Stretch Stretch Stretch

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"Stretch Stretch Stretch"
WheezyWaiter video
Episode no. Episode 460
2011
Original Upload date February 10, 2011
Running time 0:03:25
Intro Wheezy beard intro
Outro video game outro
Wink submitted by josh0monkeyboy
Episode chronology
← Previous
"Career 101"
Next →
"Driftless"

Video

Transcript

[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. TheLukePearce writes [shows comment] "Craig looks like a lobster." What? Why would you think that? That doesn't make any sense. Pull up a picture of a lobster. [Picture of lobster on screen next to Craig] See? I look nothing like a lobster. [Makes a claw gesture with his right hand] Why? I... [makes claw gesture with his left hand] I don't resemble a lobster in any way. [makes a claw gesture with his right hand] Makes no sense. I don't know why anyone would think that.... [Takes a cup labeled 'Salt Water' and pours the water over his head] Oh yeah! Oh, I needed that. Whew. [Looks at the camera as water drips off him]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Making claw gestures and singing in an accent:] Out on the shore, they work all day. Out in the sun... [looks at camera] Oh hey! [clears throat]
I even got another comment on my last video, this one from Thiessu. [shows comment] "Dear wheezy, Please zoom in the camera as to stop the walls from getting in the shot. It's really ANNOYING."
There was no exclamation point there but I felt as though there should have been. It's an interpretation. Acting is about putting yourself into the work. To be or not to Craig, that is the Craig. Frankly my dear, I don't give a Craig. [Ear slap] I'll be Craig. Anyway, back to the comment. What walls? Oh, you're referring to these walls? [zooms out a tad so the walls can be seen in the shot] Are you one of those people who when watching standard definition television on an HDTV, you stretch it like this to fit? [The image is stretched] I find that annoying. I feel like there might be a song in here somewhere.
[Craig bops up and down to the beat and begins singing/rapping]
Standard definition on an HDTV [Image is stretched again]
Standard definition on an HDTV
Gotta stretch it further so I look like Hamburglar. [Craig's face dissolves into Hamburglar's face]
[Stretched pictures of Calista Flockhart, Ryan Philippe, Courtney Cox, Kiera Knightley, and Matt Damon appear on the screen] Hey, all of these celebrities are much fatter than me.
Alright! Now I can eat a lot! [takes a huge bite of potato salad] Mmm. Mmm. [Eats hummus with his finger] I love hummus! Mmmm.
[song ends]
Okay, you might be right. They might be annoying. Maybe I could cover them with something. Like this one could be covered with pictures of Scarlett Johansson. [Two images of Scarlett Johansson are superimposed over the wall to Craig's left.]
And then this one could be covered with something different, like different pictures of Scarlett Johansson. [Two different pictures of Scarlett Johansson are superimposed over the wall to Craig's right.]
Alright, fine, I'll see if I can move it forward, but know that you've disappointed a lot of men. [Leans forward to adjust camera]
[Leans back] How about here? [looks behind and around him, very close to the kitchen] That might be too far. [Leans forward to adjust camera]
[Leans back] Here we go. [Now he's in the bathroom.] This is the bathroom. Oh wait, one second. [Flushes] Okay. [Leans forward to adjust camera again]
[Leans back. He's sitting in his chair on the sidewalk] Now I'm outside? That's not gonna work. [Leans forward to adjust camera again]
[Back in his usual spot] Okay, here. No walls. All better. [Banjo face]
Hasta la vista, Craig!
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro graphic can be seen as the winker plays/sings outro music] [wink (ding)]
Okay, so I mentioned before my band's on tour. Dates below. And after the tour, on March 26th and 27th, there's Playlist Live, which is a big YouTube event I'm performing at and my band is performing at. Now I'm gonna give you a coupon code ... coopon code ... kewpon code ... Now I'm gonna give you a coupon code. [sings:] The code is wheezywaiter. Type that in when you check out and you can get 20 dollars off your Playlist Live ticket. You can do that ten times. Also putting a couple links in the doobly-doo for GoDaddy discounts once again if you'd like to get a URL ... url ... urrr. And one more thing. [Looks down at title on screen: VOTE! facebook.com/justdancegame]
I think the coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done. Standard definition my way to the coffee. [The image stretches.] [Wheezy runs into his kitchen and looks towards coffee maker from kitchen door.] Awww, when it's stretched, it's so far away. [sighs] Here I go. [begins walking towards the coffee] Whew! Oh boy! I need a break. [sits down] Ahhhhh. [puts his head down on the table and appears to be sleeping. Wakes suddenly.] Gary Coleman! [puts his head down and sleeps some more. Wakes suddenly.] Butter castles! [puts his head down to sleep more]

Recurring elements

singing rug, beardlovers, comments, ear slap, song, Scarlett Johansson, banjo face, wink, doobly-doo, "I love it when the coffee's done!"

Related videos

This isn't the first time that Craig has remarked on a resemblance to Hamburglar. He did it in 2009, in a video entitled Kokomo Krispies.
Craig dreaming about butter castles is a reference to his video from the day before, Career 101.
Handstand 84

External links

Stretch Stretch Stretch on YouTube