The Charlie Incident

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"The Charlie Incident"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 612
Original Upload date January 28, 2012
Running time 0:04:34
Wink submitted by
Great People
Guests: Charlie (charlieissocoollike)
Chyna Pate
Featured Clones
Episode chronology
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"Piggy Back"
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"Hidden Talents"



[Title on screen: TWO NIGHTS AGO] [Craig sits down. It's dark. We hear him in voiceover.]
Hmm. Let's see what sorts of punishments the beardlovers suggested for me not meeting my goal of four videos a week. [He goes from a Settlers of Catan fan site to his website and starts scrolling through the comments.] Dum de dum, scroll scroll scroll. [Stops on a comment by Shonal] Shave my beard? Yeah, right. This is a punishment for me, not the world.
La-di-da, scrolling more, scrolling more. [Reads a comment by Jamieblaine] Do an impression of charlieissocoollike? That British YouTube sensation? I can't do that. But that would be awesome. He's the most popular British person ever in the history of ever! He probably gets free crumpets sent to him every day, and I don't even know what crumpets are. Man, I wish I could be Charlie. [Dissolves to a photo of Charlie. Cuts back to Craig.] But that'll never happen. Oh, I feel the sleep monster coming on. [Lies back in his chair and snores. Snores loudly.]
[Music plays as a shadow passes over him as he's sleeping. A woman, in voiceover, speaking in a British accent, says:] Little did he know there was a certain magic brewing that night. [Shot of stars in the night sky dissolves to the Wheezy Waiter beard intro graphic in black and blue.]
[Craig wakes up. It's daytime. He speaks in a British accent.]
This is not my bedroom. [Looks around] Hello? Is anyone there? I'm Charlie. From London. God save the Queen and all that.
Hmm. Bit of a pickle, this is.
[Looks over his shoulder at the top of the bookshelf.] Is that... is that a pillow... in the shape of a beard? What is this place?
Alright, enough mucking about. Alex... Alex, you can come out now. [Gets up and walks towards the bathroom.] What did you do? What...? This is not my shirt. This is like a circus clown's shirt.
[Walks into the bathroom] Why is everything so blue? Where... Alex, where are you? [He opens the shower curtain. As he turns, he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and cries out in fear, recoils. Then approaches the mirror.] Who is that disgusting man? This mirror's dirty too. What is going...? Not a bad beard, though. [Leaves the bathroom and comes back with a pen. Draws a mole on his cheek.] That's a bit better, innit?
[slides in/singing rug] Hello there, internet. [looks down at the rug] A bit of a hum there. That was weird.
It's me. Charlie. I don't... I don't really know what happened, but I woke up this morning and is... is my mole on the wrong side. That's.... ooh, that's a bit embarrassing. Nothing a bit of spit and polish can't solve, eh? [Wipes off the mole with his finger. Draws a mole on his other cheek.] There we are. There we are. Mole placement corrected.
So I woke up this morning in a strange flat. I... I don't know how I got here. I don't know where I am. And I had this strange old body. I sound a bit like an American trying to sound British. I don't know... I don't know exactly where I am, but I'm not gonna go outside and check looking like this.
I really do have to commend this person for going outside looking like this every day. It must take a lot of willpower. Also willpower for the people who have to look at this person.
I do like the beard, though. I gotta say. It's a bit itchy. Itches a bit. A bit itchy. But nothing too serious.
Made up the place to look like my office. [Points behind him] Don't have a unicycle, though, so I put a skateboard there. Tried to ride it earlier.
[Craig... uh, Charlie rides the skateboard.] Whoaaaaa. [Sound of him falling offscreen. Skateboard flies back into frame.] Blimey!
So yeah. Here we are.
I don't know why this happened. How we can reverse it. A bit scared, really. Actually.
I wonder if this person took over my body, what that would be like for them.
[Ripple effect to Charlie, who is snoring. He wakes suddenly. Speaks in an American accent.] Oh my god! I've woken up as charlieissocoollike. It smells like the tea is done. I love it when the tea is done! I'm gonna British my way to the tea! Ah, this is so spiffing! [slaps his cheeks in excitement and is immediately concerned. Feels his face.] Wait. My beard is gone! [Faints] [Ripple effect back to Craig.]
I hope... I hope that didn't happen.
I couldn't find any tea here. Just coffee. Bollocks.
I'm pretty sure every part of my body's covered in hair. Except where it counts. [touches the top of his head]
While snooping about, I found a cloning machine. I used it.
[A clone enters. He speaks in British accent:] Hello guv'ner.
[Craig:] Oh hello guv'ner.
[Clone:] Cheerio.
[Craig:] Cheerio.
[Clone:] Cheerio.
[Craig:] Cheerio.
[Clone:] Quite right.
[Craig:] Quite right.
[Clone, speaking at the same time as Craig, repeats a few times:] Quite right.
[Craig, speaking at the same time as the clone, repeats a few times:] Quite right.
[Craig:] Quite right. [The clone leaves the frame.]
Lovely chap.
I guess I'll just go to sleep and hope I wake up back at home. [Leans back and sleeps.]
[Music plays and a shadow passes over Craig as we hear a woman in voiceover speaking in a British accent:] Little did he know there was... oh, you get the idea.
[Craig wakes suddenly. Looks around, alarmed. Speaks in a high-pitched British accent.] Hello? Butler? I've woken up in a strange room again. This is no way to treat the Queen. [Sees the camera and gasps.] A camera and a monitor? [Gasps as he catches sight of himself in the monitor.] I'm young. [Reacts in disgust] But I have a mole.
[An outro like Charlie's outro plays. Charlie, mimicking Stephen Fry in his own outro, says in voiceover:] You've just had the almost imponderable joy of watching Wheezy Waiter. Which makes you, like, the... the wheeziest. Or something.

Recurring elements

Settlers of Catan, singing rug, British clone

External links

The Charlie Incident on YouTube