The Charlie Incident
|"The Charlie Incident"|
|Original Upload date||January 28, 2012|
|Wink submitted by||—|
[Title on screen: TWO NIGHTS AGO] [Craig sits down. It's dark. We hear him in voiceover.]
Hmm. Let's see what sorts of punishments the beardlovers suggested for me not meeting my goal of four videos a week. [He goes from a Settlers of Catan fan site to his website and starts scrolling through the comments.] Dum de dum, scroll scroll scroll. [Stops on a comment by Shonal] Shave my beard? Yeah, right. This is a punishment for me, not the world.
La-di-da, scrolling more, scrolling more. [Reads a comment by Jamieblaine] Do an impression of charlieissocoollike? That British YouTube sensation? I can't do that. But that would be awesome. He's the most popular British person ever in the history of ever! He probably gets free crumpets sent to him every day, and I don't even know what crumpets are. Man, I wish I could be Charlie. [Dissolves to a photo of Charlie. Cuts back to Craig.] But that'll never happen. Oh, I feel the sleep monster coming on. [Lies back in his chair and snores. Snores loudly.]
[Music plays as a shadow passes over him as he's sleeping. A woman, in voiceover, speaking in a British accent, says:] Little did he know there was a certain magic brewing that night. [Shot of stars in the night sky dissolves to the Wheezy Waiter beard intro graphic in black and blue.]
[Craig wakes up. It's daytime. He speaks in a British accent.]
This is not my bedroom. [Looks around] Hello? Is anyone there? I'm Charlie. From London. God save the Queen and all that.
Hmm. Bit of a pickle, this is.
[Looks over his shoulder at the top of the bookshelf.] Is that... is that a pillow... in the shape of a beard? What is this place?
Alright, enough mucking about. Alex... Alex, you can come out now. [Gets up and walks towards the bathroom.] What did you do? What...? This is not my shirt. This is like a circus clown's shirt.
[Walks into the bathroom] Why is everything so blue? Where... Alex, where are you? [He opens the shower curtain. As he turns, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and cries out in fear, recoils. Then approaches the mirror.] Who is that disgusting man? This mirror's dirty too. What is going...? Not a bad beard, though. [Leaves the bathroom and comes back with a pen. Draws a mole on his cheek.] That's a bit better, innit?
[slides in/singing rug] Hello there, internet. [looks down at the rug] A bit of a hum there. That was weird.
It's me. Charlie. I don't... I don't really know what happened, but I woke up this morning and is... is my mole on the wrong side. That's.... ooh, that's a bit embarrassing. Nothing a bit of spit and polish can't solve, eh? [Wipes off the mole with his finger. Draws a mole on his other cheek.] There we are. There we are. Mole placement corrected.
So I woke up this morning in a strange flat. I... I don't know how I got here. I don't know where I am. And I had this strange old body. I sound a bit like an American trying to sound British. I don't know... I don't know exactly where I am, but I'm not gonna go outside and check looking like this.
I really do have to commend this person for going outside looking like this every day. It must take a lot of willpower. Also willpower for the people who have to look at this person.
I do like the beard, though. I gotta say. It's a bit itchy. Itches a bit. A bit itchy. But nothing too serious.
Made up the place to look like my office. [Points behind him] Don't have a unicycle, though, so I put a skateboard there. Tried to ride it earlier.
[Craig... uh, Charlie rides the skateboard.] Whoaaaaa. [Sound of him falling offscreen. Skateboard flies back into frame.] Blimey!
So yeah. Here we are.
I don't know why this happened. How we can reverse it. A bit scared, really. Actually.
I wonder if this person took over my body, what that would be like for them.
[Ripple effect to Charlie, who is snoring. He wakes suddenly. Speaks in an American accent.] Oh my god! I've woken up as charlieissocoollike. It smells like the tea is done. I love it when the tea is done! I'm gonna British my way to the tea! Ah, this is so spiffing! [slaps his cheeks in excitement and is immediately concerned. Feels his face.] Wait. My beard is gone! [Faints] [Ripple effect back to Craig.]
I hope... I hope that didn't happen.
I couldn't find any tea here. Just coffee. Bollocks.
I'm pretty sure every part of my body's covered in hair. Except where it counts. [touches the top of his head]
While snooping about, I found a cloning machine. I used it.
[A clone enters. He speaks in British accent:] Hello guv'ner.
[Craig:] Oh hello guv'ner.
[Clone:] Quite right.
[Craig:] Quite right.
[Clone, speaking at the same time as Craig, repeats a few times:] Quite right.
[Craig, speaking at the same time as the clone, repeats a few times:] Quite right.
[Craig:] Quite right. [The clone leaves the frame.]
I guess I'll just go to sleep and hope I wake up back at home. [Leans back and sleeps.]
[Music plays and a shadow passes over Craig as we hear a woman in voiceover speaking in a British accent:] Little did he know there was... oh, you get the idea.
[Craig wakes suddenly. Looks around, alarmed. Speaks in a high-pitched British accent.] Hello? Butler? I've woken up in a strange room again. This is no way to treat the Queen. [Sees the camera and gasps.] A camera and a monitor? [Gasps as he catches sight of himself in the monitor.] I'm young. [Reacts in disgust] But I have a mole.
[An outro like Charlie's outro plays. Charlie, mimicking Stephen Fry in his own outro, says in voiceover:] You've just had the almost imponderable joy of watching Wheezy Waiter. Which makes you, like, the... the wheeziest. Or something.
The Charlie Incident on YouTube