craig gasps:] You stopped breathing.
[shows comment from KennNess. It's this emoticon: O_O ]
[Craig gasps:] You're going into shock! Okay, okay... Calm down. Musical emotive clone, come out here. [Musical emotive clone emerges.]
[Craig:] Make calm soothing music.
[Musical emotive clone emits nervous, trepidatious music.]
[Musical emotive clone:] I can't. I'm too nervous.
[Craig:] You're making it worse. Okay, distraction. [gets up]
[shows comment, exhale sound:] hhh
[Craig:] Distraction! [Craig dances.]
[shows comment, exhale sound:] hhhhhhh
[Craig keeps dancing. Musical emotive clone is still emitting nervous, suspenseful music.]
[shows comment, exhale sound:] hhhhhhhhhh
[Craig:] Oh no! Is this your last breath? [stops dancing]
[shows comment:] hhhhhhhhhhhh
[Craig:] Oh no!
[shows comment:] hhhhhhhhhhhh
[Craig stares at camera intensely, waiting. Musical emotive clone nervously rubs his hands together.]
[shows comment:] hhhhhhhhhhhh. [reveals rest of the comment by katy1by6:] That is hilarious!
[Nervous music stops. Craig cocks his head at camera.]
[shows comment by partyCSM:] hahahahahahahaha hahahaha
[Musical emotive clone emits happy, old timey piano music and nods happily. Craig looks embarrassed.]
[shows comment by Rhonettala187:] hahahaha. That was awesome.
[The laughter continues in background.]
[Craig:] Alright. You got me. Okay.
[Voice from commenters:] That was awesome.
[shows comment by sdfdsv:] lololol
[shows comment by Vlogality:] lol
[Craig:] That was funny. You got me.
[Musical emotive clone leaves the room, happy piano music still playing.]
[Voice from commenters:] lololol
[Voice from commenters:] lol
[Voice from commenters:] hahahaha
[Voice from commenters:] lol
[Voice from commenters:] lololololol
[Voice from commenters:] lol
[Wheezy Waiter outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Chicago area beardlovers, the band I'm in, Driftless Pony Club, is playing a show this Thursday, April 12th at The Beat Kitchen. 17 or older. Info in the doobly-doo. The show isn't 17 or older. You have to be 17 or older to see the show. I'm sorry. I didn't make the rule.
Also, please donate to water.org if you haven't yet. Info in the doobly-doo.
And the Wheezy shoes are still 30 dollars until April 16th. There's a link in the doobly-doo to that too. There's so much doobliness going on.
And that's all for now. [waves] Hello. How are you? I mean, goodbye. It's the same hand motion for both. I get confused.

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, clone, conversation with comments, banjo face, Musical emotive clone, wink, Driftless Pony Club (DPC), doobly-doo, Wheezy shoe

External links

The Comments That Cried Wolf on YouTube