|Original Upload date||December 1, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Wink submitted by||ericpar234|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. It's your old pal Wheezy Waiter. So I'm gonna do something today I don't often do at Wheezy Studios. I'm gonna spin all the way around in my chair. All three hundred and forty degrees! Three hundred sixty. Here goes. What's the worst that could happen? Hahaha. [Spins. When he's spun a whole rotation, there's a kind of fluttering noise.] Where am I? [looks freaked out] Who am I?
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
What happened? I have no memory! I guess I remember how to speak English. Y recuerdo frances. [Subtitle: and I remember French.] No, that was Spanish. I guess I can't speak French. Ay, dios mio! [Subtitle: Oh my god.]
Why is there a hammer here? [picks up hammer] And cereal? [and the box of cereal] With a hole in it? And a gun?! Can't be loaded. [Fires it. Something falls from the bookshelf behind him. Looks shocked.]
Oh, apparently I'm a coffee drinker. Hmm. [takes a sip. reacts in disgust.] Oh! Oh god! That's horrible! Guh! Oh god! [Whale sounds distract him from his disgust and quiet him.] What is that? [Peers into the whale tank] I have a whale? The aquarium just hangs down into the other apartment. And that's gotta violate some sort of code. [whale sounds] Oh, there's my neighbor. What's he wearing? Nothing. Oh god! [Turns and walks away]
Oh hey! I got a new couch! That's awesome!
[Walks up to his bookshelf. Closeup of the beard pillow.] What in the that is THAT? [Looks at globe and other stuff on top of bookshelf and back to the pillow.] It's on there too. [looks at giant bearded coffee mug. Grabs the mug. Teleports away. Teleports into the street. Screams as a UPS truck heads towards him. Teleports out of the street. Appears back in the apartment. Puts the mug down.] Lungs and a horn? [looking at Supernote trophy] What? [The alligator growls. He goes to kitchen. Peers down into the alligator pit.] I have a whale AND an alligator?
[Clone, who's sweeping:] Duh!
[Craig whips around:] Who are you?
[Clone:] I'm a clone. Of you.
[Craig:] What?! I'm a... I'm a man? [Looks down at himself. Clone looks down at himself.]
[Craig:] And I'm balding? Awesome beard, though. Very very sexy. So this alligator... he's mine?
[Craig:] Do I feed him?
[Clone:] Oh yes. And he hasn't eaten yet today.
[Craig:] Well, could you show me how to do it? I don't remember.
[Clone:] Oh sure! [puts broom down. Runs towards Craig.]
[Craig:] Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing? [As the clone jumps in the air for his flying leap into the alligator pit, Craig cries out:] No, wait. What are you.. What are you doing?!
[Clone:] Aaaaaaa! [Alligator munches.]
[Craig:] Oh god! [He suppresses the urge to throw up, covers his mouth, turns and hurries back to the living room. Cries.] What is this horrible place? [Picks up a t-shirt off floor. Holds it up. It says Driftless Pony Club on it.] I'm in a pony club? I think I know what's going on here.
I am a mad genetic scientist. I joined a pony club [points at t-shirt] but secretly I use it for research. You see, I'm trying to create [light turns on behind him] a unicorn. There's my trophy for when I created the unicorn lungs. [points to Supernote trophy] The horn symbolizes the horn! There's the unicorn saddle for the day I succeed. [closeup of beard pillow] Unicorns must have teleportation abilities and I must have somehow managed to infuse them into this mug. [points at giant bearded coffee mug] Since it's a mode of transportation, naturally I slapped a picture of a unicorn saddle on it. I must somehow be trying to use the genetics of the whale and the alligator for synthesis. I must get to work.
[Text onscreen: 20 minutes later] [Craig is at his desk, writing in a notebook.] Hmm. Let's see. Carry the 4. Breakthrough! At last! The entire genetic code of a unicorn! I'm gonna be the envy of all my colleagues, and I hate my colleagues! I assume. But it doesn't have wings. How do I get wings? [Eagle squawks. Craig looks up. The eagle flies in the sky overhead. Squawks.] Eagle? So beautiful. Majestic. I love you.
[Clone:] Sir, shall I head to the alligator pit?
[Craig, who's still looking up at the eagle:] No, clone. Things are gonna change around here.
[Clone:] Really? Even when I'm done with my chores?
[Craig, still looking up, slowly spins in the chair:] That beautiful eagle.
[Craig, who's done a full rotation:] You're done? Get to the alligator pit! [looks up] Stupid eagle! [Jumps] Gah! [Punches the eagle, who spins away. Sits down and laughs as the clone jumps into the alligator pit.]
[Craig:] Got 'em.
[Craig:] Oh, coffee's done! I love it when the coffee's done! [sips] It's cold. For some reason. See? Spinning around in the chair was awesome, harmless fun. How'd it get dark so fast?
[An outro theme by the winker plays as the shadow outro graphic is visible in the lower lefthand corner. Winker winks (ding)]
Just yet another reminder to please go to dowhateverittakes dot org slash challenge slash 174 and donate to help end youth homelessness? We are three-quarters of the way to our goal of 10,000 dollars. That's awesome. Hooray!! [Spins in his chair. A full rotation] What happened? Is that the genome of a unicorn? [picks up notebook]
The hammer, cereal box with a hole in it, and gun are references to the previous day's video For the Dudes.
Spin Zone on YouTube