|Original Upload date||November 29, 2010|
|Intro||Wheezy beard intro|
|Outro||video game outro|
|Wink submitted by||deathmelon6789|
[slides in/singing rug]
Hey beardlovers. So today [eagle squawks. Craig looks up.] Augh! Stupid eagle again! [The eagle flies overhead in closeup, still wearing Craig's cowboy hat, squawking. Closer shot of eagle. He squawks.] Eagle's starting his own video blog? You're moving in on my game! [Closeup of eagle squawking. Above him, another eagle flies. The eagle squawks.] Huh. Looks like the eagle has an eagle. I wonder, am I an eagle to somebody else? [Looks down. Picture of a guy looking exasperated up at Craig and a male voice says:] Augh! [Pans back up to Wheezy] Who's that guy? [Craig opens his mouth and a squawking sound comes out] [Flaps his hands and gets out of his chair like he's flying]
[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
So in the news today... wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait... [An annotation appears: Click here to wait longer] Click here if you'd like to wait even more... wait wait wait wait wait wait. Wait wait wait wait. I forgot what I was gonna say. Okay, now I remember.
[shows headline] BREAKING. Obama to freeze federal wages for two years. That news isn't exactly breaking. It's probably hours old since it's gonna take me a while to put up this video. Ah, the slow nature of YouTube news. Wait a second. [turns to alternate camera angle] Did you know that it took weeks for people to find out about the LIncoln assassination? YouTube videos took even longer to upload back then. Plus you had to sift through all the horse-riding tutorials. And Lady Gaga parodies. I guess that's still the same. [turns back to main camera angle]
Anyway, the federal wage freeze has inspired me to freeze all wages for all employees of Wheezy Waiter Industries. No longer will wages increase from the current zero dollars forever. Except for in the case of the CEO. Yours truly. Numero uno. The man in the mirror. Not Michael Jackson. Me.
I deserve it. I'm the guy whose smile banjoes. [Banjo face] Whose winks ding. [Winks (ding)] Whose frown orchestrals. [Sad face/sad music] Whose thoughts are mic-ed. [Thought microphone gets turned on. Craig doesn't speak but we hear his thoughts:] Boobies. I mean, whose teeth sparkle. Show the teeth. [Craig smiles. His smile glints and dings.]
[shows comment:] I am jealous of your tooth sparkle in consideration that I Just chipped one of mine. [Craig mimics the emoticon at the end of the comment which is this one :( ]
I'm sorry, katinatreesee. [Turns to alternate camera angle] Sympathy tooth chip! [Smiles. Punches himself in the mouth. Turns back to main camera angle. Smiles. He's missing a tooth. His smile still glints and dings.]
Actually, teeth sparkling isn't all it's chipped up to be. It's gotten me into a few problems.
[Craig stands next to two clones, one who's wiping the door and one who's sweeping.]
[Craig:] I just want you to know you're doing a great job today, clone.
[Clone who's wiping the door:] Thank you.
[Craig smiles. His smile glints and dings.]
[Clone:] Ow! I'm blind! [He stumbles and flails, hitting the sweeping clone in the ear.]
[Sweeping clone:] I'm partially deaf!
[They both stumble and fall into the alligator pit, yelling as they fall. The alligator munches.]
[sighs] Alligator was overfed that day.
Help end alligator indigestion. Throw that toothbrush away.
Apparently, Cyber Monday, which is today, [shows article] is mostly myth. Shopping dot org and other online retailers have perpetuated the idea that you gotta shop on the Monday following Thanksgiving because that's when most people are shopping [text over his mouth: online] and you get the best online deals.
Online retailers, that's shameful. If you wanna sell stuff, just be honest with them. Hey, look at this awesome Wheezy shoe. [Holds up Wheezy shoe.] I think it's cool. If you think it's cool, you can buy one, and I'll throw in another one at no additional cost. You better act now, though, or you'll have to act later. Just reminding you they're here if you want them. If you don't like 'em, fine. I don't like 'em either. I hate 'em! [Throws them on the floor.] But I don't really. I just wanna be your friend.
[Viewer-submitted wink (ding)]
[Wheezy Waiter video game outro]
So if we're still friends and you're not sick of me yet, click here to watch the video I did with OMGFacts. And finally I didn't want to work this in as a joke. Leslie Nielsen, you're an inspiration to me. Rest in peace.
The "Click here to wait longer" annotation leads to: Not sure what to title this one.
singing rug, beardlovers, eagle, wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait..., interactive video, headlines, alternate camera angle, banjo face, wink, sad face, thought microphone, dinging glinting smile, comments, emoticon expression, clone, alligator pit, Wheezy shoe, collab video
Sparklegate on YouTube