Super Earth

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"Super Earth"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 645
2012
Original Upload date May 9, 2012
Running time 0:04:08
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Wink submitted by
Episode chronology
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"Unearthing"
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"On the Meteor"

Video

Transcript (in progress)

Hey beardlovers. I wanna tell you guys something important. But I'm gonna get in closer because I wanna highlight the importance of it. And I want to make sure you hear me. I gotta check the monitor. Focus. Maybe grab the microphone. Put it right there so you can hear me. Yeah. Okay. So. What... what I wanted to tell you guys was...
EXPLOSION!
Did you get that? That was important.
So if you haven't guessed already, it's Wednesday. That means it's time for explosion news.
In explosion news, LED light bulb to last more than 20 years.
Yeah, that's all well and good, but I still prefer my current method of lighting. Explosions.
Nothing like sitting down, opening up a good book, turning on the exploding lamp.
Whew. Got two words in that time.
Sometimes I get lucky and the book catches on fire and I can read more words.
Dude! When I read Goblet of Fire, I felt like I was there!
As if I can read.
Alright, LED companies. I appreciate that you're trying to make lightbulbs all durable and sustainable, but talk to me when you make 'em edible. For now I'm just going to use my delicious incandescent, or, as I like to call it, incandasend you to my mouth now. Oh that's right. I'm talking nonsense.
Oh that's right. That was an exploding lightbulb. Fingers burny. Putting out the fire. At least this is a good excuse to slap myself in the butt.
So, in other news, Light from 'super-Earth' detected by NASA telescope.
Super-Earth? The word super's awesome. You put it in front of anything, it makes it sound better.
Mario Brothers? Super Mario Brothers. That's ... in reverse. That means good stuff.
Intendent? I don't care about that guy. Superintendent? Still don't care, but I respect him.
Man? Dude. Superman? Dude!!
Califragilisticexpialidocious? Snoresville. Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious? AAAAAAA!
- Daddy, can I buy a ball?
- Hello, adoption agency?
- It's a SuperBall!
- My kid has great taste in toys. How do you have a beard already?
So what's this Super-Earth about anyway?
For the first time, light coming directly from a super-Earth planet outside our solar system has been detected. Super-Earths are up to 10 times more massive than our Earth, but lighter than gas giants like Neptune. Some scientists believe Super-Earths have a better chance of being habitable...
Habitable. Habitable. Habitable. Habitable. Habitable.
... habitable than planets the size of Earth.
Wow, thanks for the good news, some scientists.
That's good. That means if we're ever approaching an apocalypse, we'll have a backup plan. We'll need a few years, though. Thankfully we've got time. Oh, that's right! Why do I keep forgetting there's a meteor plummeting towards Earth?!!
So beardlovers, it's times like these that you gotta stop and appreciate the little things.
I know a few videos ago we sent a team of clones to stop this meteor, and they're on their way right now. Looks like they'll be there in about... a few days. But, despite being incredibly good-looking, there's a good chance they won't succeed. This might be the final Explosion Wednesday, which I'm not even sure even ever was or even currently is now a thing.
No, this isn't some post-apocalyptic movie where there's a meteor heading to Earth or a nuclear winter or a flesh-eating virus or an invasion of pod people from the planet Zaxor or the cancellation of Game of Thrones. That would end my world. Or a zombie apocalypse. Or The Zombies apocalypse. You know, they're still touring. They're from, like, the 60s. It kinda makes you wonder.
Nah, this isn't the movies. This is the lifies. And there's not always happy endings in the lifies.
In fact, there's really no ending. It just kinda goes on. Inconclusive. Leaves you kind of unsatisfied. It's really pornographic sometimes, though.
This isn't a silly story, folks. This is real. I mean, look at that.
That's no computer-generated meteor.
So how am I gonna spend the rest of my days? Doing what I love. This.
There's not really much else I can do. Except for check on the progress of Clone in Love, who was clearing away that dirt last video.
- Did you clear it away yet?
- Yeah. Mostly.
- What is it?
- Well... I know what it looks like. It looks just like a target.
- Wow. Really? I didn't know there was a Target here. I need a new Swiffer.
- No. We're on top of a children's hospital. There's a target on it. You know, the circle things?
- Huh?
- The target logo?
- Oh yeah. I guess it does look like a target.
- I bet you can see it from space.
- So. Rogue clones that I'm unaware of came down here, stole the meteor-repelling laser, which you took a picture of, and then put a target here. Why?
- I don't know. But it's on top of a children's hospital. We've gotta get rid of this target.
- Things are about to get real crazy around here, huh?
It's gonna say To Be Continued now, isn't it?

Recurring elements

[Coming soon]

External links

Super Earth on YouTube