The Chum

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"The Chum"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 2
Original Upload date June 6, 2007
Running time 0:02:34
Wink submitted by WheezyWaiter
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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"you make me feel so dumb"
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Good afternoon complete strangers. It’s June 6th 2007.
I know what you’re thinking, and you are absolutely right. As a waiter, it’s natural to assume that I possess the concepts of kindness, ... Amen!... cooperation, ... sing it sister!... brilliance, ... whoo!... beauty... I agree with that one... all the traits held in high regard by standard humans. Such as you. If one is a waiter, it is likely that they possess these traits. Hell yeah!
But it’s not always the case. There are, after all, many different types of waiters.
Today I will discuss one such waiter. That waiter is the chum.
The chum. The chum. The chum.
Dictionary dot com defines a chum as 1) a close or intimate companion or 2) cut or ground bait dumped into the water to attract fish to the area where one is fishing. Forget about definition two.
Basically my definition of a chum is an overfriendly waiter.
The chum falls under two different subsects: the chum jr. and the salesman.
Jesus, it’s getting dark out.
The chum jr. and the salesman have different but equally annoying methods of getting better tips. The chum jr. thinks that if he’s chummy enough, he will get the table to like him and therefore give him more money.
[the chum jr.:] Hi there. Welcome to [music]. How are you doing tonight?
[Customer:] Doing okay.
[the chum jr.:] Oh, so you’re new in town, huh? What do you think so far? Did you try out our museums?
[Customer:] Huh?
[the chum jr.:] I love the museums so much. Got any kids? How are they?
[Customer:] My kids are dead.
[the chum jr.:] Uh huh. Well. You know kids are overrated anyways. Yeah, well. Uhh, I think you’re going to have a good time tonight. I kind of like you. I kind of like you.
The salesman, or douchebag, will be overly descriptive and excited about certain expensive menu items – aka he will lie – thereby running up the tip percentage so he will make more money.
[the salesman:] Hey there! How’s it going tonight, buddy? You’re looking good. Listen… I think you should try our shiraz. It’s real good. Typical impressions are spice, smoke, tar, blackberry, strawberry, boysenberry, eucalyptus, daisy, sunflower. It goes well with our spicy Szechuan duck.
[Customer:] My kids are dead.
This has been The Chum, Wheezy Waiter’s first installment of It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Waiters.
[wink (ding)]

Recurring elements

complete strangers, clone, music replaces the restaurant's name, It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad Mad ... There Are A Bunch of Different Types of Waiters, wink


This is the introduction of all the elements above.

External links

The Chum on YouTube