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WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 250
Original Upload date February 9, 2010
Running time 0:03:26
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro Sunglasses outro
Wink submitted by Strangelet22
Great People
Guests: Ty
Episode chronology
← Previous
"E Pluribus Football"
Next →



[slides in]
Hello beardlovers. It's time for another episode of Wheezy Waiter. But don't take my word for it [turns to alternate camera angle] because I'm a *ding*ing idiot. [bangs toy keyboard] [smiles]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[still smiling to the alternate camera angle] Smiling hurts my face. [turns back to main camera angle and frowns] This morning I wanted to talk about a dream I had. It involved three penguins dressed in tuxedos and I thought, isn't that overkill? Don't they already kinda look like... [sound of a cuckoo clock] Hear that sound? You know what that means! It's time for...
[Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stupid! [audience laughter and applause] [Craig claps]
[Voiceover:] Today's idiocy pointed out to you by [shows a page of comments] The comments!
Today's first comment comes from ohlookaliz who kindly pointed out that yesterday when I said [shows clip of yesterday's video:] If you live in Grenada [back to now:] what my dumb ass meant to say was [shows ohlookaliz's comment] "gre-nay-da." Now my infantile brain could have figured that out its own damn self if I would have googled how to pronounce Grenada, because when you do that, a web page comes up where you can hit Play and you hear this. [A man's voice:] Gre-nay-da.
But that probably wouldn't have worked because any time I hit Play on a recording, I automatically start dancing and think I'm listening to Lady Gaga. Because [turns to alternate camera angle] I'm a dense moron. [bangs toy keyboard. Smiles.] Ow. [turns back to main camera]
Let's see. What other preschool-level *shirt* did I say?
[Clip of yesterday's video:] Mmm. Thousands of grains of coffee beans.
[shakes head] Uh uh uh! spitball301? [shows comment] "I believe it is grinds, not grains."
You're absolutely right. We filter coffee through grinds. Grains are the form in which I take my idiot pills. [turns to alternate camera angle] Adoi! [hits forehead] [turns back to main camera angle]
Also yesterday I said the motto for the U.S. is 'e pluribus unum.' I think that's right.
[Guy on video:] Hi Wheezy Waiter!
[Craig:] Who the hell's Wheezy Waiter?
[Guy on video:] slash Craig Benzine
[Craig:] Oh right, that's me.
[Guy on video:] The motto of the United States is no longer 'e pluribus unum.' It was changed in 1956...
[Craig:] Oh yeah, 1956! [holds up drawing of an ice cream cone and points to it]
[Guy on video:] This is a picture of 1956 in case you forgot what it looked like. [holds up a piece of paper that says: 1956]
[Craig, looking at his own drawing:] Oh right, that's an ice cream cone with sprinkles.
[Guy in video:] ...under President Dwight Eisenhower...
[Craig:] The groundhog?
[Guy in video:] Here's a picture of Dwight in case you forgot what he looks like. [holds up drawing of a stick figure with a hat on]
[Craig:] Oh right, that's Punxsutawney Phil. Presidents are human.
[Guy in video:] "In God we trust."
[Craig:] "In God we trust." Right! I had a god once. A little white Maltese. Adorable.
[Guy in video:] Here's a picture of God slash Jesus [holds up drawing of Dwight where Dwight's name is crossed out and God/Jesus is written, and on the stick figure hair and a beard have replaced the hat, and a halo has been added.]
[Craig:] Right. Maltese is a dog. Wait, God Jesus has a beard? There might be something to this Scientology thing.
Okay, so [points to text on screen: e. pluribus unum] "e pluribus unum" is no longer the U.S. motto.
[shows museofastronomy's comment] You don't really need the period after the e in "e pluribus."
What? [looks down at text on screen] GRRRRR!
Well, I hope you all learned something today. I sure didn't, because...
[Many Craig voices say the name of this segment as Craig points to the words that appear one by one on screen as a title:] Wheezy Waiter is Stupid! [audience laughter and applause] [Craig claps]
It's Tuesday. That means it's time for the fifth episode [annotation over Craig's mouth: 6th episode] of Ty the Regular Guy. Last episode was really intense. I almost can't watch.
[Ty is sitting on a couch between two lamps. Music plays and titles appear as he speaks:] Hi. I'm Ty. I'm just a regular guy.
[Title on screen: Sliding]
[A park bench outside in the icy rain. Ty walks past it and stops, feeling a patch of ground that has ice.]
[Ty:] Huh.
[He backs up a few steps, takes a few steps, and slides across the ice before walking on.]
[Ty is back on the couch. Music plays and titles appear as he speas:] I'm just a regular guy.
Oh my dog!! Or wait... what? I guess he's back to his normal boring self.
[Winker strokes his beard. As he winks (ding) his beard disappears. He touches his cheek and yells:] Nooooooo
[Craig, touching his cheek:] ooooooooo
[Winker:] ooooooooo
[Craig:] ooooooo
[Winker:] oooooooo
[Craig:] oooooooooo
[Winker:] ooooooooo
[Craig:] oooooooo!!! Now that's disturbing.
[Wheezy Waiter sunglasses outro]
[Craig turns to alternate camera angle:] Doi! [hits forehead] [turns back to main camera angle] [turns to alternate camera angle] Adoi! [hits forehead] [turns back to main camera angle]

Recurring elements

beardlovers, alternate camera angle, *ding*, Wheezy Waiter is Stupid, comments, *shirt*, Ty the Regular Guy, wink, outtakes


This is the first installment of Wheezy Waiter is Stupid.

Related videos

Yesterday's video which included the mistakes he talks about is E Pluribus Football.
The video in which the guy corrects Craig about "e pluribus unum" is here:

External links

Stupid on YouTube
Ty the Regular Guy on Facebook