[Wheezy Waiter beard intro]
[Craig rises up from below frame]
Good morning beardlovers. Have you had a chance to see the second 10-second episode of the four-minute season of 4?
[Dramatic music plays. Two shots are side by side. In one, an egg is slid into a pan and begins to fry. In the other image, Tim Power puts on his aviators and then answers the phone.]
[Tim Power:] Hello?
[Voice on phone:] Tim, did you use oil or butter to fry that egg?
[Tim Power:] Yeah, I'm using butter.
[Voice on phone:] I said to use oil! Noooooooooo!
[Tim Power turns to camera, rips off aviators, and stares intensely at camera.]
[voiceover over title card that pops in lower-right hand part of screen:] 4
[dramatic music ends]
Yeah. I like my drama like I like my vise-grip locking C clamp pliers. Gripping.
So in the news these days, you got the swine flu. No one knows if it's a real pandemic or if it's overblown by the media. You got this economic stimulus package. Everyone's waiting to see what happens with that. You got Arlen Specter switching from Republican to Democrat. What can you count on anymore? There's too much ambidugity. Ambigodiby. Ambidoogidy. Ambidogoby. Ambigity. There's too much ambigity in the news.
Let's experience something we're certain of. Something factual. Something like breakfast.
As many of you know, I often do song parodies of breakfast puns. Not today. Today we're gonna experience something real.
I don't want to pun this egg [holds up fried egg]
It's just it and me
This egg is pun-free
I don't want to rewrite songs
It's not a joke
It's egg white and yolk
Breaaaaaaaaakfast and me
Oh sweet holy *shirt*
It's Free Bagel Friday
Let's throw the boss punching away.
[Title on screen over picture of empty bagel area: Sorry, couldn't punch my boss today for Free Bagel Friday]
[Title on screen over photo of Craig's boss being punched from previous video: He skipped work to get jaw surgery.]
I made a poll on wheezywaiter dot com with some of my favorite possible names for my new Fiesta. Link in the doobly-doo waaaa.
On wheezywaiter dot com, the poll is in the sidey. Somewhere over here.
And if you're watching this far into the future, that entire last section was irrelevant for you. That must have been really boring. Sorry about that. You shouldn't be watching this if you're far in the future anyway. Shouldn't you be off riding a hoverboard and eating tofurkey? I just assume everyone eats tofurkey in the future.
Some of you pointed out that I forgot to do my celebratory slap bracelet [holds up slap bracelet] for my new car. [prepares to slap it on his wrist] Nah, I'll let the girls who sent it to me do it.
[Two girls sit side by side. One says:] Here's my favorite slap stick. [holds up slap bracelet to camera.] Treat it well, okay?
[Craig:] Mmm, delicious slap bracelet. [bites it. makes nomming sound. notices camera.] Okay. [puts it down]
[Girl on the left slaps slap bracelet on her wrist. The one on the right says:] Woo! [They both wink (ding) and laugh]
[wheezywaiter.com youtube.com/wheezywaiter outro]
[outtakes:] Yeah. I like my... I like my drama like I like my vise-grip locking ceek... I like my drama like I like my vise-grip... I like my drama like I like my vise-grip locking... *ding*
beardlovers, 4, breakfast puns, song, *shirt*, Free Bagel Friday, Ford Fiesta Movement, doobly-doo, slap bracelet, wink, outtakes, *ding*
Something Real on YouTube