|Original Upload date||September 14, 2011|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||samluvzcc|
[Craig is spinning in his chair.] Yay! Wee! [gets up, stumbles, and falls down.] I fell down.
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So Friday blu-ray discs of the original Star Wars are coming out. That's exciting! The original unchanged Star Wars. That George Lucas is changing? [shows article]
Changing Star Wars? That's ... brilliant! Fans are gonna love it! [Highlights part of the headline of the article: "Change enrages fans"]
After all, art is all about never walking away from a project, constantly tweaking. I don't even call 'em artists. I call 'em tweakers. [Text on screen: artists = tweakers] And I call art changey times. [Text on screen: art = changey times]
DaVinci's Mona Lisa? [picture of Mona Lisa on screen] This was his first go-round. [stick figure drawing]
Michelangelo's roof of the Sistine Chapel? Originally a Little Mermaid ceiling fan.
First iteration of the Statue of Liberty? Yak dung pile of ineptitude. [picture of yak dung pile]
The Bible? Oh that's actually a first attempt.
The Twilight series? Originally Twidwight. [Picture of Dwight Eisenhower's head replaces Robert Pattinson in a Twilight poster.] A non-fiction biography about the waning years of President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
[Closeup of Eisenhower's face. Deep voice:] You are my life now.
You know what, I don't think my intro's perfect. Remember my intro where I fell down? [In a box onscreen, the video of his fall replays.] Oh those were good days.
Times are different now though. I'm a different person. Technology has grown.
I think I could add some audio. [Footage of Craig twirling in the chair. As he falls, we hear new audio:] Noooooooo! [grunt as he lands on the floor] I fell down.
[cuts back to Craig] That's better. But this is comedy. How are people supposed to know this is funny?
[Footage from before:] I fell down. [The laugh track audience laughs.]
How about slow-mo and music? [As Craig gets up from the chair, in slow-mo, dramatic music (from Psycho) plays. We can hear the audio Craig added in slow-motion too:] Noooooooo! [grunt] I fell down. [Laugh track]
There's something missing on top of that fridge. [Popping sound as bananas are added to the top of the fridge. Text on screen: bananas (with an arrow pointing to the newly added bananas.)] That's better.
There's should be a storm going on. [As Craig gets up from the chair in slow motion, thunder cracks and lightning from outside can be seen] To symbolize the unpredictable nature of the scene.
It needs an update for modern times. Something kids can relate to. [Footage plays again.] Justin Bieber clone!
[A clone with Justin Bieber's head superimposed over his head comes out of the bathroom singing as Craig stumbles:] On our way.
Maybe throw in a current event. Keep things current.
[Craig lying on the floor in the old footage. We hear Craig's voice:] That was as embarrassing as nude photos leaked online [shows article] like Scarlett Johansson's.
[cuts back to Craig] Wait, what?! [Leans towards his computer and types. His eyes widen as he sees what appears on his screen. Music plays. His mouth drops open. After a moment, music stops.] What was I talking about?
Oh yeah, how 'bout some 3D? [Now in 3D the footage plays again. Craig gets up from the chair as Justin Bieber clone comes out of the bathroom.]
[Justin Bieber clone sings:] On our way...
[Craig stumbles and thunder and lightning can be heard/seen.]
[cuts back to Craig]
This always bothered me. Why am I falling? [He talks over footage of Craig spinning.] Needs motivation. Earthquake. [The apartment shakes as Craig spins.]
[cuts back to Craig] Hmm. Looking a little bit thin on top of my head. [shows footage of Craig spinning again] I should probably put a little bit of artificial hair on there so people think I had more back then. [As Craig spins, superimposed artificial hair covers his bald spot. He spins. Earthquake. Craig starts to stand up.] It was a while ago. I can probably get away with it.
Way back when I put this together, I took out a scene. I'm gonna put it back in. I should probably add a closeup and a moral to wrap things up. Throw in a surprise ending, and we're done. Let's see the whole thing.
[With bananas on top of the fridge in the background, Craig spins in his chair with superimposed artificial hair over his bald spot:] Yay!
[text on screen: deleted scene] [Craig stops spinning. Sniffs.] The coffee's done. I love it when the coffee's done! [As he gets up to go towards the coffee, thunder cracks and lightning casts a light into his apartment. He runs into kitchen. In kitchen, he drinks from a mug and puts it on the counter.] Mmm. Good coffee. Well, back to spinning in the chair. [He goes back to the chair. Sits down. The 'deleted scene' text disappears from the screen.]
[Craig spins, still with the superimposed artificial hair covering his baldspot and sounds of the storm raging outside..] Wee! [The footage changes to 3D. Earthquake. Craig starts to stand up (in slow motion). Dramatic music plays. Justin Bieber clone emerges from the bathroom as Craig gets up and stumbles.]
[Justin Bieber clone sings:] On our way back down to earth...
[Shot of Craig's face as he's falling, still in 3D. Closeup of his face hitting the floor with a splat. Justin Bieber clone retreats back into the bathroom.]
[Craig, no longer in 3D:] I fell down. [Laugh track]
[We can hear Craig's voice:] That was as embarrassing as nude photos leaked online [shows article] like Scarlett Johansson's.
[text on screen: moral] [Closeup of Craig, still lying on the floor:] When life brings you down, grab a down pillow. [He grabs a pillow and puts it under his head.] [These words appear beside him onscreen as he says them: When life brings you down grab a down pillow. -Craig Benzine] [He closes his eyes and snores softly.]
[The image of him sleeping becomes smaller and smaller as it transitions to a shot of him lying down on the floor (in a different position), snoring loudly. He wakes up.] I was on the floor the whole time!! [text on screen: surprise ending] [dun dun dun music]
[cuts back to Craig] Perfect! [Banjo face] For now.
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
Don't like how I re-edited the intro? Do one yourself. There's a link to the original footage to download in the doobly-doo. There's also a link to the making of this video. So nyaaah.
[Craig spins in the chair, no bananas on his fridge, no superimposed artificial hair or 3D or Bieber clone or anything. He gets up, stumbles, falls down.] I fell down. Yep. That intro's perfect. No changes required.
This is the first appearance of Justin Bieber clone.
This video was posted to wheezywaiter.com on September 14, 2011 and posted to YouTube on September 15, 2011.